Post # 1
Member
491 posts
Helper bee
This is my first post, mostly needing to vent, but some advice or sympathy would be appreciated.
My fiance and I recently got engaged. My parents were very happy for us. However, his parents, not so much. When we went to their house to tell them the news in person, it was just awkward. His mom has always been the super tacky type, but this time, she probably went above and beyond. When he told her we were engaged, she immediately grabbed my hand, looked at my ring, then looked at my fiance and said, “HOW MUCH?!?!?” I was literally in shock and was just speechless. The worst part is… they NEVER said congrats.
They are not well off at all, we are not expecting them to contribute anything for our wedding. Fiance and I make decent money for our age. His parents always asks to borrow money, and then never bother to pay fiance back. Of course, fiance never asks for it back or even mentions it. Whatever, we can do without a couple thousand dollars.
Recently, fiance’s parents sold their big house to downsize since their 3 sons are all grown with one left as a junior in college. Of course, they sold their house without buying another one, so now they have no where to live. So long story short, they ended up staying with fiance’s mom’s sister who lives an hour outside of town. We took in fiance’s little brother who really needed a place to stay since he’s still in college (locally). I’m sure his parents expected us to offer for THEM to stay but there is just no way, we live in a small two bedroom condo, and can’t have three additional people living here. Needless to say, his parents has offered no appreciation and neither has his little brother. Maybe they said something to fiance on the phone but never to me… AND it’s is MY condo, my mortgage that I am paying for.
I try to be a generous person, but a little “thank you” would be nice. Okay i’m done venting. Thank you for reading.
Post # 3
Member
1341 posts
Bumble bee
@weddingbee098: Ugh. Yeah, that is pretty annoying. I feel for you!!! At least you and your Fiance seem to be onto them and can just rise above their unfortunate behaviors!
Post # 4
Member
1417 posts
Bumble bee
- Wedding: September 2014 - Turf Valley
How frustrating for you. My only advice is to STOP GIVING THEM MONEY. You can do without a couple thousand dollars? You must be making really good money. I can’t just give away a few thousand dollars and not bat an eye. I would stop this before it turns in to more than just a couple thousand.
Post # 5
Member
491 posts
Helper bee
@LMD: I have since learned my lesson, no more letting them “borrow” money that’s for sure. we are not rich by any means, but work very hard and make enough to live comfortably with savings. I am just frustrated which is why I said “whatever” to the money that I know we won’t be getting back.
Post # 6
Member
2185 posts
Buzzing bee
Yeah don’t let them borrow money anymore, they obviously have money from the house sale so they should buy a small house or condo ASAP and stop mooching.
As far as the college student brother living with you and not showing appreciation that needs to stop. He can get a part time job and start paying $ for food/rent. It’s YOUR condo and you were nice enough to let him stay there for a bit, he needs to contribute and you need to tell your Fiance that then have a talk with him.
Post # 7
Member
2034 posts
Buzzing bee
Yikes!
I feel bad for your Fiance first and foremost…I have parents who don’t always have it ‘together’ financially and if anything happened to my brother or myself, well, we’d be SOL!!! My parents have also asked to borrow money from me…so I can feel your FI’s pain.
This behavior will drive the other person in the relationship NUTS! Just ask my guy…he really can’t stand it is and its sooo embarrasing!! I’m just glad that he sees that it’s my parents and not me, as I’m sure your Fiance does too.
It’s very tacky for them to have asked about the ring. Do his parents have a good reason for being broke, like did they pay for their kids education? (mine didn’t haha..just curious).
Sorry you have to deal with this. And I really commend you for being generous and offering to take in FI’s little brother.
Hang in there!
Post # 8
Member
491 posts
Helper bee
@veryberry13: His parents just keeps making dumb financial decisions one after another. They overspend and don’t save. They NEVER listen to us even when they ask us for advice. They work factory low paying and no benefits jobs, which is why we feel bad for them so we let them borrow money in the first place. But after years of them not listening to our financial advise and continuously digging themselves into a hole, I really dont think we can help anymore.
@Bazinga: As for the little brother, we feel really sorry for him. It’s not his fault that his parents are financially irresponsible and he suddently has no house to live in because of his parents rash decisions. He is a good kid, so we offered for him to stay with us for FREE. I think i know he appreciate it, but he has never said thank you to me. Maybe, he’s just embarrased. I don’t know.
Post # 9
Member
314 posts
Helper bee
@weddingbee098: Can you talk to your Fiance about his brother? Then he can have a conversation with his brother about showing you appreciation. You definitely deserve that; you’re being super generous!
Post # 10
Member
491 posts
Helper bee
@MrsHoneyBear: Sigh~ FI’s not the confrontation type. He likes to just stay quiet as much as he can (which is why he never even asked his parents for the money he lended them back). My mom’s advice is to just deal with it and come to terms with it because I chose to marry into “that” family. Great advice mom! lol I guess I just needed some support and found the boards here to be especially supportive!! =)
Post # 11
Member
12242 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
Sorry you got stuck with duds for in-laws! But CONGRATS on your engagement/wonderful, glittery ring!
Post # 12
Member
3352 posts
Sugar bee
@weddingbee098: If he won’t stand up for himself (and you, and the brother), then you will face a lifetime of this.
No one likes confrontation, but sometimes it needs to be done. Your future is being held back by his family and their need for money and bail outs.
Good luck.
Post # 13
Member
491 posts
Helper bee
@andielovesj: Fiance will confront if he has to, but I think he just doesn’t want more drama. What is done is done. We no longer let them borrow money, and obviously did not let them stay with us even though they expected us to offer. We will have a talk with the brother if this becomes long term.
@BrandNewBride: Thank you!