Please STOP playing WOW when we have a shit-ton of things to do in the next 24 hours. And no, I do NOT spend near as much of the same time on WB so don’t even go there.
Your Soon-To-Be wifey
Please stop trying to micro-manage my wedding. The wedding is a week away. Your input might have been considered months ago. It’s not my fault you had no interest in your only daughter getting married until just very recently. It’s all done and not going to be changed because you think you have a better idea. Also, I am not taking direction from you when we are paying for this entirely on our own, as full time students with three children! I never expected (or got) a penny when I was planning my first wedding, which didn’t happen due to finances. I never expected (or got) much help at all as a student, either the first time around in 1991, or now, for the past 2 years I’ve maintained a 3.5 to 4.0 GPA. I don’t “expect” anything now but Mom, kindly STFU about all the things Fiance and I are paying for.
Dear random acquaintances;
Please stop acting offended that we did not invite you to our wedding. Please stop pretending that you actually would have saved up for months from your minimum wage jobs to travel to Iowa to attend when we barely know each other. I know better, because I have very close friends who have 4x your income that still can’t make it.
(an aside to WB readers — this is NOT a slam on people with low wage jobs. I am one of those people, plus I am a student — this is just addressing the reality of certain people EVER actually coming but who still desired an invitation anyway)
Your uber-casual acquaintance / Starbucks customer / person you haven’t spoken to more than once this year / Person you took a class with twice / Person whose kid goes to school with yours
Please don’t send me anymore 3000 word summaries of the moon’s phase on our wedding day and all the possible meanings for the phase of the moon. I love your hippy crap but it is too much right now. Right now I don’t care and I’m not going to pay any attention at all.
Thanks for the effort but please stop. And no, sorry, you cannot bring your cats to the wedding!
Your Husband’s Sister
Dear Government Professor;
Please please please cancel class tomorrow, Friday, the day before the day we leave, so I don’t have to shower, dress, drive to school, spend gas money and spend 30 minutes to find parking JUST for your 50 minute class when everyone will be disinterested and restless anyway seeing as how it’s the day before Spring Break starts. I really need to be spending my time packing to leave town!
Your appreciative student
Dear two teenage sons;
When you told us both for years how badly you hoped we would able to one day marry, we never doubted your words. When you brag to your friends about how your moms are FINALLY getting married, we beam. However, when we ask you to help pick up after the dogs, pack up stuff you want to take to entertain yourselves, throw a damned frozen lasagna in the oven so we can focus on getting ready vs cooking, get your clothes washed and the luggage out and do some laundry for the trip, you balk and argue and slack off. Then you fight with each other and your little sister. Then sit around texting, playing the guitar, playing TF2 and checking your Facebook.
SRSLY?? WTH? Knock it off.