Dear Future Mother-In-Law,
I know we got off to a bad start, with you being uber-religious and looking down on my non-religious ways and all. I also know that we’ve started having a better relationship, but you still refuse to believe that your son truly doesn’t want to get married in a church and that he hasn’t been to a church since he moved out of your house (ahem 8 years ago??). Like I told you last August, the only way I’m getting married in a church is if your SON requests it and truly wants it. And he doesn’t. So we’re still not getting married in a church. End of story.
Also, while I have your attention, please stop taking over my guest list. I think it’s obscene that you’re hellbent on making sure that my FH is “adequately represented” at the wedding. We have plenty of immediate family and mutual friends that love him to pieces, thus representing him at the wedding. There truly is no need for you to invite your 3rd cousins because they saw him grow up but haven’t communicated with him in 12 years. Also, the promise that “most of these people won’t come but it’s the right thing to do to invite them” is getting old. I’m hearing it in every conversation. If they’re not going to come then I DON’T WANT TO INVITE THEM! So no, we’re not inviting FH’s brother’s wife’s parents. I don’t like her or her family. Why would i want them there?
Dear Future Sister-In-Law,
I don’t like you, never have and never will. You’ve been a bitch to me and FH since the day I met you, and I know it’s because you’re threatened by my very presence. You’re a meddling, spoiled little brat who doesn’t truly live in the real world. Just because you’re FH’s brother’s wife doesn’t mean that I’m going to have you in my bridal party. We aren’t “family” and no, I DON’T have an obligation to have you as a Bridesmaid or Best Man. I know you’d try to screw things up for me anyway.
By The Way, what is it that I did to “overshadow” you at your wedding? I was very careful not to speak about my wedding plans before your wedding out of respect for all the work you put into yours. If it was that I wore that awesome dress and looked HOT in it, hotter than you, actually, then um sorry. Not my problem. And Future Father-In-Law danced with me that night because he loves me and my personality, not just to piss you off (although that was an added bonus!).
Love (ha, not really),
P.S. If you think for a second that we’re going to put our plans for a family on hold because you believe that we need to “truly get to know one another” prior to having kids, you’re mistaken. Just because you and your husband didn’t live together before you were married and didn’t “truly” know each other doesn’t mean we’re in the same boat. We’ve been living together for 2+ years now. If we want a family, then we’re having one!
P.P.S. Stop talking about how gross pregnancy is. I happen to think that pregnancy is a beautiful, natural life process, and a miracle at that. I am very excited to be pregnant one day, and I will be beautiful. You, on the other hand… I can understand why you think it’s so gross when you think about yourself!
Dear (other) Future Sister-In-Law,
I love you to death. I’m very excited that we’re going to be sisters in the near future, considering we were good friends in college before we met our respective FH’s (brothers) and that carries through to present day. I’m honored to be in your bridal party, but TBH, I wasn’t expecting your wedding to be BEFORE mine, since you swore up and down when you got engaged nearly a year after me that it was going to be the following summer. Yes, I know you called and asked “if it was okay”, but what am I supposed to say, no? And you’re surprised that our future family is upset about it? I’m over it though, although it is still annoying that my bridal shower keeps getting pushed around. And I’m sure it will be once again.
P.S. You’re turning out to be bridezilla-ish. Knock it off, it;s not a good look for you.
Look I love you, and I understand that you’re certifiably nuts. But please stop trying to make me feel bad for having my daddy involved in my day. He has always been there for me, regardless of the fact that you and he divorced nearly 23 years ago. It’s time to get over it. It’s been 23 years, for goodness sake!
Also, it’s not my problem that your second marriage is failing because you treat your current husband like sh*t. Of course he’s not going to live with you if you verbally abuse him every time he’s with you. And yes, I am inviting him to my wedding because after 8 years of not talking to him because of things that YOU said he did that were blatant, horrible lies, we’ve reconnected and he really wants to be there during my special day. I’m sorry that you feel that my wedding day is going to be terribly difficult for you. SUCK IT UP! It’s my wedding day, and damn it, you’re going to put on a happy face and pretend if you have to!
P.S. Stop telling me that I don’t take your ideas for the wedding into consideration. You’re giving me ideas for things that are already taken care of. Take your own advice and just not suggest things anymore then. I don’t know what else to tell you!
I love you dearly. You’ve been there for me all throughout my childhood and beyond. Please, PLEASE take a chill pill! You’re stressing me out, even though you say all the time that you don’t want me to be stressed. I am eternally grateful that you’re dong the flowers for the wedding, I really am, but you’re thinking waaaaaay too far into it. If the people at our wedding concentrate on the centerpieces as much as you think they will, then as a party hostess, I’m doing something wrong.
LOVE YOU! Take a deep breath!
Phew, I had a ton to say, apparently! How cathartic!