(Closed) Sometimes it lasts in love, sometimes it hurts instead *long rant with poll*

posted 5 years ago in Bridesmaids
  • poll: What should i do about my less than friendly best friend
    Keep her : (10 votes)
    29 %
    Dump her : (21 votes)
    62 %
    Other (explain in post) : (3 votes)
    9 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    6149 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: September 2012

    It sounds to me like she isn’t as invested in this friendship as you are. I think you need to decide if you want to be friends. If so, you need to have a talk with her and ask her, flat out, what’s up. Depending on her reply and behavior, you’ll have your answer.

    Post # 6
    Member
    570 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 2012

    HOnestly she just sounds immature to me. If you’re okay with having a friendship that is based more on partying at bars and doing things that interest her, that’s totally fine… we all have more casual friendships with some people if that’s all they’re capable of committing to. If you’re looking for more out of your friends, and hoping for a more responsible bridesmaid, that’s another issue. If you cut her out of your bridal party, that’ll probably end the friendship. Have you asked her if she even wants to be your wedding? A possible way to word it would be to ask if her financial issues are causing the main stress in her life, and your wedding at this point is just a cost looming over her. Financial pressure can seriously strain even the strongest relationships, so give her the “out” of hey, if you can’t afford to be in the wedding/fly out here I totally understand, I don’t want you to feel obligated to pay for things when you can’t afford them/etc. Let her be the one to make the decision, and then see where your friendship goes from there.

    Post # 7
    Member
    3773 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: December 1999

    I wouldn’t give my credit card to anybody besides DH-period. It sounds like she ordered the stuff for you and did it her way, which might have stressed you out, but you were asking to do a favor for you. So while the hair thing is stressful you got what you needed (or will in a couple days). It sounds like she is doing your hair for you as well, which is really nice of her.

    Blowing you off was rude, but it sounds like the drama between the two of you has been building.

    This close to the wedding I would try to touch base with her and tryong to move forward. You risk losing a friend over really little things. Would you have a backup for doing your hair too?

    Post # 8
    Member
    2782 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    Sounds like she has alot going on, I can understand why she didn’t previously mentiion the bar’s policy…I would assume if you had another more widely accepted form of ID that you would be smart enough to use that one when trying to go to a bar you don’t frequent. You should’ve asked more questions about this bar, since many have polices for dresscodes that can be very strict.

    I’m not sure what the issue actually is, she ordered the things you wanted her to, for you, obviously for whatever reason she couldn’t do so with her other account, accept that. Makes sense if she messed up that account somehow that she would have things sent to her mother’s instead. Maybe stop hounding her so much, sounds like you are nagging her constantly about silly things and she’s getting annoyed by it.

    ETA: I agree with the poster above me. No way I would ever give my friends my financial information. Yes I trust them, but the more people that have access to that information the greater odds of identity theft taking place. Also she didn’t send you a copy of the confirmation for something that is ordered in her name? It wouldn’t do you any good. I think it was very presumptous to create an account for her and I find it a very controlling thing to do. 

    Post # 9
    Member
    356 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    I guess I don’t understand too much about cosmotoligists and ordering supplies.  Why did you set up an account for her? Shouldn’t she do that herself?  I can understand not wanting to give you her card number.  That’s private information, and as much as you two are close,  you should never trust anyone with that kind of information in this day and age.  Then she messed up and sent it to her mom, I mess up on shipping sometimes too! My parents live far away from me, and sometimes I accidently ship things to thier house instead of mine.  I also am bad at putting things in the mail.  I don’t care how important it is, just not a strong suit of mine.  I’m also bad at returning library books and Rented DVDs. 🙂

    It was a little crappy that she didn’t come to the bar where you had to go.  Perhaps you didn’t make yourself clear that you wanted to hang out with her. 

    I say you should talk with her, and make up.  7 years is a long time, and don’t throw your friendship away for a few miscommunication errors.

    Post # 12
    Member
    1799 posts
    Buzzing bee

    my SO was in the military, (hes a vet now) and before he turned 21 some bars let him in with that ID, so that bar is horseshit! the hair thing, I can understand her side, but her blowing you off after she invited you out and you drove all the way? You two need to talk…asap.

    Post # 13
    Member
    1269 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    I think you’re being too hard on your friend. And to wait until you get the stuff to tell her she can only be a guest might make her feel like you’re using her.

    I think it’s good to calm down and realize that she isn’t going to react to things the exact same way you would, and checking up on your weave isn’t her top priority. From your story, I did not sense she was about to call her brother right then and there.  But maybe she called home and her mom said he was at work, and either she doesn’t have the number at his work or thought it wasn’t that important to interrupt his work for. Maybe he can’t be interrupted at work.. Who knows?

    I understand wanting the stuff since your wedding is November 24th. Why not call her mom’s house yourself and ask if the brother sent it off?

    ETA–isn’t a plane ticket at this point going to super expensive? That’s Thanksgiving weekend. If she’s bouncing her account, she might not can afford it.

    Post # 14
    Member
    412 posts
    Helper bee

    I think previous posters have addressed the hair/account thing enough… for the bar thing, if she was there with a bunch of other friends, she might’ve been stuck between a rock and a hard place. ditching people at a bar after you’ve invited them out is awkward. it sounds like it might have been a bunch of miscommunications in a small time-frame. add the stress of planning a wedding, and i get why you’re frustrated, but i dont know that i would chuck a friendship over this.

    Post # 15
    Member
    1466 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I am sorry you are dealing with childlike behavior. It could be she is sad that you are getting married, it could be jealousy, it could be she cant afford the plane fare. I have experience similiar problems. I had a 15 years friendship that has ended because she has always stood in judgement over the years and I have just ignored it but it had gotten to the point where she was trying to tell me what to do. I just stop talking to her and it bothered me at first but I realized I can only live for me.

    I havent told her I am getting married I will just send her an invitation because I dont want to deal with her negative attitude because she will just make the whole experience a challenge and it so not worth it.

    Post # 16
    Member
    2361 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    sounds like this friendship might be over…

    I get why some people don’t give anyone their CC information…. but if she’s a good enough friend to be in your wedding party, then there shouldn’t be a problem with that.   I would have trusted any of my bridesmaids with banking/credit card information, and that is why i chose them as bridesmaids….. because they are my true friends. 

    You don’t have to get rid of her as a friend totally and forever, but maybe just distance yourself a bit from her.

    I remember there was a period of 4 years where i wasn’t as close friends with my best friend due to the way she was when she was with her boyfriend at the time… but when that ended, we hooked back up and are back to being best friends now… we’ve been best friends for 17 years almost.   we go through ups and downs, we both have changed ALOT in 17 years,  sometimes we hang out alot and talk every day, and sometimes we don’t.  No matter how little, or how much we talk or hang out… we were always there for each other… i just needed to leave her alone for a bit and let her figure her sh*t out on her own, and when she was ready to change again, i was there.  

    maybe just take a step back for a bit. 

    The topic ‘Sometimes it lasts in love, sometimes it hurts instead *long rant with poll*’ is closed to new replies.

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