(Closed) soo…are we engaged or what?

posted 9 years ago in Waiting
Post # 4
180 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: February 2010

The dress is amazing! I absolutely love it. And it looks stunning on you. For $499 I would buy it right now because I’m sure you could sell it for that amount if you had to.

As for the situation with your BF/FI … is he maybe waiting to save enough for the ring? or to plan th eperfect proposal (seems less and less likely now that you know it’s coming, so I would say it’s the money?) I would just have a heart-to-heart with him. As you embark in wedding planning you will and should have many heart-to-hearts, and this is as important as it gets! Make sure you communicate you are uncertain and uncomfortable with the current arrangement, and that you wouldn’t care if he gave you a $10 ring (I’m putting that out there, but you know, modify as it fits you) but that you want the actual proposal before you get too far into this stuff!

At some point you’ll have to talk costs anyhow — who’s paying for what etc. You can’t really book vendors without that, so it’s better to get this out of the way asap. Good luck! and the dress really is amazing! I love it.

Post # 5
2779 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Wow, that dress is seriously gorgeous on you. And you look so happy in it!

Ok, so what I think you have here is a committed relationship, basically a promise to get engaged and married without a promise ring. I think it’s awesome that your Boyfriend or Best Friend has given you “the green light” as you say to get quotes from vendors and to buy a dress if you want. I think it sounds like he really is committed to you but just hasn’t had the chance to buy you a ring yet but has said that it’s coming.

So I think you’re promised to get engaged but not engaged per say. I’m sure other Bees will think differently 🙂 However, I also think it’s well worth asking your SO to see what he thinks, because he might think you’re engaged without him having to say “Will you?” – and I think it’ll go a long way to easing your mind if you know what he thinks 🙂

Post # 6
1363 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

The dress is stunning!  

We got engaged and then started ring shopping together, and I bought my dress after we’d selected my ring, but before it was ready to be picked up.  People choose to get engaged different ways.  My feeling is that if you and your boyfriend have agreed to get married and set a date, you’re engaged.  But if you’re not sure, there’s really only one person who can help you clarify that.  Talk to your bf.

Post # 8
76 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

That dress is so beautiful on you! I think that you are engaged in the most important sense of the world – you’ve agreed to get married! But, are you engaged in the EEEEEEEEEEEH sense? Talk to him! It might just be an issue of getting the ring?

Post # 9
1385 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Dress- beautiful and a TOTAL bargin! WOW! And as for your Beau, he does have the money in a CD and he’s probably very proud of that, but money in CDs can’t just be taken out without penalty- so he’s being a wise man and just waiting it out. Can’t wait until you post your ring in March!!! :o)

Post # 10
18637 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

That dress is gorgeous on you!

To me it sounds like you are engaged to be engaged.  I would make sure that your boyfriend understands that you need a while to plan the wedding, so that he understands you need more than just a month or two to plan an entire wedding.  That should let him know that he needs to make things official.

You probably can’t start to really plan the majority of things until you are engaged.  You are going to have to decide on a budget and if your families are going to pay for part of the wedding or if you are going to pay it all yourself.

Post # 11
4566 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

… are we twins? Seriously. MY boyfriend has the engagement ring money in a CD that doesn’t mature til February and we want to get married in late July/ early August. Get the dress, Just do it! I wish I had that kind of option!

Post # 12
4023 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

My Fiance and I were just like you! we started planning and had a date and everything, but we weren’t engaged. we weren’t officially engaged until he gave me ring.

Post # 13
47 posts
  • Wedding: July 2010

I had a similar situtation with my Fiance who I have been with for 5 years (we’ve lived together for almost 4 of those years). The ring he was having made was taking longer than expected (He looked for almost two years before deciding on the ring I now have on my finger!) and he knew that I wanted to use the last part of my summer vacation (I’m a teacher) to get a lot of the wedding planning done and that since we wanted to get married the following summer, we wanted to make sure that reception locations were not booked, so he had the “chat” with my dad in August and gave me the green light to start planning. One week later, my mom and I had the date, ceremony and reception locations all set! So, as MissAsB said, “you are engaged to be engaged.” Congratulations! Eventhough I had started most of the major planning, I did wait until my Fiance officially proposed and I had the ring on my finger to start trying on dresses because I wanted to save something special for when I was engaged. You’ve found a gorgeous dress though, so I say go for it!

Post # 14
6597 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

You have made the decision to get married together – which is smart because it is a decision that a couple should make together! And so in my book you are technically engaged to be married.

However, I was in the exact same position and didn’t consider myself engaged until the official proposal with the ring (there is marketing and social pressures for you ;-))

We also picked our date and booked multiple vendors before the official proposal and yes it is weird but at the same time the marriage is what matters not a ring on your finger so go for it when it comes to planning and the ring and the official proposal will come!

Your dress looks GORGEOUS on you and you are so happy in it – you can’t pass up the perfect dress for 499!

Post # 15
188 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Gorgeous dress! You look very happy and glamorous in it. 

I would suggest talking to your BF/FI and tell him that you are a tad confused….Ask him what he thinks you guys are. I would hate to start planning a wedding if he wasn’t on board at this time.


Good luck!

Post # 16
399 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

My husband and I were engaged in November and we didn’t have a ring until February.  I didn’t feel any less engaged and it didn’t stop me from planning!  The ring was just the icing for me!

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