(Closed) Somewhat depressing

posted 9 years ago in Waiting
Post # 17
Member
2605 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I’m turning 36 this week actually, and my first marriage ended when I was 20.  If I’d known that it would take me 16 years to find the right guy after my divorce, I think I might have gone a little crazy.  I always wanted to have kids before 30 as well, for the same health/ease issues the other bees have mentioned.  Well after years and years of it just not happening… I finally started to let go of the plan and the timeline.  I’m happy, and we’re planning our engagement, and we’re NOT planning a family, and guess what?  I couldnt be happier with that decision.  My point is, that sometimes the path turns out to be longer than you thought, and sometimes there’s a huge bend in the road that you didn’t see… for sure, life is too short to worry about the future, and all we have is the moment, so just enjoy.

Post # 19
Member
1723 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

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@kay01: I know how you’re feeling!  I’m a couple years younger than you but in my life plan, I was supposed to get married this year!  It will be later than I planned but I really think it’s best.  I’m one of those “things happen when they should” people.  Maybe he will realize and propose soon!  You know, you also don’t have to have that long of an engagement.  I’ve read a few people on here who are planning now so they can have a shorter engagement.  Good luck!

Post # 21
Member
1723 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

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@kay01:  I’m bad with change as well, I would go batty too!! hehe.  We’re having a 1.5 year engagement.  We’re getting married June 2012 and a lot of the places are already booked.  You could always see if they would “hold” it for you, that’s what ours did.  I think 9 months is enough for people to plan if you are engaged by then, if it’s not actually a year.  I think I would for sure look at ceremony and reception places and everything else can be figured out!

Post # 22
Member
181 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I never planned for anything. I don’t understand why women do. Most men don’t! Is it something that is taught to us when we are young? We’re “supposed” to love babies and marraige etc etc?

Anyway, I’m 26 and engaged. When I marry I’ll be 27. I feel whatever about my age of marriage – it’s not like I have to “settle” down…I still get to travel and do all the things I do now! I’m just committed and have a great partner! 

Post # 24
Member
3519 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

At 37, I can honestly say that I’m glad I “lived” before getting engaged.  I can’t even imagine what life would be like if I married any of my previous idiot ex-boyfriends.

Post # 25
Member
1676 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

Yes, I know how you feel.  I’ve had many days where I just feel really down because my life is not where I had imagined.  I’m 32 and not married and have no children either.  I’m engaged finally but even now that I’m planning my wedding I feel so behind.  I have to remind myself that this is my life and even though I wanted to be married before 25 and have children at 25 like my mom that would probably not have worked out as well.  I feel much more grounded now and feel that I would have missed so much if I would have started that early.  I wish I would have got married in my late twenties but that did not happen either. You can’t control everything in your life especially when others are involved.  I guess it’s just one of those life lessons. My new plan is to be married in 6-8 months and then start TTC right after.  I don’t think you need to have a long engagement when you have children in mind at our ages.

So exciting that you are looking at rings!!  I’m sure it will happen soon for you and once it does it will be easier to accept where your life is.  Life is a succession of lessons which must be lived to be understood. ~ Helen Keller

Post # 26
Member
2017 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

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@kay01: If you truly want children before/around age 35 you really should re-think the idea of proposing to him.  Yes, it would be more romantic, etc. if he did it on his own but you don’t have many child-bearing years to waste.  Here’s a worst-case scenario to scare you into action: What if, God forbid, you wait another year or so and it doesn’t work out for whatever reason?  Then you would have to meet someone else, date, get engaged, etc.  And then, bam, you’re 40 and freaking. And childless.

And don’t be deluded by all those actresses in their forties having kids.  Yes, they can get pregnant, but 99% of the time they use a donor egg.  So, if marriage and children are what you want, then you can’t afford to be coy about it at age 32.

You should light a fire under his ass, rushing or pressuring be damned!  Good luck:)

 

Post # 27
Member
19 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: January 2005

@kay01: I completely understand how you feel.  Being in our 30s can be rough for us still waiting, ESPECIALLY when we are in long-term relationships and haven’t yet had kids. Growing up I always thought I’d be married in my 20s and that I wanted kids. But at 31, I am not yet engaged and still back and forth about having kids. I didn’t meet my guy until my late 20s, but I wouldn’t change it for anything. I love what MissNoodles said. Life is short and you’ve just gotta live and let what happens be. I will never regret living my life, dating, and waiting to settle down until the absolute right person came along. If it turns out that I can’t have children because of it, well then, that’s okay. It wasn’t meant to be. I would continue to appreciate the many other wonderful things I have in my life.

Post # 28
Member
3586 posts
Sugar bee

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@ohheavenlyday: LMAO Me too!

Kay- It used to bother me, but now I’m sorta chill. I met my SO at 27, the perfect age to date at and get married at 30 I used to think,LOL. (I’m 30 now) So it’s kinda hard. I’m pregnant now, so it’s kinda different now. I still want to get married soon, but it’s like at least the baby part will be okay. (I was worried about being able to have babies.) Still waiting for the big question, but we’ll see.

Post # 30
Member
2522 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

Growing up, I never had a set age that I wanted to be married by. I guess the only age I really thought about was when I would start thinking about children, which for me is 30. I assumed I would be married by then, but didn’t really plan it.

I honestly didn’t think I would be on the verge of getting engaged so young (21), but I don’t regret the position I’m in. Things just happen when they’re meant to, I guess. Sometimes this can be a blessing, and sometimes just a pain in the ass.

Post # 31
Member
444 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

oye..i didn’t start dating until i was almost 20, so I don’t think marriage was what I had in mind…i guess i’m late to all the parties..i’m married now at 30 and I want to have kids before 33…To me, I’m moving at a good pace.  I had time to develop mentally and better prepared for that future.  I’m more ready now than had I gotten married sooner.  Things just happen more effortlessly…when you’re better prepared.

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