(Closed) Sooo disappointed, but trying to be grateful!

posted 8 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
1871 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

My impression is that if you had a falling out and then she later agrees to host your shower at her house, she’s probably trying to hold out the olive branch.

Maybe you should think about accepting it.

Post # 4
7300 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

Did the other girls know about the falling out? You say you hoped she wouldn’t be invited, but did your other friends know you weren’t speaking to her?

Post # 5
1537 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I agree with JennyW1 maybe this is a peace offering? At this point I think you might have to just be as positive about the whole things as possible. There is no way that friend could have hard feelings if she’s hosting an event for you at her place. I know if it was me in her shoes and there was still frustration in the air I would be like “Hell No!” when asked. So maybe make the best of it. It’s always better to have more friends than enemies right? Or is this one of those unforgivable things?

Post # 6
1995 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I would let the girls throwing it about your feelings.  Did they ask her to use her house or did she just offer it hoping that maybe she’d be asked to be a bridesmaid or even just invited?  I guess you could just suck it up and hope that it’s fine even though she’s there or cancel the whole thing!  You could claim you don’t have much time what with travelling 1 hr each way to the party and can only keep it short!

Post # 8
5977 posts
Bee Keeper

I also think this is her offering out the olive branch. I think that maybe this is her way of saying she’s sorry. Is the crime so bad that you wouldn’t consider forgiving her for it? It sounds like she’s really trying to make ammends.

Post # 9
10851 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

I wouldn’t exactly be excited about seeing her either, but I’d have to agree that she’s trying to make ammends. Maybe it would be a good idea to call her and see if you could mend things before you have to see her face to face. Or just see if you’re comfortable talking to her in general. I agree that if she were still upset she wouldn’t be hosting your shower, so maybe in her mind things are done and forgotten, or it wasn’t such a big deal to her in the first place. Is she invited to the wedding?

Post # 10
2829 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

@mrs.peters.to.be: “There is no way that friend could have hard feelings if she’s hosting an event for you at her place.”


Okay, I really hate to be the devils advocate here, but that^ is not entirely true. Just because what one person would do/say/feel one way doesn’t mean it applies to everyone.  It’s call subversion. Manipulation. Being Conniving. Women are especially good at it.

Now I am not saying that this is what the woman in question is trying to do (find a way to insert herself back into the poster’s life to cause drama) vs. extending the olive branch, I personally would just be very wary of her motives, & not expect a whole lot of ‘fun’ in regards to the whole thing.


I wouldn’t stress over it too much, since at this point it would be a little rude to ask your friends to do all the work of organizing & inviting all over again. Grin and bear it yes, but I would also be an my guard for any of the shenanigans that she would pull in thepast.

Post # 11
3762 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I think the bottom line as you said is that its too late to change the location.  You are going to have to come to terms with this and show up at the shower. 

Think about it this way:  Since its at her house, she will be busy running the party and helping to play hostess.  That leaves less time for you to have to interact with her.  There will be plenty of people there for you to stay busy talking to, you probably won’t even really have to see her. 

If you really think things might get tense between you two, explain to your other BM’s that if you get stuck talking to her, then one of them need to come “rescue” you.  Have an excuse pre-planned, like “Hey Crazy, can you help me find some extra trash bags?”

Post # 12
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

I would be really pissed at my BM’s for doing this. I”m sorry I know that doesn’t help you, but they didn’t even consider your feelings when planning your shower! Of course that’s going to be awkward for you and that is NOT ok, you are the BRIDE! I don’t care if the invites have gone out, I would insist on trying to change the location. It is so violating this girl is even involved at all!

Post # 14
1166 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

My gosh, why aren’t you upset with the friend who secretly allowed her to host your shower? She knew you were at odds, AND that you weren’t planning to invite her to the wedding. What on earth was she thinking? Have you asked her?

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