Post # 1
One of my BM’s is throwing me a bridal shower here in few weeks. At first I was totally ecstatic because all three of my BM’s including my Maid/Matron of Honor (who is my little sister) all live in different cities from each other and myself. So I thought it would be too difficult to get everyone together. However, my best friend and (BM) took it upon herself to throw my shower in the city where I used to live (about an hour away from my current city) since many of my other old friends live there as well.
However, there is one old friend in particular I was hoping wouldn’t get invited. Just before I moved, she was pretty ruthless to me and we sort of had a falling out. We have maybe talked three times in the past six months. I didn’t tell my friend not to invite her, however, I was hoping she wouldn’t.
Well, not only did my friend invite her, they are throwing my shower at HER house!!!! Time does NOT heal all wounds, and I still have not forgiven this friend for being so awful to me. I did not ask her to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man for a reason! Now, I am not even excited to go anymore. It is going to be awkward and I feel like I will have to be fake and polite the entire time. I would have said something to my friend about this making me uncomfortable, but she wouldn’t let me see the invite until it was mailed to me…along with all of the other guests. So now it is too late to change the location.
And I feel like I would be rude and immature to request a change of location anyway. I don’t know what to do…grin and bear it I guess. Any thoughts of what I can/should do??
Post # 3
My impression is that if you had a falling out and then she later agrees to host your shower at her house, she’s probably trying to hold out the olive branch.
Maybe you should think about accepting it.
Post # 4
Did the other girls know about the falling out? You say you hoped she wouldn’t be invited, but did your other friends know you weren’t speaking to her?
Post # 5
I agree with JennyW1 maybe this is a peace offering? At this point I think you might have to just be as positive about the whole things as possible. There is no way that friend could have hard feelings if she’s hosting an event for you at her place. I know if it was me in her shoes and there was still frustration in the air I would be like “Hell No!” when asked. So maybe make the best of it. It’s always better to have more friends than enemies right? Or is this one of those unforgivable things?
Post # 6
I would let the girls throwing it about your feelings. Did they ask her to use her house or did she just offer it hoping that maybe she’d be asked to be a bridesmaid or even just invited? I guess you could just suck it up and hope that it’s fine even though she’s there or cancel the whole thing! You could claim you don’t have much time what with travelling 1 hr each way to the party and can only keep it short!
Post # 7
@MissTattoo, Yes she knew about the falling out. All three of us worked for the same company.
One day she got really upset about me moving and changing jobs so I could live with my (now) Fiance. She hadn’t been supportive at all and had been causing little fights for months. I couldn’t take it anymore and just asked her to stop trying to make me feel bad about leaving and she absolutely flipped out on me. Screaming at me, etc. At work nonetheless. Totally dramatic and silly. For the past six months, I have tried to initiate contact every once in a while, but she never asks how I am doing or anything. Just tells me what is going on with her. So I just stopped trying to be her friend.
So now I suppose she could be extending the olive branch as suggested by Jenny, but I am just stressed about the whole thing becoming dramatic and ridiculous. I just want to focus on having a good time.
Post # 8
I also think this is her offering out the olive branch. I think that maybe this is her way of saying she’s sorry. Is the crime so bad that you wouldn’t consider forgiving her for it? It sounds like she’s really trying to make ammends.
Post # 9
I wouldn’t exactly be excited about seeing her either, but I’d have to agree that she’s trying to make ammends. Maybe it would be a good idea to call her and see if you could mend things before you have to see her face to face. Or just see if you’re comfortable talking to her in general. I agree that if she were still upset she wouldn’t be hosting your shower, so maybe in her mind things are done and forgotten, or it wasn’t such a big deal to her in the first place. Is she invited to the wedding?
Post # 10
@mrs.peters.to.be: “There is no way that friend could have hard feelings if she’s hosting an event for you at her place.”
Okay, I really hate to be the devils advocate here, but that^ is not entirely true. Just because what one person would do/say/feel one way doesn’t mean it applies to everyone. It’s call subversion. Manipulation. Being Conniving. Women are especially good at it.
Now I am not saying that this is what the woman in question is trying to do (find a way to insert herself back into the poster’s life to cause drama) vs. extending the olive branch, I personally would just be very wary of her motives, & not expect a whole lot of ‘fun’ in regards to the whole thing.
I wouldn’t stress over it too much, since at this point it would be a little rude to ask your friends to do all the work of organizing & inviting all over again. Grin and bear it yes, but I would also be an my guard for any of the shenanigans that she would pull in thepast.
Post # 11
I think the bottom line as you said is that its too late to change the location. You are going to have to come to terms with this and show up at the shower.
Think about it this way: Since its at her house, she will be busy running the party and helping to play hostess. That leaves less time for you to have to interact with her. There will be plenty of people there for you to stay busy talking to, you probably won’t even really have to see her.
If you really think things might get tense between you two, explain to your other BM’s that if you get stuck talking to her, then one of them need to come “rescue” you. Have an excuse pre-planned, like “Hey Crazy, can you help me find some extra trash bags?”
Post # 12
I would be really pissed at my BM’s for doing this. I”m sorry I know that doesn’t help you, but they didn’t even consider your feelings when planning your shower! Of course that’s going to be awkward for you and that is NOT ok, you are the BRIDE! I don’t care if the invites have gone out, I would insist on trying to change the location. It is so violating this girl is even involved at all!
Post # 13
Thanks for everyone’s input!! To give you some background, she is pretty manipulative and conniving and selfish. I was more than happy to let go of this friendship. She was friends with my Fiance before he and I started dating. She had a crush on him but he wasn’t interested. So from day one of us together, she always had something to say. Either he wasn’t good enough for her, or she would rub in time they had spent together. She said some pretty mean stuff to me, and as a result, my Fiance doesn’t even want her to be his friend.
And to be honest, she was not even on the guest list for the wedding. Neither my Fiance or I consider her a friend and our wedding is going to be small with family and close friends. She does NOT fit into that category at all. My friend who organized the shower KNEW I did not want to invite this other girl to the wedding. However, now since she is practially throwing me the shower, I feel obligated to invite her to the wedding.
My biggest dread is that I know this girl will go on and on at the party about how she still isn’t married yet and how her boyfriend won’t committ. Blah blah. She has done this type of thing before. And I really don’t want anyone raining on my parade right now.
Ugh. Well, thanks for letting me vent, ladies and thanks for the advice. I’ll suck it up and deal with it. And hopefully she will be busy enough the entire time that I wont really have to deal with her one-on-one.
Post # 14
My gosh, why aren’t you upset with the friend who secretly allowed her to host your shower? She knew you were at odds, AND that you weren’t planning to invite her to the wedding. What on earth was she thinking? Have you asked her?