(Closed) Sometimes my husband reallt irks me…ugh

posted 4 years ago in Pregnancy
Post # 2
Member
3755 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

The first trimester is the worst because they can’t even grasp the concept that you are actually pregnant and what you go through during that time. Hormones are raging, your body is changing so much, it’s impossible for an outsider that never has (or never will!) gone through it to really empathize. A lot of us have been there, and unfortunately even later in pregnancy it’s still tough for them to understand so you might not ever get the full sympathy you are looking for. We are here for you, we get it!!

Post # 4
Member
62 posts
Worker bee

I think sometimes they get frustrated because they have no idea what we are feeling like. My husband asks me all the time how I am feeling so he can kind of empathize with me. There are times I get so annoyed with him and I get snappy and he’ll just laugh at me and say something like “man those hormones sure are showing their ugly face!” This usually makes me stop and pause and think about my actions while realizing how idiotic I am acting.. Lol.

I just hit 14 weeks so I am hoping I calm down a little at this point. 

Post # 5
Member
6887 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Most men are visual beings, so for a woman who is newly pregnant and doesn’t show any phsyical signs it is hard for said man to realize that a woman’s emotions are going to be all over the place.  I would get him a book that shows week by week what your body/emotions will go through

Post # 6
Member
814 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I 100% get where you’re coming from! Darling Husband doesn’t try to act like I’m overreacting, but he’s definitely been less helpful this last week than he was when we first found out. I’ve had pretty constant nausea and acid reflux for about 2 weeks now, with zero appetite on top of that. It never fails that he will ask me what sounds good for dinner every single night..no matter how many times I tell him that nothing sounds good and I literally have to force myself to eat 3 meals a day. I love the man to death though!

Post # 7
Member
2160 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

kbequette08:  I sent my husband a bunch of articles about Dads and pregnancy hormons in the first trimester, that really helped. He also came along to all of my prenatal appointments and ultrasounds. Also, it helped when he saw how sick I was (throwing up..).  Your hormon levels will become more bearable in the second trimester and it’ll get easier. 

Post # 8
Member
2160 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Also my husband is far more understanding when I explain what’s going on to him, without just giving him the hormonal “surface” experience. What I mean is, for example, if I say to him “This is driven by hormones, so deep down I know this is not a valid concern, but right now I m terrified that I won’t be a good mother, and I need you to give me a hug and reassure me that that is nonsense. ” That gets a great supportive reaction from him.. Unlike if I just burst into tears and say “wah, I’m gonna be a terrible mother “. He doesn’t know what to do with that. It’s hard on the men to have to deal with our hormones as well as their own emotions regarding becoming a father and I find it helps and is more fair if I tell my husband exactly how I’m feeling, explain why, and explain what reaction I need from him. He wants me to be happy and he said it’s kinda scary for a man to be faced with a crying woman and not know what she needs from him. So.. Just spell it out and explain 🙂

 

Post # 9
Member
1663 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Oh I’ve been there! I’m 35 weeks with #2, and it just dawned on me during this pregnancy that men truly dont get it. Even my OB/GYN who is male says that he knows what women go through, but doesn’t understand. 

What helped with Darling Husband is telling him, calmly, straight up what I felt like. In the first tri I explained that I felt like I had the worst hangover 24/7, and there is nothing that can take that feeling away, and on top of it, I take care of dd (who was 1 1/2 at the time) all day by myself. 

Now that I’m 35 weeks and huge, I explained that it’s hard for me to do a lot of things and some things I simply cannot do anymore even if I wanted to. When I tell him how I physically feel, he is more understanding because he doesn’t have all the hormones, but he can understand what a hangover feels like, or being mind numbingly tired. Lol my hand and feet swelling has been so bad lately that it scares him (doc said all is fine) so he tells me not to make supper and when he gets home from work, he takes care of dd and makes supper so I can ‘sit and put my feet up’ I’m not about to argue with that. 

I think once you start showing, your Darling Husband will come around. Men are visual and can’t understand what it feels like to be pregnant. 

Post # 10
Member
1341 posts
Bumble bee

Unfortunately it’s somethung they won’t ever truly empathise with as they won’t go through it, but they can sympathise If you talk to them about it rationally. although yes you will feel emotional because of it, I would also try to keep THAT in mind and remind yourself that there is a reason you are feeling that way, it helps get you through and over it quicker. I don’t think women should use the ‘I’m pregnant so I’m allowed to be angry” or whatever as it isn’t really fair on the partner to cop, but when you are feeling like crap, it isn’t because of them, it’s because of you and re baby. 

Post # 11
Member
57 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I found my husband was empathetic the whole time but he really became most helpful as I started to become rounder. I think most men want to get it but it’s tough because they can’t feel what you are feeling. As your body visibly changes, then they maybe start to grasp the magnitude of those changes more.

Don’t let him diminish how you feel, it is perfectly valid to express frustration when you feel rotten. We have all been there and understand!

Post # 12
Member
532 posts
Busy bee

My Fiance Is trying to empathise, I know he is but because I’m only 5 1/2 weeks and don’t look pregnant he just can’t really grasp that I’m feeling different.

I talk to him about it and he can see how exhausted, so he is doing what he can. But it’s hard enough for me to comprehend what my body is going through. I can’t expect him too!

i know he thinks I am being super melodramatic when I talk about how out of breath I get and how dizzy I feel and q few times he has really wound me up by trying to make light of the situation and make jokes, which I definitely don’t find funny at the mo!

I’m sure when you’re physically bigger and restricted to what you can do, that’s when he thinks he needs to step up to the mark and help out. MEN! Honestly…!

Post # 13
Member
394 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

kbequette08:  Men can’t relate to their pregnant wives. I’m almost 10 weeks along and my Darling Husband cannot comprehend why I get tired all of a sudden, why am I throwing up or unable to get out of bed. But atleast he keeps quiet about it! lol I think we already have alot to handle on our plates and bothering about how our husbands are reacting to us should be least of our worries. This is a time for adjusting to the pregnancy and feeling comfortable. The hormones arent kind to us, the best we can do is be kind to ourselves…just take it easy…remember it’s the hormones…this will pass 🙂 Good luck.

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