Post # 1
I posted the other day about a bride that was getting married within a month of me and how I felt like it was a competition. The responses to the thread made me realize that some comments from family and loved ones have contributed to me feeling this way. Don’t get me wrong, at the end of the day I am responsible for my own feelings. However, comments from people (esp. FI’s family) about “will your venue be as nice?” “they are having x type of chairs. Are you?” have made me start to wonder if my wedding will be as nice. I am really worried that they will actively compare our (mine and hers) weddings. The truth of the matter is that this girls family is just willing to spend MUCH more on her wedding than my family is willing to spend on mine. My parents have money, but they feel strongly that it is frivolous to spend everything they have on one day. My parents have given me a budget far in excess of the local average weddign cost, but not nearly what they could afford. So, I feel crappy sometimes when I hear the comparisons.
Please no posts about how I am whiny or entitled. I am not trying to get my parents to spend more on my wedding. I am honestly asking how you would deal with these comments and this situation. Thanks
EDIT: I didn’t mean to post this in bridesmaids. Sorry
Post # 3
From what everyone tells me, you won’t even care about this stuff on your wedding day. Your wedding will be fantastic and you will remember it forever. I went to 2 weddings recently: an uber expensive wedding where the bride’s parents refinanced their home so she could have everything, and a low-budget DIY wedding. Guess what wedding we enjoyed more? The low budget DIY!! The expensive one felt stuffy and boring. The low budget one was more kick-back and it was a total blast!
Just because someone’s wedding is more expensive does NOT mean it will be better. I have struggled with the competition thing too and I know how you feel, but just know that your wedding will be great and there will be no comparison in the end 🙂
Post # 4
I feel your pain. My mom’s niece got married last year and my mom just can’t stop talking about her wedding, I’m not that over the top but sometimes it feels like I need to have a nice wedding to keep up with hers.
Contrasting, my dad’s niece (a year younger than me) announced her wedding last year, at first they were talking about the Royal wedding 2.0, until they realized they couldn’t afford a wedding. Now they don’t even have a date and I feel subcouncious about talking about my wedding in front of her or my aunt cause it feels like I’m bragging.
Truth is we’re having the wedding we want, no more no less. Fortunately we can afford it since we’re not over the top people. I don’t want a royal wedding I want an event filled with personal touches. Our wedding will be OUR wedding and that’s what matters.
Post # 5
Yeah I’ve noticed that I dont feel competitive at all with another friend- a 3rd bride- who is getting married this summer. The difference: nobody is actively comparing my wedding with this other girls wedding.
Post # 6
I think the best way to reply to comments like that is just to say “We are going to have the wedding we want. I hope they have the wedding they want.”
Mature people with self-esteem do not have the need to compare themselves to anyone else.
You cannot control the thoughts or actions of others. If they do compare, let it be their issue not yours.
Post # 7
@julies1949: This is such good advice. Not only do I need to say that mantra to other people, I need to remind myself of it.
Post # 8
Jules gave you some great advice, say something bold and honest back to them. I have often found that when you give people a big dose of kind honesty they are taken back.
You should definitely say something she suggested like: “We are going to have the wedding we want. I hope they have the wedding they want.”
Post # 9
I have noticed the competition in my friends and family members, I am very non confrontational and have noticed my self actually avoiding every idea they use becuase I don’t want someone to think I am copying, competing, etc.
In the end I just want our wedding to be a party. I know darn well that the guests are not going to remember what kind of flowers I had or what color my sash was in a month so I am not going to bother spending time fretting over it. I have seen $2k weddings that are beautiful and elegant and I have seen $10k weddings that look gaudy and cheap, it is all about the atmosphere and the mood and in the end if you get married to the man of your dreams then nothing else matters.