- 4 years ago
I love my Fiance dearly. He loves me for me and emotionally supports me unfailingly; however, I at times get so angry and frustrated with Fiance because of our financial issues. Honestly, we live paycheck to paycheck, and sometimes the stress of bills gets overwhelming and I cannot help but think if I was not with Fiance or with someone different, my life would be different.
For some background, when we first met, Fiance dealt with alcoholism and depression, as well as some weird medical mysteries that left him unable to work. We started dating in 2012 and he quit working because of a excruciating pain in his head. No one could find a medical cause for it. During this time, I paid for everything while he worked on stuff. We were just dating so it wasn’t bills or anything, but it was still hard on my just-out-of-college salary to cover date nights, etc. We took a break shortly after and when we got back together, he was working again and his head pain gone after some more treatments. About a year later, things were starting to really look up. He had gotten a better job, quit drinking, and had been going to therapy for depression. He had worked so hard that year to build himself up to be a better supporter for me (his words, not mine). But then, he injured his leg and couldn’t work again. Once again, I was paying for everything. I had a better job at this time, but still, it was hard. The doctors took 6 months to diagnose the injury and do surgery.
We then moved out of state as I had gotten a promotion in my job. He was still recovering from his leg injury and since he works labor jobs (growing up on a farm his entire life), he had to wait until his physical therapy was cleared. He got a job with a lawn company, but after a few days on the job, it became apparant that his leg muscles were still very weak. They moved him to sales, which he hated. He quit that job and found another. He worked that for a bit, and then began to hate the guy he worked with. So, then he decided he wanted to go to school. During this time, I paid for everything. I had gotten another raise at work, so it was a bit easier, and with school, he did qualify for some grants that covered bills, but it wasn’t easy. Fiance quickly got overwhelmed at school and wanted to drop out to get another job. So, he got another job. Things were fine for a bit, we weren’t make a ton of extra money, but it was getting better.
Well, then, he mysteriously started getting very sick (like sick to his stomach) and was out of work for a week. He had talked about wanting to start maybe police school because he didn’t like his boss. One day, as I was getting ready for work, I had an awful thought and came out of the shower to see him lying on the couch, I asked him if he had quit his job without telling me. He said yes, and it blew up into a huge fight. I gave him back his ring and kicked him out of our apartment for a couple weeks.
We eventually worked things out, and he came back, determined to prove himself. He found a good job with a local farmer, which is what he grew up doing, and he really clicked well with the guy. He wasn’t making a huge wage, but it was enough to support his part of the bills which is what I cared about.
Fast forward to now, Fiance now has a heart condition or possible lung condition, so he is once again, not working. He went to play basketball one day and came back with an accelerated heartbeat that made his chest hurt and hard to breath. It’s not a heart attack or anything they’ve been able to diaganose him with yet. He is on a heart monitor right now for testing. It’s just frustrating because over the past couple of months, we’ve had to borrow money to cover our bills and can barely afford groceries and basic responsbilities. Like, right now, I can’t afford to go get my oil changed in my car and it’s overdue. He did try to go back to work after a couple weeks gone, but they sent him home when he couldn’t breathe correctly. He gets winded even going up our stairs. There’s no end in sight for this right now,
I’ve tried to be supportive, but it’s SO hard to look at my paychecks where I am making more money than ever and be as poor as I am. I’ve worked so hard over the past couple years to get where I am and have just got another bonus on my paycheck, but it’s not enough. I’m not saving any money as it goes to all paying my bills, my debts, and then FI’s bills and debts. I am not where I want to be in life financially, and I cannot help but put some of the blame on him.
I love him, and I really do want to marry him – but honestly, sometimes, I get so resentful towards him for putting me in this situation. Does anyone else have a similar story?