- 6 years ago
- Wedding: January 2013
I need help and advice. My Fiance has two children. A 10 year old daughter and a 7 year old daughter. I have a 13 year old daughter and a 10 year old son. We have taken our relationship very slow to give our kids time to adjust. We dont even live together because according to the therapist, since their mother abandoned them they need time to gain trust.
So we do sleepovers, go on vacations, just lots of family stuff but not live together til closer to the wedding. My FI’s oldest daughter also has ADHD and sees the psychiatrist regularly for medication. I can deal with ADHD because I suffered with it as a child and know how to be patient. The issue is that she is making all of the kids miserable with other behavior that isnt related to her ADHD and Fiance doesnt see it.
She constantly tattles on children for not doing anything. I mean she will go and start an argument with her sister or my children, then come crying when no one wants to play with her. She makes up things that are not true, gets them in trouble and becomes hysterical if you call her on her behavior. She told a fib that got a child suspended from school. If the kids get something from the store and she decides she doesnt like hers, she demands her younger sisters toy, she keeps on til the youngest finally just breaks down and gives it to her. I said to Fiance thats not fair, he said well thats what they always do.
Two weeks ago my oldest daughter took them down the street to the park, a block away. The rule is that everyone must stay together. So its time to come home from the park and she doesnt want to leave. My daughter says come on lets go. So FI’s daughter moves 5 feet and stops and says she isnt moving. It took my daughter an hour to get her from the park to the house and its one block away. So they get almost home and she is still refusing to move because she doesnt want to come home. So my daughter, her little sister and my son, come in the house. Well she comes running in the door crying about how they left her to scare her. So Fiance sends the other three kids to their rooms as punishment and makes them apologize to her. Only afterwards did we find out that she had lied. Also it ticks me off that when she is getting them in trouble that she has this smirk on her face, when she catches me looking at her she drops the look.
The absolute worst is the day when she told my son, If I want to get you in trouble I can, because all I have to do is tell my dad you were mean to me and he wont believe you if you say im lying. Then she proceeded down the hall and told Fiance that my son broke her toy on purpose and said he didnt like her. My son is very gentle. He is sweet and gets along with everyone. Fiance got upset and my son tried to tell him he didnt do anything but he didnt believe my son.
My Fiance and I got into a huge fight and I finally broke down and told him all the things his daughter is doing to all of the kids and that I tell my children not to argue with her just get up and leave. Fiance said I was basically calling his daughter a brat. I never said she was a brat, I just mentioned that perhaps she is doing this because she needs to be the center of attention. Before her mother left she would do all kinds of things to get her mothers attention and it never worked. I believe she has learned that by making things up and by getting kids in trouble she gets attention even if its not good attention.
Also Fiance wants the kids to be part of the bridal party. My son will walk me down the aisle, his youngest will be flower girl and his oldest and my daughter to be junior bridesmaids. However she is an attention hog and so disruptive I dont want to exclude her personally so Im excluding all the children. My children say this isnt fair to them and to FI’s youngest daughter but I have explained to the kids that she could be disruptive during the ceremony.
Oh and FI’s idea of punishment is taking her ipod away, and sending her to her room where she has cable, a computer and all her toys. Im frustrated and dont know what else to do. I love this man. I love his girls. I have tried to explain to her that her behavior is inappropriate, when I catch her lying I call her on it. SHe becomes hysterical and says Im picking on her. When she was acting trampy…yes I have seen this child grinding the floor like a stripper, asked where she learned it and she says sexy tv, My daughter is trying to teach her to be appropriate but even my daughter is running out of patience.
Help Bee’s any advice would be appreciated