- 8 years ago
- Wedding: December 2016
I love my life, but sometimes I have regrets….I hope I’m not the only one who can admit that. If you look at my life now and compare it to what I thought it was going to be, the two are very different. I had the typical dream of graduating college, finding my dream career, being successful, finding the man of my dreams, getting engaged & married, buying a house, having children, etc. All these things I consider “normal.”
Well, after graduating college I got pregnant with my first child (that same night actually), and things changed drastically then. I didn’t pursue my dreams of becoming a teacher, and part of me tries to justify it by saying it wasn’t what I wanted anymore (little white lie). I stayed with the father of my son because…..well, that’s what I thought you should do. Tried planning a wedding because…..well, that’s the “right” thing to do now, right? Needless to say, that relationship didn’t work out. Moved back in with my parents and got a job in retail.
Fast forward 6 years, and I jump into another wrong relationship with someone who turns out to be abusive in so many ways. I have a daughter from him who’s now 6 years old, but his parents have adopted her, and I don’t have any contact with her (long & painful story). I tried planning a wedding with him as well because I didn’t want to be single with 2 kids….but luckily he went to prison for 2 years, and I came to my senses.
While he was away, I met my FH who is the most wonderful man, my best friend. It was a whirlwind courtship that had an unexpected but much loved surprise, our daughter who was conceived just a few months after we began dating. I know, I know…my tubes are finally tied. I never thought I’d be the one who has 3 different baby-daddies; it shames me sometimes. I wanted to do things the “right” way, and it seems like I did everything ass-backwards. I feel like my parents are disappointed in my life as well. My FH is the type to not care about how others see him, but I’m not like that. We’ve been together 2 1/2 years now, live together, and basically act married already. People are always assuming he’s my husband, but I want the official proposal. I want a ring, dammit, lol. I want some sort of wedding….I want a little part of my dream life, and I think I deserve it. Sorry, my hormones are acting up, making me kind of sad today. Just needed to vent a little….but I really do love my life now, even though the roads I’ve taken have been long, hard, and twisted, lol.