- 6 years ago
- Wedding: September 2012
I’ve thought long and hard about writing this post.
About a week ago, someone posted that she was beginning to experience an irrational fear of her fiance dying. Well, hive. It happened to me. And I am writing this post to tell you that not only was it the most painful, horrible, and life-altering experience I have EVER been through, I am also writing to tell you that, God forbid it should happen to any one of you, there is life after death.
Once upon a time, I was engaged to a wonderful, amazing, generous, smart, sexy, funny man. Stephen was my soulmate. Here is a picture of us on a friend’s boat:
One beautiful July afternoon, expecting Stephen to return home after a three-day trip with relatives out-of-state, I received a phone call that would forever change my life. He had been swimming from one side of a lake to another in New Hampshire and no one saw him make it to the other side. Unbeknownst to me, when I received the call at 6:15 p.m., the authorities had already been searching for him for three hours. They would continue searching until dark – about another three hours. His body was not found until the next morning with the help of a special boat with sonar. He was found in 30 feet of water, less than 100 feet from shore.
The days, weeks and months that followed were an absolute blur. Grieving is a very slow, very painful process. But with the support of family, friends and co-workers, one very small step at a time, I have been able to get my life back to normal.
I fell in love with a wonderful man who, to this day, holds me when I cry about my loss. He hung a picture of Stephen in our walk-in-closet. I have to believe that we were brought together for a reason. It takes an amazing person to love someone who still loves, and cherishes the memories she has, with another man. Here I am, planning our wedding, and Stephen’s dad is walking me down the aisle. (My dad passed away in 2004).
Life will never be the same. I am not the same person. But I am writing this to tell you that life does go on after such a tragedy. I’m not exactly sure when it happened, but now when I think of Stephen it’s mostly with a smile, not tears. Sometimes tears, but mostly smiles.
Katy Perry said it best: “After a hurricane comes a rainbow”. There is always light at the end of the tunnel.