(Closed) Sorry, Dad – Please don't walk me down the aisle!

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
1619 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@DimeStoreDropout:  I had a similar experience with my dad.  Although he does not have the same problems as your dad, he does have MS and has very limited mobility.  Having my dad walk me down my very long, grassy aisle with his walker was pretty much not  a possibility as I knew it would be very difficult for him and that he would probably trip and hurt himself.  Rather than tell him that his disability was the reason I did not want him to walk me, I told him that I did not like what it represented and I wanted to walk alone as a grown adult woman which was also true.  I think he may have been hurt at first, and my moms (my mom and stepmom) were hurt that I didn’t ask them to walk me instead, but I stuck to my guns and emphasized over and over that it wasn’t that I didn’t want THEM to walk me, it’s that I didn’t want ANYONE to walk me.  It didn’t take them long to get over it. 

Post # 4
Member
543 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

maybe have a special usher, or groomsmen, or any male family member help your dad to stand and get seated, like the male will help your dad up, trail yall down the aisle, and then escort your dad to a seat to sit down. anyone making that big of a deal about how your dad sits  instead of your and your fh isnt a very respectful guest at all. i know how it is having a sick parent, my mom has one of those big ol oxygen tanks she will be rolling down the aisle, walking my so. while its embarrassing, i know it means the world to her. is there any other reason other than your dads health limitations you want to walk the aisle by yourself? if you have a strong reason, explain that to your parents and try to make them understand. otherwise, if i were you id do what you can to accomodate him, its every dads dream to walk his lil girl down the aisle.

Post # 5
Member
2606 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

First of all, I would recommend getting him a lift chair for at home.  It looks like a normal recliner, but it has motor in it that raises and lowers the chairvia a button on a remote.  You can raise it just a little bit, or raise it almost fully so you’re basically already standing and can just walk away from the chair.  He is going to seriously injure someone by having them pull him out chairs.

Has he tried using a cane?  If he could put some of his weight on the cane, it might help him control his descent into the chair at the wedding, and might help him stand as well.  Absolutely do not pull him up yourself.  One or both of you is going to end up getting hurt that way.  If need be, have your ushers hang back and assist him together before you walk down the aisle.

But I do think he should be able to walk you down the aisle.  He’s your dad, and it sounds like you have a good relationship with him.  It’s already been expressed to you that he will be hurt if you don’t allow him to.  And frankly, your reasons as to why you don’t want him to walk you down the aisle sound like they have more to do with you being embarrassed by him than worrying that he will embarrass himself.  There are ways around your concerns, (that the chair would break, etc.) but you don’t seem like you’re interested in finding solutions, (such as bringing in a chair that you know will hold him, or visiting the venue and having him sit in a chair to be sure the chairs there will hold him).

Post # 8
Member
1026 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Rather then have him “walk” you down the aisle, could you have him set up at the front by the groom to start with?  You could walk in by yourself, and take his hand when you get to the alter.  He could then pass your hand to the groom when the officiant asks “who gives this woman…”  If you set up a chair next to the groomsmen, they could help him up as you walk down the aisle, and help him sit when his part is over.  Its not quite the same as walking down the aisle, but it still gives him his moment.  

Post # 10
Member
1026 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

The other thing you could look at is a stool or a taller bistro chair.  We had a family friend who was overweight/had a lot of mobility issues.  When he would come over for dinner, he would sit on a stool.  Because it was taller, he could kind of back onto it, instead of flopping into a chair, and getting up he just had to lean forward a little instead of pulling up.  I don’t know if it would help in your Dad’s specific case, but it might be worth looking into.

Post # 11
Member
1373 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

Ehhh, I think that if you already have some objections to being walked down the aisle on feminist grounds AND you’re not close to your dad, I think you have a good argument against it, without bringing up his handicap and size.

Post # 12
Member
462 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I would think really hard about your decision. Do what’s right for you, but make sure you won’t regret. My father never wanted anything to do with me, and my mother passed away 2 years ago. When my mother died she was a frail 87 pounds. She had bells palsey that caused one eye to bulge, an entire side of her face to droop, when she tried to eat or drink it would leak out of her mouth, and the cancer was.so bad she had tumors protruding from her neck on both sides. they looked like large boils. On my birthday 2 years ago, just 18 days before she passed, my nephew wanted pictures. Do he asked if we could take some.  I didn’t really want to, but I did, because he wanted pictures ofhis grammy before she died. I am ever so grateful to him for that. And I treasure those pictures, they are the last I will ever have of my mother. But there’s more, I told my nephew that his grammy didn’t always look like that, she used to be very beautiful. And he looked at me and told nee she was still beautiful. And he was so right. Today I would kill to have my mother at my wedding, and if she could walk me down the aisle I would be honored.  But I’m not sure I would have made that decision 2 years ago. And had I been faced with the decision, I may have regret today. I do know if not for my nephew I would regret not having picturesof my mom on the last birthday she spent with me.

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