Post # 1
Now don’t me wrong I’m not talking about everyone who does these task but it I don’t get people who take on all the major responsibility for things their partner should be doing.
My brother’s not girlfriend whom I only found out he is sort of causally dating, just called me out of the blue to wonder about if we are planning a joint gift for my Mother’s birthday. I was really confused about why she would care, turns out she got a really nice gift in mind for my brother “to give” to my Mom. By the way she never met my mom.
This is in addition all the other things I been finding out she does for my brother. Cleaning his house because it’s a pigsty and she wouldn’t stay over otherwise before she starting staying over he actually cleaned it pretty well. I know because I go at least once a week, his laundry he cause he not good at umm bullshit, both of us learned to do it at 13 and by the time we were in high school we all took turns. I feel bad for her, but I also think she is setting herself up to be his mother, as she does all these things for him that he is perfectly capable of doing himself. His excuse is he never asked her, she starting doing things so he let her. Ugh I see this ending badly for her.
Anyways this is a theme I see in other friend’s relationship, where one person takes on the entire task, I know one friend who gets up early to make her husband breakfast every morning. I kind of think its sweet another part of me thinks eek getting up three hours early to make my Fi breakfast would never happen, on the weekends I am glad to do this. When I need to work too ugh not going to happen. The most common example that I see done in so many relationships around me is getting gifts for husbands/boyfriends friends/family. I hear over and over guys don’t remember things like that. I call bullshit on that too I am forgetful person and I use to let peoples birthdays sneak up on me. Now I put reminders on both of my phones and computers, with all the gadgets we have there no excuse other than laziness and knowing someone else will do it for you. I get doing nice things for your spouse, but I think depending on how it’s done it can certainly have a strange dynamic and becomes “babying” your spouse.
Anyways I love hearing the differing opinions about relationship stuff like this on the bee, comments, thoughts, do you do this why or why not?
Post # 3
I did not do this while casually dating any guy, but when I moved in with my husband (at the time boyfriend) I did all the cleaning and all the laundry. This was out of a silent understanding that while he pays most of the bills and the mortgage, I could at least do some chores. Now that we are married, it is all routine for me.
Now, if I was the one working my ass off everyday and paying most of the bills, I would expect him to clean too.
The reason why a lot of girls probably do this is due to the outdated thought that men love women who are household slaves. That is just not the case, you can clean and clean, but the guy is never going to love you or respect you.
We girls just do a lot of stupid things for men that probably do not deserve it…. I know I have.
Post # 4
There are moments I definitely feel like his mom, but they’re pretty few and far between. He’s responsible and knows how to take care of himself 99% of the time.
We don’t live together yet, but I don’t forsee it changing when we do. He’d make a better housewife than I would.
Post # 5
I think that as long as two people are happy with the dynamics of their relationship, that is all that should matter.
Post # 6
@TwoCityBride: I guess if it works for them then to each their own? I don’t know. I sure wouldn’t behave like this girl did. I think I did once in the past… when I was so young that I didn’t know any better, but I learned pretty soon that playing house wasn’t a way to get a guy to commit to me.
My boyfriend and I share the housework (we live together), if anything he does more of it than I do.
Post # 7
Mr. 99 and I figure, as long as it gets done, it doesn’t matter who did it.
Post # 8
@TwoCityBride: i think its nice to do small things to take care of your SO but it has to be a two way street. right now, im doing all the domestic chores as i legally cant work in mexico(and im not risking gettign deported before the wedding :P).BUT, i want to work when im allowed, and if i was working fulltime, i would expect him to share chores too
i wouldnt clean the place of a guy that i wasnt living with or do his laundry. maybe shes trying to show that shes “wife material” and thats what she thinks it means?!
Post # 9
She’s just trying to impress him but that rarely works. I know so many girls after a breakup that will say “He’s never going to find someone to treat him like I treat him or do for him what I did for him” and I want to say “Isn’t that the point?” Guys must have respect for the woman they’re with. I’ve never seen a guy respect a woman that acts he’s the be all and end all of her existence. That she’s nothing without him. A friend told me “you walk on rugs, you don’t marry them.” It was harsh but I can see where he was coming from.
If a woman chooses to make caring for her household and her husband her main priority, I say go for it but she needs to receive love and care in return. She needs to be loved and valued and her contribution needs to be acknowledged. It’s the ones that give everything and receive nothing that I feel for.