Post # 17
ellebeerob – My sister is due 3 weeks after my wedding and when she told me, I was over the moon for her. I didn’t even consider my wedding a factor in this, she is allowed to be preggo the same time I am getting married!
I agree with telling her first so she has a chance to let it all sink in and to think about any possible changes she may want to make.
From looking at it the other way around, while I’d be gutted if she can’t attend my wedding, I’ve already said that her and the baby’s health is #1 here and we’ll just have to have a wedding part 2 if it turns out she cannot attend for any reason. (She will also have to travel about 4 hours to get to my wedding.) and I’m sure your sister will feel the same.
Post # 18
Just be sure to tell her that you are sorry and that you tried at this time because of your problems i.e. you weren’t doing it on purpose to try and steal her thunder (tell her this in private)
Basically tell her exactly what you told us, everyone will be happy for you and you can see about changing things around is at all possible.
Post # 19
Honestly, I don’t see a problem at this point. Let your sister know ASAP, in case they can move the date up a couple weeks and give you a little more margin. Communicating honestly, and sooner rather than later, is important.
Let your doctor know about your travel plans and make sure you know where the local hospital is, just in case you go into labor early. If you have complications later on, it might become a problem, but you can handle that if it arises.
Post # 20
you need to let her know ASAP. my friend was 36 weeks at my wedding (DD 3 weeks after my date) and she gave birth the day before and missed it. tell her, especially if there’s a possibility she can change the date. she will be less angry the sooner you let her know.
Post # 21
Congrats!!! Just be honest with your sister — it may take her a bit to process the information, but, in the end, can she really be angry at you for this? Your having her future niece/nephew!
Post # 23
She literally does not understand that I can’t be there and keeps sending me maternity bridesmaid dresses to look at. I keep telling her, and her response? “No big deal. Just find a hospital you like in the town the wedding is in.”
And yes, there was a thunder-stealing meltdown, but it was to her Fiance, friends, and our family – not me. Lord have mercy.
Post # 24
*hugs* I’m sorry. You’ll just have to stand your ground on this one and keep repeating that you can’t travel. Perhaps say that your doctor forbid it (a little white lie to soften the situation).
Maybe even look into setting up Skype so that if you aren’t in labour you can watch the wedding anyway?
Also try not to hold it against her, deep down she knows that you didn’t do this on purpose but in a perfect world you would only be 5 months pregnant at her wedding (or something). She’s planned this for so long and even though she knows that you didn’t mean to, it will dramatically change how her wedding pans out and feels.
Post # 25
ellebeerob i think you need to expalin to her that you cannot travel! And perhaphs drop the hint for her to move her date.
“it really isnt possible for me to be there on your day. I was just so looking forward to it, if only i was 7 months pregnant when you get married i definetly could come.”
then it wouldnt be you forcing her to change her date and she will be able to come up with a solution, and she would be the hero.
Post # 26
@mrsrangrang: I agree with the first part of what you are saying, about emphasising that she cannot travel.
However, I really don’t think that she should drop any hints about moving the date. Her sister’s wedding is pretty soon and changing the date is a lot of work and costly. If her sister offers to move the date off her own bat, then great! But the OP shouldn’t imply to her sister that she expects her to move her date and given that the sister is feeling sensitive at the moment, dropping a hint may come across as expecting her to change it.
Post # 27
Tickles not sure if you have been following this or just missed ellebeerob‘s previous post. but she has said their may be some chance her sister could move her date back:
I’m really really hoping that there’s a chance she can have it in April.
For some people changing their dates really isnt that much of a hassel or extra cost. My DH and i changed our date for my brother and his partner, this was 6 months from the wedding. It can be done. Yes it is more work, but for me there wasnt any other costs associated with it (in my case). And i was the one who wanted them both to be there. But if there is a chance that OP’s sister can change the date then why not broch the subject? Im in no way saying that her sister has to change it, just if there on an off chance she might be able to. Honestly i would have been gutted if my sister or brother couldnt attend. and i did everything i could to make it so they could.
Post # 28
I did make an 8 hour drive at 38 weeks to a friends wedding this summer. Somewhat against dr’s request – but knowing full well the risk I was taking. It was my second baby and my first was late. Plus my first delivery was super easy so I wasn’t too worried if I did go into labor. (Actually at the time I figured we’d have time to drive back – but when that baby did arrive – 3 days after her due date – it was a 3 hr labor – so we would not have made it home!)
I sat in the back of a minivan with my feet up on a cooler so help keep swelling down. Wore compression socks – again to help with swelling. We stopped every 2-3 hrs to pee and walk around. The walking was per the doctor’s request to prevent blood clots as they are more common with pregnancy. It really wasn’t that bad. BUT 38 weeks pregnant in Savannah in July is pretty miserable. It’s HOT HOT HOT 🙂
All that being said – you have no clue what you’ll feel like at 30 weeks OR 38 weeks. You may feel great. You may have blood pressure or sweeling issues. Every person is different as is every pregnancy. We didn’t decide til that week if we’d go or not. You need to let your sister know that your doctor WILL NOT LET YOU TRAVEL (they won’t!) past 36 weeks and as this is your first baby you don’t feel comfortable risking delivering with docs you have not spent 40 weeks getting to know!
Hopefully once it sinks in your sister will understand and maybe try to move the wedding. Unfotunately it may be a couple years til she starts TTC that it’ll REALLY sink in – you aren’t in control of when these things happen! 🙂
Post # 29
@mrsrangrang: Oh I certainly agree with you that changing the date can be done and if it was me I would at least look into it. If the OP’s sister offers it then that’s fantastic!
The point I was making is that seeing as the sister is already being unreasonable (saying to find a closer hospital, having a “she’s stealing my thunder” meltdown etc) I don’t think that she would take it well and would see it as “expecting” the date to be moved, even though the OP isn’t expecting it at all.
Does that make more sense?
If the sister had been excited for the OP then I would have said to definitely suggest the move but I don’t think that it would go down well in this case.
Post # 30
Now she’s giving me the silent treatment, so I’m not sure I’m really all that messed up about not being able to make it anyway. WOW. I absolutely cannot believe this.
Post # 31
Maybe your mom can talk some sense into her?