Son feels slighted by grandparents

posted 4 months ago in Parenting
Post # 31
Member
3740 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2019 - City, State

I fully believe your child is old enough to comprehend the situation on his own. I’d suggest trying to make plans further ahead, if possible. If you call to invite them to something and they’re unavailable, ask when you’d be able to get together next and try to make a plan then & there. 

Post # 32
Member
517 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

My grandparents had many kids that called them grandma and grandpa but we’re in no way related to them. At 4 I had definitely picked up on it and thought it was unfair. These other kids had their own grandparents and I had to share mine, they don’t have to share theirs. I was upset about it. We moved away from these grandparents when I was six. At 30 I’m over it, but it got brought up last year and all us kids apparently felt the same way. 

I don’t think there is much you can do. Eventually he will just not want to see them as much. 

I took my nieces to play one day when they were, 3, 5 and 8. The three year old was my ex’s sisters baby. And they had never met, the older girls obviously call me auntie and suddenly the three year old was yelling, she’s my auntie and getting mad and I was trying to explain I was legitimately their auntie too. Then of course she wanted me to hold her the whole time. 

Post # 33
Member
6445 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 1997

I don’t believe, that at four years old, he is coming up with feeling slighted on his own – not for one minute. I would bet – at least if you are honest about him not EVER overhearing adults expressing discontent – that the girl has laid it out to him in an, “I’m better/more important than you are” sort of way. I work with children and I have three of my own, and it is likely he would not feel bad about divided attention unless someone brought it to his attention or said something. And kids at Kindergarten age (like the girl) start establishing dominance and a pecking order. I would bet anything that the girl is doing exactly that. I’d limit the time he spends with HER, even if it is with the grandparents.

Post # 34
Member
249 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

As the least favorite grandchild, I picked up on it very young and never said anything. No one had to say anything to me. Kids are perceptive. It wasn’t until I was an adult and said something to my mom about it basically bc I wondered if I was recalling my childhood correctly. She never realized I picked up on the fact I was treated differently and they never pointed it out. She said her and my dad never said anything because they didn’t want to rock the boat with my aunts and uncles or my grandparents.  I’m the only one who doesn’t know the family card game to this day. I laugh it off and we joke about it but I think deep down it was my way of rebelling all those years bc of how I felt like the odd one out and not treated the same. My cousins all learned bc  of how much time they spent there. 

Just give your son the love and adventures. Maybe there’s a bonus grandparent or aunt/uncle for him that could be special and join you for outings. Only you can determine if saying something is worth it. My parents thought the gain wouldn’t have been worth the family drama and I turned out fine. Favoritism is a hard lesson to learn but it happens a lot in life. 

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