(Closed) Something's wrong and I need help pt. 2

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 152
Member
773 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@not-a-troll:  What a heartbreaking and terrifying story, but I’m so glad that you told it because it’s such a powerful message for the OP (and others).  I know that the OP probably wants to give her fiance one last chance to change because he seems to be trying so hard, but the chances of him actually changing for real and for the longterm are slim to none.  It will be extremely hard for her to accept that fact because we all want to be able to believe in the people we care about, but my abuser didn’t change, your abuser didn’t change, and so far no other bee has stepped up to say that her abuser actually DID change because it so rarely ever happens.  I think making a real and lasting change is just something that most abusive men are simply not even capable of because whatever problem they have robs them of the ability to be patient, behave rationally, empathize, and genuinely care about other people.  I think one of the saddest things in this world is the fact that even with all of our modern science and medicine, we still can’t seem to fix the problem that causes abusive men (and women) to treat other people (and/or animals) the way they do. I just hope the OP keeps the promise she made to herself to leave him the next time he gets angry again because I fear it’s only a matter of time before that happens again.  All we can do is be there for her and keep trying to convince her to leave him for good so this doesn’t turn into a series of what was supposed to be “one last” chance.

What about YOU, though?  When I read your post, especially the part about your ex’s hit list, a chill ran down my spine.  Have you got some sort of plan in place so you can stay safe when he finally does get out of jail?

Post # 153
Member
773 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

OP, have you had a chance to really think about Radar’s question yet?  Even if you never share the answer with us, I hope it’s something you’re considering because I think it would help you greatly.  Inner reflection and attempting to understand ourselves is always one of the best things we can do for ourselves.

Post # 154
Member
26 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Holy moly, some of these stories. D:

OP, have you ever heard of Captain Awkward?  She is an advice columnist named Jennifer who writes a lot about relationships, and parts of the most recent piece, especially the comment section (the commentariat there is amazing) made me think of you.  It’s here if you want to read it (I skipped a little down the page to link, where Capt A. talks about the ins and outs of relationships reminiscent of yours):

#454: Darth Vader is a tricksy hobbit.

 

Post # 155
Member
773 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

How are things now, OP?

Post # 156
Member
301 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Posting to say that I’m praying for you. Laughing

Post # 157
Member
1088 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@not-a-troll:  I just want to repeat Moonlight Rose’s question:

What about YOU, though?  When I read your post, especially the part about your ex’s hit list, a chill ran down my spine.  Have you got some sort of plan in place so you can stay safe when he finally does get out of jail?


 

 

Post # 158
Member
773 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

The silence on this thread is beginning to scare me.  Are you still with us, OP?  And are you alright?

Post # 159
Member
3949 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Hi OP – still reading and still hoping this all works out for you, however that may happen.

I want to support you in your belief that he is getting “better” – I don’t trust him, though. It’s good to know that you have an emergency bag ready… do you also have a plan in place for getting to safe place quickly if you leave, since you don’t have a car?

Sending good thoughts!

Also, thanks to all the women who have shared their (heart-rending) stories for far – you are all so strong.

 

 

 

Post # 160
Member
144 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@not-a-troll:  

Thank you so much for sharing this! As I read it I could feel tears welling up in my eyes. I cannot believe the amount of suffering you had to go through, and am so deeply touched at the extreme amount of strength that you had in the end that helped you leave that horrific situation! Your poor children! I will never understand how a man could lay a hand on his woman, but his CHILDREN! That is unforgivable! I am so happy that they were left unhurt, and with this in mind I would like to offer a thought, although I might get some opposition for my wording: while it is terrible that he laid his hands on your child when, perhaps if he hadn`t done that you would not be able to awaken your motherly instincts when you did, and realize the true nature of your relationship! I strongly believe that things happen for a reason, and if that had not happened, I can only imagine what you would have had to continue to go through! I wish that no mother ever has to go through this! I wish that no woman or child ever has to go through this! I hope your children have a healthy state of mind, and are not deeply scarred because of what they have had to endure…. I hope you are ok now too. I hope you have a healthy life, and that you are surrounded by love and happiness. My heart and prayer goes out to you…..

Post # 161
Member
1252 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@not-a-troll:  Thanks for your post. It was eye opening and reminded me of some things I sadly experienced, too. You are strong and I’m glad you got the hell out of that situation years ago. Congrats on raising your beautiful children well and best wishes to you.

OP, take heed. We’re here for you.

Post # 164
Member
773 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@upsetbeee:  I’m very relieved to hear that you’re okay, OP!  It’s understandable that you are very busy.  Hopefully you will update us again when you can.  Stay safe!

Post # 165
Member
1441 posts
Bumble bee

@deetroitwhat:  Wow, what a sad series of pictures.  I had to click around a bit to find the beginning, but my heart breaks.  The rage in his face…

Post # 166
Member
874 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@not-a-troll:  Wow….it is just like reading about my own past.  I am thankful that you got away, and you are safe.  Thanks for sharing your story.  I hope that it will help others as well as the OP in finding safety.

The topic ‘Something's wrong and I need help pt. 2’ is closed to new replies.

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