(Closed) sometimes i wish it happened another way

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
5977 posts
Bee Keeper

I’m going to ask a question, and I hope you don’t take offense to it. Why do you want to marry this man? Does he make you happy? Does he fulfill everything you want in a husband? Is he your best friend? Can you not wait to be married to him?

If your answers to those questions are what I think they are, then why does the ring or proposal matter? He proposed in a very sweet way (which is exactly the way my now husband proposed by the way) and with a symbol of what he thought would show his love for you. I think you need to take a step back and look at the reasons why you’re marrying him and not focus on how tiny the diamonds are in your ring or that he wasn’t dressed up for the proposal. He asked you to marry him! He’s already done what so many bee’s on the hive are dying for their boyfriends to ask them! Isn’t that enough?

Post # 4
713 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

First off, congrats on getting engaged! I think a lot of proposals aren’t the most glamorous thing, but the fact is that he proposed. It’s a lot of pressure on a person to propose, so try to celebrate the fact that he did. A lot of women on here will tell you that their proposals weren’t all glammed up, but they are just happy that he asked.

Do you have a picture of your ring? I wouldn’t suggest telling him that you’re disappointed with how he proposed – that might crush his spirits. Maybe he has financial reasons for getting you a ring with small diamonds. A ring is just a material item..you can always upgrade in the future!

Post # 6
6998 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

I can understand your reason for dissappointment but at the same time you have to remember what it all stands for – this man wants to spend the rest of his life with you – and he did it in a way that meant something to him – not all men are super romantic. I would be grateful for the proposal and the ring. Maybe you can upgrade your engagement ring later – guys arent mind readers and typically dont have a good sense of what kind of jewelry you like..did you ever show him or tell the styles of rings you wanted?

Post # 7
161 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Not trying to be mean or hurt your feelings, but I feel like you are being a little ungreatful. If you two often sit onthe couch or it makes him feel connected to you or close to you I think this is a nice way to propose.  If you wanted something specific I think you should have told him that (even though I think it is insulting when women do this).

Rings can ALWAYS be upgraded, added to, replaced in the future, etc so try not to dwell on the ring… maybe it was what he could afford or what he thought was beautiful.  My hope is that you can focus on how hapy you are to be making the comittment to spending your lives together and be happy about it:)

Post # 8
558 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2015 - Thorpewood

Quite honestly, I wouldn’t be shocked if my boyfriend proposed while we were sitting on the couch.  And I think initially I would be disappointed because I know when people asked how he proposed, I’d just say, “we were sitting on the couch in our apartment.”  But, in the long run, I think I’d like that it was so…chill.  We love cuddling on that couch.  We love watching movies together and snuggling. 

Plus, like others have said, you’re marrying the man, not the proposal.  If you don’t like your ring, you should upgrade it at, like, your five year anniversary or something.  Rings aren’t permanent so there’s no reason to get too upset over that.

Post # 9
2018 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

I thought I was hallucinating because I couldn’t see any of her posts. lol  Oh well, I’m sure it was similar to the other “I hated my proposal” posts.

Post # 10
1359 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

That’s not very nice. We all have feelings, regardless of our age. The mature thing to do is work through them rationally, not to never feel them in the first place. I’m empathetic to her situation and I can understand how she’d be hurt even though, in the long run, I don’t think it will matter and there’s nothing much to do about it.

Post # 11
3942 posts
Honey bee

Chill out.

Post # 12
2018 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

Oh snap! What a horrible thing to write about a man you supposedly love.  And I don’t think you were entirely out of line for the comment about her not being a grown up. I’m kind of annoyed myself. Why bother wasting our time if you don’t want help? [Attn Mods: I am simply expressing my opinion on this matter and I am done:]

Post # 13
1553 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I didn’t see her original post, so I can’t comment on anything she said.  I think it’s a shame that the idea is out there that women should expect a Hollywood-style, super romantic proposal. That’s an awful lot of pressure for most guys to live up to. So, while I get that there can be disappointment when someone does not get the once-in-a-lifetime moment she has been waiting for, I also agree with PP that the important thing is that the man she loves has asked her to marry him.

For the record, my husband proposed on the couch too.  And he didn’t get down on one knee either. So, it wasn’t a movie-worthy proposal.  

But it was New Year’s Eve. He’d planned to propose at midnight, but was too excited and couldn’t wait and decided to go ahead and do it so that he could relax and enjoy the evening with me and so that we were already engaged when we welcomed the New Year together.  How could I not love that!

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