Somewhat random questions

posted 2 years ago in Logistics
Post # 2
7992 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

1) Um yes [I’d be upset], whats the point of going to a ceremony if you can’t see it? This sounds like a huge planning misstep. 

2) No kids, no idea

3) DON’T INVITE MORE PEOPLE. Especially if you are already struggling to fit people into the ceremony. I don’t like a B list, but IF you do this, you need to at least wait until you get declines, not just assume. 

Post # 3
1023 posts
Bumble bee

1. I’d be pissed. And think poorly of both of you for doing that to your guests. Some people don’t give a fig about seeing the actual ceremony, but some people do. I feel really awkward about not attending a ceremony and going to the reception. I’d rather just decline than skip the actual ceremony.

2. I’m not a parent. If your 8 and 11 year old can’t behave themselves for 3 hours I’d be thinking some uncharitable thoughts about the parents. I wouldn’t bat an eye if they used iPads with the volume on LOW.

3. No that is not okay. Especially as you don’t even have room for all the guests you invited. You’ll see lots of online articles telling you “X percent of your guests will decline” but that’s not set in stone. Your amount of Yes responses may surprise you!

Post # 4
549 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

1) It would be weird to be invited to a wedding and then not be able to see the actual ceremony itself. If this was a reception-only deal I think that should have been indicated in the invitations.

2) You know your kids. Can you hire a sitter just in case?

3) I wouldn’t assume anything. People love to RSVP at the last moment and you’ll be out of luck if more people than you expect say they’re coming. I tend to lean towards B list invites being rude anyway, but if you must do this I would wait until after the deadline has passed and you have a better idea of how many people are coming.

Post # 5
4619 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

View original reply
psyche1978 :  

1- personally I care about the ceremony and to me is the most important bit 

2- your kids your choice

3- do not assume people won’t come

Post # 6
3594 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

1) I’d find that strange/annoying. I would rather just be invited to the reception in that case (UK bee here so it is considered OK to have private ceremony/big reception and to have evening guests)

2) My child is a lot younger than that, but if they are your kids, do what works for them. I think if they want their kindle then sure let them sit in a corner and watch it.

3) Don’t invite more people just yet. A lot of people will be waiting until the deadline to RSVP. Not because they don’t know if they are coming or not, but just because they saw a deadline and have promptly forgetten about it until that deadline. Once then deadline has passed, then invite more to fill any spaces you have.

Post # 7
6950 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

View original reply
psyche1978 :  1) Yes I’d be upset/annoyed about this. 

2) As long as your kids aren’t getting in the way of anything I don’t see what the problem is with them playing on their iPads or whatever. Also I’m assuming that since they’re your kids that they’ll know other guests in attendance (your parents?) so it’s not like they’d have to solely rely on you to keep them busy. 

3) No. Don’t assume. Do not invite any more people. Especially since it sounds like ceremony space is already super tight. 

Post # 8
956 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2019

Agree with most of PPs here

1. I’d be annoyed. The ceremony is one of the sweetest parts and I would be pretty peeved if I was left out of that, especially if some guests got to go and others didn’t.

2. I don’t have kids, but I wouldn’t care if I was at a wedding (or at my wedding) and two young kids were on an iPad of sorts. As long as they were behaving themselves, not making a ruckus, and the volume was low, wouldn’t make a difference to me. 

3. No no no do not invite more people (unless the venue has the capacity, but I’m gathering it does not). Especially since you’ve already received so many yesses, I’d be hesistant to assume that more than half of the remaining RSVP’s come back as no’s.

Post # 9
10538 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

1) The entire point of going to a wedding is seeing the ceremony, so yeah, I would be upset. 

2) an 8 and 11 year old should know how to behave at an adult event for a few hours. Give them whatever gadgets you want as long as they behave. 

3) No. You know what happens when you assume. 

Post # 10
2139 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

View original reply
psyche1978 :  1) yes I’d be annoyed at not being able to see the ceremony. I’m also UK so fine with a private ceremony and reception after BUT if I’m invited to the ceremony, I expect to be able to see. However, your social circle may frown upon separate receptions, it depends largely where you are. Although, regardless if the invites are out now with ceremony information then those people will be expecting to witness the ceremony.

2) you know your kids best. When my dad got married I was 6, we didn’t have iPads or kindles but they didn’t allow me to read my books or find things  to entertain me (I think I might have been allowed some colouring for the meal). They expected me to spend some time with family and enjoy the party.  UK weddings are also a lot longer than 3 hours, more like 12 and whilst I went to bed early and wasn’t around for the entire wedding I was still expected to behave and just get on with it. I don’t think it’s unreasonable to expect your 8 year old and 11 year old to be engaged with your wedding for 3 hours. But like I said, you know your kids best, if that’s an unreasonable request then work something out.

3) don’t invite more people. You still have a while until your RSVP deadline and RSVPs will still come in after that deadline. You can’t assume what the decline rate will be because it varies from wedding to wedding.

Post # 11
508 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

1) I would be upset, unless the invites were for reception only and a separate invitation went out for the private ceremony (and when I say private, I suggest it be you, your FH, and your parents/grandparents/children-that’s it)

2) I don’t have kids, but there will only be 4 children at our wedding (11, 10, 9, 8) and they will be expected to entertain themselves (though I will probably get some coloring/activity books for them)

3) do NOT invite more people.  While I think it’s OK to expect 5-10% of the guest list to say “no” under normal circumstances, I wouldn’t invite anybody else, even if there are some no’s, because you can’t fit everybody in your ceremony to begin with.


I think it might be helpful to give us the capacity of the ceremony space and the capacity of the reception space, so that we can make more informed suggestions

Post # 12
109 posts
Blushing bee
  1. I’d try to figure out a solution for this. If people are invited to the ceremony but can’t see it, that would be a major issue. 
  2. I do not think that it’s good etiquette to have kids watching/playing something on a device at the reception. Especially with the volume on. It’s distracting to the other guests and takes away from the special event. If it’s a casual wedding, then it might be fine.
  3. I don’t know what it’s reasonable to assume.
Post # 13
1016 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

1) I would be annoyed at not being able to see. I’d also be annoyed at being invited to reception only, but that is custom in some places and I don’t know where you are. 

2) You will get judged no matter what, so don’t bother with that. I don’t have a problem with the iPads as three hours is a long time to sit and do nothing- which is what you would be asking them to do. Adults aren’t going to engage them in conversation for long amounts of time. 

3) No. You could have very well exceeded this just with people who’s RSVPs are in the mail right now. You have no way to guarantee that everyone who is invited won’t come. Or in this case that at least 2/3 of the people invited don’t come. I also find it obnoxious to invite people who never got a save-the-date with less than three weeks to get a reply to you. Of course, I don’t like the practice as I think if these people were important to you they would have been on your first list. 

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