(Closed) Sometimes I wish I could call it off

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
341 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

It sounds like your not exactly excited for your upcoming wedding =/ If I were you I would start putting my foot down and insisiting on things being the way you and your Fiance want them.  You have about a month and a half so I am sure not everything is finalized and you can still make it the way your wanting it (or at least more so than it is now).  At the end of the day it not about what your families want its about what you and your Fiance want. I am sorry this is happening to you guys and I am sure you can find a way to turn it around.

Post # 5
Member
341 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Yikes!! Your Future Mother-In-Law sounds like she is very controlling and not ready to let go of her baby boy.  I am actually dealing with something similar.. its really hard to blend two families!  Even though contract are signed and everything is booked maybe there are little things you can do that will show your style and make it more about you and your FI?  Its hard to get excited for such a big day when everyone is being super negative about it.  I would thank people for their advice and ideas but try and stick to your vision as much as you can.  I am sure it will be a beautiful day!

Post # 7
Member
9 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2012

@littlegreenleaf:  Oh, I’m so sorry you are going through this!  We had a similar situation with trying to reconcile two families’ (and our) very different expectations of a wedding.  The whole thing generally sucks and makes you wonder why you are working so hard to plan a wedding in the first place.  My Future Mother-In-Law and Future Father-In-Law were especially demanding and uncompromising, and this led to a lot of drama and tears early on the in planning process, especially because Fiance and I had envisioned the wedding as a celebration and joining of two families rather than just doing what they expected of us.

I don’t know how helpful this will be, but this is how we dealt with things:

1) We decided to pay for everything.  It will be a financial stretch for us, but definitely gave us a lot more control over the planning process.  I understand this isn’t necessarily an option for everyone, but it was probably one of the best decisions we made and I feel lucky that we had the option.

2) For things other family members (FMIL, Future Father-In-Law and my mom) criticized and generally kicked, yelled and screamed about, we said “Okay, if you want xxxx thing for the wedding, then you should be willing to pay for it, since we can’t afford it.”  

The caveat of this approach is that you have to be willing to incorporate what they want if they really do end up deciding to pay for the things they want.  In our case, both families backed down once we asked them to put their money where their mouths were.  For example, Future Mother-In-Law and Future Father-In-Law were initially really unhappy with our choice of venue.  We went and looked at a million other venues to make them happy, and told them they would have to help us out if they wanted a nicer venue.  Turns out they weren’t very happy at the prospect of footing a $25-30k venue fee, in spite of their complaints that our venue would look ‘cheap.’  They were also unhappy with our choice of wedding favors (I know, it seems silly when you write it down), so we said, fine — you guys pick out and pay for the favors for YOUR guests.  When they realized how silly it would look to have to have two sets of favors, they backed down.  My mom early on insisted we should have ALL ORCHIDS for our decor.  I said, fine, this is how much I can afford to spend on flowers — if you want to make up the difference, then we can have all orchids.  Once she saw the price, she backed down.

3) Take a deep breath and remember:  you are doing this so you can marry your wonderful Fiance.  Sometimes this is the only thing that really keeps everything in perspective for me.  And remember — at its core, the wedding is about the two of you.  If your family and your future in-laws are being excruciatingly unreasonable, then forget trying to make them happy — do what will make you and your Fiance happy.  REALLY.  It will make you feel better.

4)  Remember that there will be other people at the reception who will be truly and genuinely happy and excited for you — other family members and friends.  Remember that you are planning this celebration so you can hang out and see those people too!  We are starting to get RSVPs back and I can’t believe some of the people who are willing to spend $ to travel for our wedding.  It reminds me to be grateful for the good friends that I do have, in spite of the family drama. 

5) Related to #3, if you can afford it, splurge on one aspect of the wedding that is important to you and Fiance and that will make the two of you happy.  It doesn’t have to be a big splurge — just something that will make the day extra memorable for you.  We ended up splurging on entertainment, which I almost cut out — and now it’s the thing I’m the most excited about and the one part of the day I am really looking forward to in between all the drama!

Hope that helps.  Hang in there!!!

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