- 10 years ago
- Wedding: July 2010
So me and this cake lady have never met but have corresponded via email several times… now keep in mind i am very very busy and usually just send her a quick text email from my phone keeping it simple and to the points.
My cake was suppose to have a bride on top with a fireman heading up a ladder from the bottom.
The lady starting getting standoffish when i told her that I wanted to have a custom made Clay Bride and fireman groom modeled after us so i could have it as a keepsake instead of buying a generic cake topper she had told me she could make some little cartoon ones out of fondant but I told her that I would rather have it made into something i can keep forever… She immediately started getting offensive…asking me why I didnt want her to do these and i just said that I wanted to make them out of clay instead of something edible. She then informed me that if i wanted she could make them out of clay. Well I then progressed to tell her that i was something that I wanted to do & that my fiance had asked me to do it saying it would be really special if i did it myself. I have been practicing and had the exact idea of what I wanted in my head. But told her that I still wanted her to make my cake. She then proceeds to tell me about how many issues she has had with brides and store bought Toppers and support and weight and balance issues. I told her that I have thought alot about that and that I had came up with a slight design change so that would not be an issue & so the figures could stand alone for later displaying use… she proceded to tell me about all the issues she had before and how it never looks right and all of this So i finally tell her that if she wants to do these and can do them out of clay that that will be fine with me because I didnt realize it was going to be such a big issue with my cake which btw was only going to be 2 tier
Anyways I tell her that if she is going to charge me alot more money to make them out of clay that I would rather not have her make them because it was something i was planning to do myself & couldnt afford to spend alot of extra money on in addition to the cake….but that I did not think that I would have the time so I that it would be wonderful if she could do it for me for a resonable price. But also trying to express to her (because i know that she had told me she was really booked up but could squeeze me in as long as my cake wasnt to complex) that if she didnt have the time or if it wasnt something that she really wanted to do with the clay that it was not a big deal. It was only important to me because it was what my fiance wanted & that he came up with the idea himself so i just wanted it for him. It wasnt going to be the end of the cake if she didnt have the time. That i still definately wanted her to make my cake either way & had intended to meet with her next week for a tasting & to discuss all the details.
She got very offended saying that I was being short with her that I insulted her by assuming her work was not good enough.Well I sat down lastnight and type out this huge email appologizing to her numerous times and explaining to her that I didnt mean to be short but that I was very busy & booked up working 6 days a week some 9 & 10 hours shifts on top of doing on site hair & that i was planning this wedding by myself in a short period of time and that i am studying for a state board test & that i am a mother and a pet owner and a fiance , that I was dealing with some medical problems & on top of still trying to be a friend and a daughter and a sister and a church goer and that I & my time was stretched very thin so i just try to keep it simple and to the point.
I told her that I had contacted her because I was very impressed with her work and that I knew that she could do what i wanted. I told her infact i know that you are the only person in this area who can do what I want. I did say that I just wanted it to be personalized and gave her a mini description of the things i wanted added to make the charcters like us and special to us. I told her that I would love for her to do it and if she could do it that would be awesome but that if she couldnt do it (and i meant time wise) that it was ok that we could work something out even if it meant Adding a less complex sugar version to the cake because I could always display the custom ones somewhere else in my wedding. I appologize again and tell her that I appologize but that I am usually not very good with my words and that things dont always tend to come across how i would like for them too.
I thought everything was fine. Well i got a somewhat Nasty email this morning that was subjected ” in your mind your work is better than mine”
She made it very clear that she was mad & extremely offended. She said that I was telling her that I had it in my mind that i could do a better job than her. She made comments about how she is a wife and a mother of 5 and a all of this and a pet owner and she said …. I just cant believe you would use the excuse of owning a pet as why you couldnt take more time to not be short in your emails. She made comments about how it doesnt seem like I know what I want because I am constently changing my mind. I had made a comment before about how i knew that clay was much messier and I didnt ask her in the begining because it wasnt something I knew that had done before or had the tools to do. She got very mad at that thinking i was trying to explain to her the difference of working with the two substances. Then made a comment that neither of which i had ever done (which actually isnt true but not the point) & that she had been working with clay long before i was ever born.
She made comments about me being a bridezilla. (When honestly i was more worried about not putting her out & accomodating her than it seemed like she was to me) Even much so that i was willing to drive 45 mins ONE WAY to go pick up my wedding cake on the day of my wedding because she doesnt deliever a cake that small in size or that far away.
The last thing she said to me was
pardon me if you thoughtless comments are offensive to me –but you need to know when you are commissioning a work of art from another Artisan, that they may become offended when you assume that your abilities are superior to theirs.I am not an artistic snob or even a mean person –but you have really pulled my chain.I am sure that being unkind or offensive was NOT your intent. But you have clearly stated that you think you could do better or at least as good as I can at what I do. All the while telling me how great you think I am. So YEAH –you have stepped on my toes. For future reference if you expect any vendors to work with you you need to not be so thoughtless and self centered.
I dont get it….I dont feel like I ever said anything to make her believe that. I feel like she took anything that could be construded as negative and took it as a personal attack. I mean almost all brides use there own cake toppers they purchase.
It was not like we had even met to really discuss plans yet we had just communicated through a couple of emails.
Yes i might have asked her more than once but the only thing she said to me was that she didnt see why it would be a problem if i covered the cost of the clay. I guess I was doubtful but not in the sense that she couldnt do it … in the sense that since she didnt seem to want to, she didnt ask any details or want to set up a meeting…. it did not seem like she much was completely on board with doing it. So I dont know maybe it was the fact that I never came out and said this is what i want can you do this exact thing… but she never chimmed in and said yes i can do that no problem.
I was so upset today when i read that email it ruined my entire day i cried all day about it. I am not a mean person. I am not a bridezilla. But now I have No one that can make this cake for us.