Post # 1
If anyone else have a FI/SO who lost a family member that was influential to their life, but you never had the chance to meet them?
My FI’s older brother passed from cancer a month after we met 4 years ago. The closest I got to meeting him was when he called my Fiance when we were on our first date. They were extremely close and the stories I’ve heard from my Fiance, my future Father-In-Law, and his wife (widow) makes me wish he was still here. Even though I know my Fiance better than anyone, I feel like I don’t know him as a “younger brother” if that makes any sense. At the wedding my Fiance isn’t having a best man since his real best man will not be with us, and we are having calla lilly (they were his brothers favorite flower) rememberence flowers for all family members who couldn’t be with us.
I don’t personally know anyone else who has a SO/FI that lost a parent or sibling. Any bee’s out there who lost a parent/sibling or Fiance lost a parent/sibling? and how are you remembering them in your ceremony?
Post # 3
I have not been through this but I just wanted to remark that the calla lilly is very sweet and not having a best man is a wonderful way to acknowledge your FI’s brother. I’m so sorry for your Fiance and his family. I know his presence will be felt on your wedding day.
Post # 4
My FI’s father died a few years ago. Although I knew my Fiance in high school, we weren’t dating then and I didn’t meet his parents.
Now I’m sad that I will never meet my FI’s father, but there is really nothing anyone can do about it. As for remembering him in the ceremony, I am not sure what, if anything, we are doing, as we’ve not really planned the ceremony yet. I will definitely follow my FI’s lead on what he is comfortable with.
Post # 5
This is something I’m trying to figure out in planning our ceremony. My Fiance has lost both of his parents. However, he doesn’t want anything mentioned during the ceremony becasue he knows that he won’t be able to handle it. Instead, I think we’ll have wreaths on the church’s front doors or two larger arrangements on the altar with a something in the program about them not being with us.
Post # 6
Bubbly D: I can understand why he wouldn’t want anything because sometimes you get unwanted sympathy. Having the wreaths/arrangements sounds like a nice subtle way to pay tribute.
Post # 7
My husband’s biological mother died when he was 7, and from what I heard about her, we would have gotten along wonderfully, and I hate that I never had the chance to meet her. We didn’t do anything to honor her at the wedding (my Father-In-Law is remarried), but in a different way we are paying tribute. If our first chlid is a girl (we don’t know yet, but soon), we’re using his mother’s name as her middle name. I really liked the idea when my husband mentioned it.
Post # 8
My Fiance lost his younger brother ten years ago, long before we met. I would like to honor him somehow during our wedding day, but since I never knew him, I feel like “how” is up to my Fiance.
It is kind of weird, since so many of my FI’s friends (and family, obviously) knew his brother, I hear a lot of stories about him. I wish I could have known him.
I think it’s beautiful what you’re doing to honor your FI’s brother. I’m really glad you posted this!
Post # 9
My father passed when I was 3, so I will have picture of him on a charm wrapped around my bouqet and the priest will say something for him and FI’s grandfather as well
Post # 10
I know it’s not a parent or sibling, but my DH’s grandfather passed away right around the time we met (but didn’t start dating until 3 years later). DH’s dad wasn’t around a whole lot during his teen years and his grandpa played a HUGE role as the father figure. Darling Husband always talks about him and what a great guy he is. I was at a mini family reunion type thing once with Darling Husband and all the aunts/uncles just sat around and talked about all the many wonderful memories they had of their father. I hear those stories about what a wonderful person he was and it makes me so sad that I never got to know him.
Post # 11
well my sister died some years ago. the plan right now is to acknowledge those who can’t be with us by name in the program (so her, my grandparents, his grandparents). we spoke with our officiant and she suggested to also saying something early in the ceremony – again more general – “thinking of those who are no longer with us” in part because i don’t think i/we could handle anything more specific. its hard because it is a happy occasion and you don’t want to focus on loss but you do want to acknowledge. i think we’re also going to do a table with old weddings pictures (so that will acknowledge the sets of grandparents). i really like the charm on the bouquet and the empty chair with the flower, but i feel like that is more for a parent. i have one piece of her jewelry and thought about wearing it but it wouldn’t match at all. maybe getting some kind of jewelry with her birthstone or something. but most likely this would be something only i would notice (and whoever else i told about it).
i also think using a part of the loved ones name in the name of your first child is also wonderful and we plan to do that, but obviously that will be way after the wedding day.
Post # 12
My FI’s older sister (there were 3 in total and he’s the baby and only boy) passed away 17 years ago of the same condition that he has (Cystic Fibrosis). This has been a very emotional time for him as he looks at our wedding as a life milestone that she never got to experience.
I’m including a line remembering those who are with us in spirit that include my grandfathers, his grandfathers & one grandma, his sister and brother in law who passed away in May (actual birthday is our wedding date too). I am thinking of doing a photo board containing pics of everyone, as well as doing a living memory board with all the weddings that have taken place in our immediate family going back to our grandparent’s wedding if possible.
A flower is a very nice idea. I know my FI’s sister who got married 2 years ago had a bright pink lily in her white bouquet to remember her and his oldest sister may have done the same.
Maybe you could incorporate your FI’s brother into a gift. My first thought was a pocket watch and enscribe something about the time they have shared and how just as he is always with him you will forever be too. Not sure if he could handle that though… I’m a sucker for sentiment.