(Closed) Sometimes I want to disown my Mother….did i say that???

posted 8 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
5823 posts
Bee Keeper

I’m sorry, I’ve never been in a situation like that!  I guess I’m a bit confused why you’re even letting your mother participate AT ALL?  I mean, she doesn’t sound very nice, and I’m not sure I would have even invited her!  But since you already have, I would just say no to everything she asks for.  She doesn’t deserve anything from you, and you certainly aren’t obligated to cater to her whim!  UGH.  Well you only have about a month left, so hopefully you can fend off her crazy.

Post # 4
Member
1765 posts
Buzzing bee

Ouch! Not okay-and I am a mom! not a bride!  I am so sorry!  I guess I would just decide how/ how muchyou want her to be involved and let her know before she comes up with other lame ideas.  Oh, sorry, the maids and I have already planned to .. . etc.  If it is any consolation, my daughter & SIL didn’t officially invite his mom to the wedding because they were afraid she’d make a scene!  She did show up, and luckily behaved herself, but we were kind of prepared.  ๐Ÿ™  I’m sorry for all the brides/grooms that I see here with unhappy family circumstances.  Best wishes for a wonderful day for you and your groom.  Happy Marriage!

Post # 5
Member
2201 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Wow – I don’t have any advice, but I’m so glad that you seem to have a wonderful person who is ready to be your mother-in-law.

Post # 6
Member
77 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I agree with mighty sapphire!  Tell her to eat @%&*!!

Post # 7
Member
455 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Generally I’m all “don’t ruin relationships” but uh…. your mom sounds like a piece of work.  I’m sorry that the wedding couldn’t bring you closer together, as one would hope.

Post # 9
Member
3125 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

it’s a lot easier to be friends with you now b/c she doesn’t have to be responsible anymore. but you can show her that you’re an adult and capable of making your own decisions by standing up for yourself and just living well. Have her be a part of your day if you want, but don’t put too much on her, b/c you will end up disappointed. And on the topic of her inviting herself to your MIL’s house – I would not be mean, but be clear with your expectations of her that day. Unless your Mother-In-Law invites her, it’s rude and disrespectful for her to expect she be taken care of that day too. Sorry girl! best of luck to you ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 10
Member
179 posts
Blushing bee

Hrm, I have to wonder what your mother’s real motivations are for being involved? Are you guys really getting closer or does it just feel this way b/c she’s making somewhat of an attempt to acknowledge you? What your mom put you through is absolutely not okay but you’re so fortunate to have such an awesome Future Mother-In-Law. ๐Ÿ™‚ Seems like she’s really your mother.

As a smart, independent and nice person, you should expect more than what’s she’s offering you right now. Don’t sell yourself short. If she really wants to be apart of your life again she’ll need to put a heck of a lot more effort otherwise it’d probabaly be a good idea to leave things the way they were. It seems that since your mom is now back in the picture, your life is turned upside down for the worse. Always remember that this day is about YOU and Fiance, no one else.

Just from what you’re said it also seems like while everyone around you who does care about you genuinely wants to contribute (with their money and time), your mom doesn’t want to give a red cent to you nor give you any real bonding opportunities; it’s more or so about her like you said.

IF I were you, it’d leave her in the dark about certain details of your wedding to avoid major drama from happening (e.g. randoming showing up at FMIL’s house to get ready) and slowly just step away from her. Of course she can come to your wedding but other than an invitation and a cordial conversation here and there, dedicate the rest of your time to the people that really care.Giving you lots of hugs!

 

Post # 11
Member
5823 posts
Bee Keeper

Um…I don’t think it’s a good idea if your mom comes over to your FMIL’s house to get ready.  If I were your Future Mother-In-Law I’d want to really hurt that woman.  I mean who leaves their child homeless??  And she hasn’t talked to your Future Mother-In-Law about coming over??  Yikes.  Just keep the doors locked!  Or give her the wrong address.  Or be straight with her and say that you’re not comfortable with her being a guest at your MIL’s house.  When she asks the inevitable “Why?”  you can tell her that there was a time when she had no room for you, and now is the time when you have no room for her.  Or just say there isn’t enough room for all your girls and your Mother-In-Law and her too.

Post # 12
Member
1245 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Wow girl, I am so sorry. I don’t think you did anything wrong by telling her no, she doesn’t deserve to walk you down they isle and how out of her mind is she to think that you want to smell like an ash tray. Sorry but you’re mom made me really mad and reminded me of how my own mom was a few years ago.

I agree with the fact that you just need to stay with the people who love/care about you and your day, not what they want.

Please tell me she did not buy that blue fluffy dress? If so, don’t worry, it will reflect on who she is. 

I really hope things get better, maybe ya’ll can bond some how.

Post # 13
Member
169 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I am sorry!!!!  I am in the same boat….well not 100% the exact situation I got pregnant when i was 18 moved out of my parents house with the father aka my fiance and now 7 years and 4 kids later we are getting married.  She is making it ALL about her…I finally lost it today and posted a novel too!  She went dress shopping without me and she IS walking me down the aisle!  You are not the only one I am here if you need anything! 

Post # 15
Member
7431 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

CUT HER OUT!!! She is toxic and will bring you down.  Tell her she can come as a guest only, and she can’t participate in any of the activities. Treat her as she has treated you. You deserve to be happy, and not feel this way

Post # 16
Member
169 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Yes I would do the same She should be honored you are inviting her to the wedding as a guest.  I wouldnt involve her, she seems to be saying things to you just because she feels it will benefit her in some way.  I would just tell her that you appreciate what she wants but the day is about you and is ur day and you will do what is best and easiest for you.  And Please do not buy your self champagne…its not like it will spoil if she buys it now she cant find the time between now and you wedding to buy a frickin bottle of champagne?!?!  thats crap I am sorry hun!  Dont let her bring you down and ruin ur day…..and after you wedding keep your distance….you and your hubby to are better off without that bs!

The topic ‘Sometimes I want to disown my Mother….did i say that???’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors