- 6 years ago
- Wedding: March 2012
I don’t really post that often, and I don’t really know what I’m expecting to gain out of this post, but I just feel so frustrated and alone today. I can’t even concentrate on work. Perhaps I’m making way too big a deal out of this. I can’t seem to make heads or tails of anything right now. I just need to vent.
My fiance and I have been together for around two years. One of our biggest problems throughout our relationship has been his “socializing”. In his own words, he tends to “get carried away” with his socializing, the end result being that he makes poor decisions while he’s socializing that end up hurting me.
In the beginning it was much, much worse, and we’ve worked through a lot of those problems. But unfortunately, some of his antics have taken a toll on the trust in our relationship. I have forgiven him for choices he has made in the past, and he seems committed to overcoming this…usually.
Some of the past that has particularly haunted us: he would go out with his friends, tell me he was going to hang out until X:XX time, and then three hours, four hours past that time he would still not be home, no call, text or explanation. Or, one of the most painful situations, he went with a friend to a wedding, but made plans to meet up with me later that evening around 9:00 p.m. at a family event. At 9:00, I still hadn’t heard from him. Midnight, no word. I finally heard from him the next day at around 11:00 a.m. I’m not going to lie; this behavior really hurts.
To be fair to Fiance, he really seems to WANT to work on the problem. In fact, he has of his volition, been going out less with his friends. But I don’t want for him to NOT be able to have a life without me. I just want him to be considerate of my feelings when he does. Lately, it’s just been that he will come home a couple of hours or one hour later than he said he would. Maybe to some people, this isn’t that big of a deal. But to me, following through with things like this means a lot to me. Not to mention that punctiality is a big deal to me. In my opinion, being late is like telling the person waiting on you that their time is less important than yours. I know that not everyone feels that way or thinks that way, but lately I feel like I’m losing my mind. I just can’t seem to let this go! Last night he told me he was going to grab a cup of coffee with a friend, “I’ll be back in 30 minutes,” he said. And then over two hours later he waltzes in the door, surprised that I’m upset. Why can’t I just let this go?!
Am I crazy to want to try to work through this issue with him? Am I crazy to let this bother me? We don’t fight about it really, but I just can’t help feeling like my feelings don’t matter to him if he isn’t at least willing to meet me half way on this? If he’s going to be late, shouldn’t I at least be able to expect a phone call or a text? He says that he just gets carried away when he’s doing something he enjoys. I’m sorry this is so long! Thanks for reading, bees.