(Closed) Something's wrong and I need help pt. 2

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 182
Member
413 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

How are things progressing?

Post # 184
Member
28 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2013

walking on eggshells is no way to live your life. 

 

My first boyfriend was 10 years older. We started dating when I was 16, And were together 3 years. He would ignore me for days at a time, and could be a real jerk. I remember driving to a friends house one night after a bad fight and sobbing for hours. Crying on the floor of my bedroom because I KNEW I was not happy but couldn’t make the decision to leave. 

 

he cheated on me while we were thinking of taking a break, and now his girlfriend is miserable and her family wants her to leave him. 

 

My fiancé is everything I never knew I was missing. My friend told me she could see how happy I was with him. He is sweet, and thoughtful, and respectful and fun. I want our children to be like him. 

 

It took leaving my ex to realize how bad it was with him. I am so grateful I have my fiancé, but even if I didn’t? I would still have left that manipulative, cheating, immature asshole in my dust.  Because I am amazing and I deserve the best, and even though it took awhile? I am so much better off. 

 

STOP taking these crumbs he is giving you like they are gold. 

 

STOP accepting his excuses. 

 

You can do better. Let him try to improve, but don’t hang around as a spectator. Keep seeing a therapist. Be strong, because you deserve the best, and not someone who has EVER hurt you. EVER. 

 

if I knew you in real life, I would have already moved you into my apartment. NEVER would I let a friend do this to herself. If you live in California and want help, message me. I will help. 

 

Leave. Do what you know in your gut as what you must do. Leave. 

Post # 186
Member
279 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014 - Muhlhauser Barn

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@upsetbeee:  good for you! So proud of you & I hope things are going well (& continue to get better) for you!

Post # 187
Member
232 posts
Helper bee

I’m happy you finally left 🙂 It’s not easy, but it’s definitely for the best. And I hope you get your dog!

Post # 188
Member
1489 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

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@upsetbeee:  that’s great news!! He sounded awful 🙁 Stay safe!

Post # 189
Member
1988 posts
Buzzing bee

I offered to stay somewhere else if he wants while he sorts his head. <-  Dear I would say it is you who needs to sort your thoughts out. I think he has his pretty well sorted out. He is playing you. He knows what he wants, and because by now he knows you too well, he knows emotionally,you are pretty much at his mercy. Just the fact that after all that’s happened, how he’s treated you and the horrible things he’s said you are offering to stay somewhere else while “HE sorts his head out” just speaks volumes at where he’s got you. 

I would say the only thing than needs sorting out in both your heads is recognizing you are not in a healthy relationship, that you are not happy, that this relationship has all the potential for escalating and getting even worse and to become more scary and unhealthy as time goes. And if you guys ever loved each other, the best thing would probably be to, out of respect for each other, for the time you spent together and were happy, to have enough respect and love for each other to understand you are in a very sick relationship and to give each other one last gift…. The opportunity of eventually finding love in a healthy relationship and have a good, fulfilled and happy life.

 

 

Post # 190
Member
1988 posts
Buzzing bee

I just read your update. Girl this is just the beginning of great things to come. Please be patient and prepare yourself as with this things might get uglier and more scary before they get a whole lot better! Please be careful and be strOng. You can get through this. Trust me, one day you’ll pat yourself on the back and feel so proud of yourself

Post # 191
Member
2529 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

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@upsetbeee:  Stay strong! I know it will be tough at first, but you have so many opportunities ahead of you – your life will be wonderful without this man in it.

Post # 192
Member
102 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

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@upsetbeee: I want you to know how proud I am of you for having the strength to leave. I work with women experiencing abuse and I know that there are so many barriers to leaving. It really takes a lot of courage.

 

Also, I’m not sure if anyone’s mentioned this, but there might be resources in your area that you can access. I’m not sure where you live, but a lot of women’s shelters also have counsellors who are called “outreach workers” or “transitional support workers” or something to that affect. What they do is work with women who are transitioning out of abusive relationships/thinking of leaving/just left/etc and provide things like safety planning, counselling, help with housing, etc. It might be something to look into.

 

Unfortunately, the time after a woman leaves an abusive relationship is actually the most dangerous, so please stay safe! If you google safety planning for abused women you’ll find some good tips. For example: http://lawc.on.ca/wp-content/uploads/2011/06/PERSONALIZED-SAFETY-PLAN-FOR-ABUSED-WOMEN1.pdf&nbsp; If you scroll down you’ll see safety tips for women who have left the relationship.

 

Sorry, I don’t mean to scare you, but its good to be informed. Again, I’m so proud of you!

 

I just saw your threads and haven’t had a chance to read through all of it, so I hope what I say isn’t too redundant. 🙂

 

Post # 193
Member
3551 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

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@upsetbeee:  I am so glad you are finally out! Good luck with the future, you’re going to be an awesome nurse.

Post # 194
Member
11303 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

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@This Time Round:  

 

Gawd, I wish the Bee had a Like button.

Amazing post, TTA.  If it doesn’t help OP, there may well be another abused woman out there who reads your post & finds the strength to leave.

Post # 195
Member
9950 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

TO

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@upsetbeee:  FABULOUS NEWS

Girlfriend you made my Day – Week – Month – Year !!

So glad to hear you are free from him.  Yes it will be hard… it was the hardest thing I ever did in my whole life leaving… rocked me right to the core

BUT if I hadn’t gone, I wouldn’t be the woman I am today (some 10 years on)… nor would I have ever met Mr TTR who is my HERO

This man LOVES me a million times over just because of who I am… not who I am not (not perfect enough, not smart enough, not perfect enough… not enough period)

I am truly blessed.

TRUE LOVE will find you too.  Promise !!  And you’ll wonder what the H3LL you were ever thinking !!

It is a truly liberating experience the walk you are on now.

(( HUGS ))

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 To

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@sassy411:  Thank you for your kind words.  That is my goal… if I can save one woman from a life of heartache, I’ve achieved something sooooo worthwhile.

I will continue to tell my story here on WBee, because there are a lot of women who need to see the light… that they are sooooo worthy of a LOVING & HEALTHY relationship.

The EMOTIONAL BOARD sees such posts regularly… sadly.

 

Post # 196
Member
11303 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

TTA,

You’re right, we do see a lot of abuse threads.  I often wonder, are there more abusive relationships today than in the past or are we just talking more openly about relationship issues?

 

 

The topic ‘Something's wrong and I need help pt. 2’ is closed to new replies.

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