(Closed) Something's wrong and I need help, but I'm not ready to leave (long)

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 408
Member
645 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I find it ironic that this guy is so much older than you and that you prefer mature people, while he sounds like a 10 year old. 

Please get out before he hurts you badly.

Post # 409
Member
726 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I have been following this post and am so happy that you have decided to leave! I pray for your safety and I pray you can be strong and stay away from him!!

Just remember we are all here for you! You might have a few snarky women commenting on this post, but for the most part we are all so proud of you! 

Post # 410
Member
25 posts
Newbee

@lh526:  Great point! A mature man doesn’t destroy his own property when he’s angry or physically or emotionally harm the woman he’s with. A grown, mature man has better things to do than check in on his lady’s housework. A mature man doesn’t pin all his problems on you and blame you for all the fights you’ve had; he asks what he can do differently or he works on solutions with you. A mature man would own up to it if he ever gave you an STD (if he even gave you one in the first place), and he’d certainly be there for you, take care of you, and be an apologetic saint to you while you’re recovering.

True story, a few years ago I was dating a guy a couple years younger than me. I remember being out with him one night, when he was kind of drunk and his cell phone stopped working. He got mad at it and smashed it in the street. I broke up with him shortly afterwards; his failure to control his impulses seemed so childish to me that I couldn’t get over how immature he seemed. And here, this grown, supposedly mature man in this thread is smashing computers? Don’t let his age fool you, he’s a very childish, impulsive person.

Post # 411
Member
2 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I only read the first half of your post, but he is classic obsessive compulsive personality disorder.  This is not the same as OCD.  It is OCPD.  Read about it, you may be able to learn ways to communicate with him that will not set him off, but he will never change.  My father is like this and while I love him very much, they are extremely difficult to deal with.  He is psychologically incapable of compromising because he feels it is impossible for any solution to be better than his.  Please read about the disorder. If you feel this is a way you can live your whole life, then marry him.  If not, then don’t.  He will not change.

Post # 412
Member
796 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

*hug hug*

You’re so brave! Don’t forget that this is YOUR life and You are the most important person in your life.

Also, your Dad is crazy. That fight about the computer? Not your fault at ALL! That is one of my biggest pet peeves, and its not like you flipped out at him. You asked him to stop several times. He was not respecting you as he was not respecting your stuff or your requests. 

I’m so glad to hear you’re taking steps to make yourself safe. Remember, we’re all here for you.

Post # 413
Member
104 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

Thank you so much for getting out of this relationship! I know it was extremely difficult but nothing about it was healthy. He was obviously abusive not just physically but mentally as well and was trying to break you down. I’m so glad you found the strength to overcome everything. We’re here for you!

Post # 414
Member
111 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

@upsetbeee:  I could cry tears of joy for you right now. Thank you for getting out of that horrible situation. Leaving is the hard part, now all you have to do is end contact with him.

Dont answer his phone calls, texts, emails, voicemails, anything. Dont allow him to enter your home. Speak with your parents and make it clear that you want nothing to do with him. If he shows up at your house and refuses to leave, you call the police.

Be safe, and be strong. 

Post # 415
Member
3138 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2010 - Savannah, GA

@upsetbeee:  You need to get a personal protection order, stating that he is not to contact you, he is not to get within a certain distance of you, he is not to come on your parents property or your school property.  

Post # 416
Member
6835 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

Good for you!  I agree with everyone – it’s paramount that you just cut this guy out of your life.  Don’t see him, don’t call him or answer his calls, don’t text him or answer your texts, don’t let you friends or family meet or talk to him.  He doesn’t deserve any more chances to treat you like shit and it’s easiest for everyone if you just pull the bandaid off.

Post # 417
Member
3138 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2010 - Savannah, GA

Believe it or not… You’ve actually done the easiest part of this–leaving.  Now you have to find the strength and the courage to stand by your decision and not let him back into your life.  You need to do whatever steps you need to do to protect yourself, such as the PPO I suggested earlier.  You need to let all of your friends know what happened and why you left. This might be a bit embarrassing, but they love you and they will understand, and more importantly, they will want to help you. Do not go anywhere alone where you might possibly see him. Report any harrassment by him to the authorities. 

And do NOT apologize for leaving. Do NOT talk to him. Do NOT meet with him.  If you need to get more of your things out of the house, have a police officer with you, or at the very least a very large male friend. 

He is going to use every trick in the book to get you to change your mind.

He will cry.

He will threaten.

He’ll talk about killing himself.

He’ll blame himself (but it will be lie).

He’ll blame you.

He’ll tell you you’re making a huge mistake.

He’ll send you flowers.

He’ll send you gifts.

He’ll tell you his life is ruined.

He’ll get angry.

He will do ANYTHING he can think of to get you to feel guilty and come back to him. 

That is why you need ALL your friends and family to back you up and help protect you.  You need to read this thread over and over again.  You need to read the letter you shared with us the other day that you wrote to him, where you showed your strength and told the reasons why you were leaving.

Keep posting here.  Ignore those who are criticizing you, because they do not have a clue as to what you are going through.

HUGE HUGE HUGE Hugs!!!  I am so proud of you, and I am praying you stay strong and do not go back!!!  

 

Post # 418
Member
1125 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

YES!!!!! I’m so happy about your update. Please please PLEASE do not go back. *happy dance*

Post # 419
Member
510 posts
Busy bee

I’m actually worried because knowing her dad’s stance, the guy will come to her house, dad will try to convince her that nothings wrong, give him a chance and go back to him. 

Post # 420
Member
111 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

@Scar_cats_tic:  I’m worried about this too. 

Post # 421
Member
1809 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@upsetbeee:  Your first post essentially went “He’s a maniac, he got physical with me, he doesn’t respect me, he’s controlling, and disturbed, but sometime’s he’s nice”

 

Leave this guy before you become a statistic.

Post # 422
Member
1809 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

O_O

Oh

My

God

I just read all of your posts, OP, form begining to end. It isn’t often in threads like these that the poster leaves. I can’t tell you how relieved I am that you did, because your hesitation was palpable. Make sure all of your family knows he might be dangerous, and that they should not interact with him. If he shows up where you are staying, or at any of your friends or family’s places, call the police. At this point, if he were to go off, you wouldn’t be the only one potentially in danger. This guy is a sicko, and I am so so happy you have taken yourself away from him. You’re life is about to change in an incredible way.

The topic ‘Something's wrong and I need help, but I'm not ready to leave (long)’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors