- 4 years ago
Hi girls. So I am SURE I am not alone in this boat but since it is happening and I dont know how to handle this, I signed up for this forum.
Heres the background info and I hope that someone here can give me some advice. I am really not angry, I am just hurt and frustrated. Saying this sincerely, I just dont understand why someone would be so awful.
Fiance is amazing. Lets start there. He has two sisters (S1 and S2) and step sibilings (SS and SB). Although my bridal party is kind of huge becuase of all my closest friends and family in it, I wanted to include his sisters. I met both of them and we got along well. We had spent not much time together but enough for me to want to be close with them. One sister (S1) in particualr but thats besides the point. His step siblings I met ONCE before he proposed and consequently ONCE before I asked girls to be bridesmaids. The SS had a hissy fit and decalred she would not be attending if she wasnt asked to be part of Bridesmaid or Best Man. Here comes the issue: her bro, the SB, is supposed to be Bestman. Tum tum tum…drumroll. Making a long story short, I thought it would be wise to keep the peace, and that one time I met her she seemed perfectly amiable. So I asked her to join the Bridal Party.
Fast forward 3 weeks. Invites still havent gone out. Fiance and I get told – not asked- told that there will be two extra people coming to our wedding as dates. Now, ok, one would think etiquette would require 1) wait for invitiations to go out at least before you start inviting your friends, 2) ask if you can bring a friend, knowing we have a ton of people coming as is. But we moved past this as well…. another family member asked if S2 and BS were planning to bring a gift on behalf of these dates- the answer was a pissy text message and blame of why there is not enough room at the wedding for these dates.
Forward a week- there was an issue with the dress I chose in terms of the size range that it was available in. I asked SS to go and try to which I was told no time and inconvienient. Later that week she finally said she would go. For a week I had been looking at other dresses by other designers that looked similar, I was looking for fabrics, pieces of the dress from other same brand dresses that I could have a seamstress take apart and reassmble, I had emailed and spoke with like 5 seamstresses all in an effort to make sure no one felt excluded. Thank g-d all worked out with the sizes.
Same week….. SS says shes isnt coming to my shower. I am not the bride that thinks the whole world stops becuase it is my wedding. So I think, Ok, she lives pretty far, people have stuff to do, she cant afford it, w.e w.e. Understandble. Then she says she is coming. Then I find out she is bitching that why is she included on all the planning and that my friends are idiots and cant make a decision. She was taken out of the planning process. She ends up not coming and goes shopping that day…for something very substantial. Wont say what it is, but a $20 toll would not have killed her, lets just leave it at that. Being true to form, S2 drops out of the shower to. Claims she has work to do that she cannot do any other time so she wont be coming. Now here I try to give benefit of doubt again and think, hey maybe has alot of school work. Fine. W.e. …. The shower was during the day and we just veged out at home afterwards watching a movie, S2 gets pissed why she wasnt invited. This killed me. Your pissed why your not invited to the dinner and movie at home??!?!? Really? So your no longer super busy with work that couldnt wait. If your going to lie, lie properly. Every day since after the shower she has been texting Fiance to hang out and lets do this and lets do that. Ummm…. hmmmm.
Point is…. I realize now that SS thought that being part of the Bridal Party meant she gets to wear a dress I bought her and nothing else. And as relations go, I mean absolutely nothing to S2. I am very grateful for the relationship I have with S1 and I treasure her highly. Fiance is super hurt by this whole thing. I feel like a moron at this point for allowing myself to try to be nice. And bottom line, I think they should both be out becuase they clearly dont want to be in it- but then why alll the declarations and drama of trying to GET INTO BP??!?!?!?!?
I feel like if I ask them both if they want to be in it at all, they will get all offended and make it seem like I am kicking them out. But if I dont ask them, I will have to deal with this crap all up until and through my wedding. Thats not fair. Advice??