- 10 years ago
- Wedding: December 2010
oh, and while I am at it:
Dear Kitty Litter
The Human Pooper Scooper
I very likely have a job offer that will require me to start NEXT WEEK. I am so sorry if I have to leave you high & dry, but it’s every man for himself, right?
I wish I could say something. I’m sorry I had to lie about going to a “vet appointment”, but what am I going to say “hey, I have to leave this afternoon, I’ve got an interview!” 🙂
But if I do get this job offer, I realize how hard the transition with someone new will be and how much you will need me. So, that’s why I’m going to offer to work evenings and weekends for awhile at $5 more an hour than I make now. Hey, I’ve been here for 3 years and haven’t gotten a raise — I deserve it!
FYI, calling me, your baby sister* on my wedding day to inform me that me and my brand new shiny husband are going to hell because I married an “atheist heathen”, while not the reason I stopped talking to you is the reason I won’t ever be convinced to mend bridges. Oh, and also the barrage of emails telling me that my future children are going to hell too really don’t make me want to reconsider my beliefs, or lack thereof. And no, for the trillionth time, I do not believe the sun shines out of Glenn Beck’s ass, so stop sending me crap from him.
I remember crystal clearly the day I had to call you an ambulance and wait as they pumped your stomach because you decided it would be super awesome fun to take as many pills as possible to get high. I was twelve. Or when you smashed the bathroom mirror and called me a “c*nt w*hore”. I was fourteen, and you were high, and I forgave you. I’m really glad you found Jesus, because I think it saved your life, but this holier than thou condemning attitute is why I, as well as our brothers, have cut almost all contact with you. I hope you know that even your own mother has blocked you on FB because she doesn’t have the heart to delete you outright.
Also, tell your wife to stop sending me chain emails. They get deleted without being opened. And for the love of God you are 30 years old, I know you know how to spell, so for the sake of everyone, stop posting things on your wall like “lolz dat jesus jam waz the shite” (which then leaps into saying really mean things about the President that I won’t repeat).
If I could feel anything but bitter and anger towards you, it would only be pity.
*My cell phone was hidden from me, but he called my dad’s and demanded to speak to me. Hands down the dark part of our day.
Sorry gals, I’m still really really bitter.
I really need this at this time.
Dear Future Mother-In-Law and Future Father-In-Law,
I told you that I do not care about anything to do with the rehearsal lunch. This is because you have changed it from what we had agreed on this summer. You have changed every little detail and I just don’t care. Stop thinking this stupid lunch is that big of a deal. Stop asking me if you aren’t going to listen. OH and NO you can’t invite people in your family but not the equal person in my family! I would have never agreed to you doing the Rehearsal lunch if I knew that it was going to be the BIGGEST headache and drama source of the wedding planning.
Your fed up FDIL
Dear Future Sister-In-Law,
Get over yourself and realize that no matter how much you ignore me I am going to be married into this family in 44 days! Don’t forget that you are the one that cheated on your HUSBAND and my FH’s brother. I have told you a million times I am sorry for outsing you. However, open your Fxxking eyes and realize you are the one that did something wrong by cheating on the man. You made the choice to not allow FH to bring me to your wedding. I am bigger then you and am allowing you to be at my wedding. I hope and pray that you actually act like I am there and are willing to say a single word to me since you haven’t talked to me in 3 years even though I have sat in the same room as you many times. Don’t ruin my wedding day by being the bitch that you are.
Thanks so much for being the person that introduced me to the man of my dreams. Sorry that you thought I would just use him for a booty call. OPPS must suck for you that 3 years later we are holding strong and walking down the aisle.
Your fav FSIL
Dear Supposed Best Friend,
Please make sure that when you talk smack about your best friend (i.e., me) to your new fiance (whom you’ve dated for a month and are marrying this summer), your fiance does not go around blabbing what you said to our other common friends, because your incredibly offensive and mean comments inevitably get back to me. kthanksbye.
Your Soon to be Ex-Best Friend
I enjoy working for you and everything, but just because I did not meet my billable hours last month does not mean that I am “perfectly willing and able” to work three consecutive weekends this month. Especially if the work entails going through thousands of pages of doc review. For a case I’m not even on. Thank you.
That felt really good. 🙂
Stop complaining about what things cost. You are not paying for it and weddings are expensive. It will be the best day of our lives and our friends and family will be there. Please get a little excited. Or at least pretend. Also, It is OKAY to buy a new suit for your wedding. And it is expected of your groomsmen to look nice. Bill cannot wear his faded, blackish “suit”.
I know what you are doing. Creating your alibi to get out of coming to my wedding. “Oh, I have this knee surgery I need to have, but I have Chelsea’s graduation, courtney’s wedding (both cousins of mine) and your wedding! I hope I can do it all.” I am sure since my wedding is last you will be “too tired” or some BS. You have cancelled every planned visit for 3 years, but have visited other cousins many times in that time, all of whom live thousands of miles away. It hurts my feelings, and my father’s. We love you and it wouldn’t be right to have you at the wedding. It’s sad that I expect it, though. Please come. Please.
Dear Future Mother-In-Law,
Ok, seriously… stop telling me that “you’re worried” about things not getting done for the wedding. I have it under control, I’m not going to wake up a week before the wedding and go, “Oh yeah, I really should start sending out invitiations”, or “We should probably have some kind of decorations at the reception”… It’s my fricking WEDDING DAY!! Trust me, everything will get done!! I’m starting to resent you, so KNOCK IT OFF!!
Dear So called friend,
why were you so happy when I was alone and in a miserable realationship now that I am not hanging in the street and going to clubs you are happy that I found MR RIGHT and the mn that took all the pain away from me. YOU stopped calling you distanted your self, you stop coming YOUR were allways doing somthning when Fiance invited you to dinner or just to hang out. Then your turn another one our friends away from me saying I think that I am better, now she is distant. And your asking people why arent you in the wedding,
WTF!!! When you figured it out let me know after I come back from the honeymoon
Dear Miss. KnowItAll,
You’ve been engaged for how long?
And your wedding is in 201_?
Thats what I thought!
So STFU and stop acting like you know everything and your opinion matters!
You were a complete bitch, you lied, and still have not found it in your screwed up little heart to apologize. Your FIANCE has called you out, I mean.. really? Is it so hard to say, “I’m sorry for how I treated you.” Instead you pull everyone into this ugly debate about NOTHING. This is another of your fantasies where I am the antagonist.
P.S. I’ve tried reopening the lines of communication by emailing you those wedding gowns. No answer. AND if you want me to photograph your wedding you have to ASK (preferably nicely).
You weren’t really great when I got married. I know you were struggling with alcoholism, but when I see you planning sister suprise parties and wanting to be involved with her planning I can’t help but feel a little hurt.
Dear Etsy seller,
Thank you for designing amazing dresses. My sister hates the dress I picked, but I love you and it.
You are a parasite on everyone around you. You’re life is quite hard because you made irresponsible decisions in life. Everyone makes bad decisions; not every one wears them like a banner of bride to illicit sympathy. Stop spending the money you make at your retail job on Gucci and Prada and expect our parents to pay your rent and for diapers for you. Or, if you insist on being this way, at least be respectful to our parents who spend thousands of dollars a month so you can have the life you want. You are a vile human being.
Your self-reliant sister.
PS It was your brand of Christianity that made me atheist.
Dear parents of students,
An 89 is not the end of the world. It’s second grade. Harvard isn’t out of the running yet.
Love, Miss Peaches
Dear person I just met
Please do not tell me I am wierd, crazy or abnormal in some way to be planning my wedding just because I do not have an engagment ring on my hand (yet). My SO wants everything to be a secret, and even so I KNOW the ring is coming in a matter of months (and even he thought your comment was totally uncalled for!). I am not defined by a piece of jewelry and neither is my relationship- I hate how that was the FIRST thing you mentioned when we communicated. We are students, and our parents have a retirement fund and need to know in advance if they are helping with the wedding in general- believe it or not people actually PLAN AHEAD in these situations. Even after I stated that yes, this is the case that I do not yet have a ring you continued with your rudeness. I do not look forward to our meeting again, and I hope you are much less rude to other women in the future.
And No the fact that Im planning my marriage does NOT make yours less special. Though question if it stops the world from revolving around you! (rolls eyes)
A pissed off (soon to be) Bride to be.
The topic ‘::Something You Wish You Could Say to Someone::’ is closed to new replies.