(Closed) sorry you weren’t invited

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
1205 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

My wedding had 32 guests, I’m not sure if that counts as small and intimate the way you’re thinking. If someone really wanted to come, I’d have to see … are they just people who want to come to weddings in general, or do they mean a lot as to you and your fiance?

In my case, no, everyone was accepting of the fact that it was a small wedding, mostly family and about 10 friends.

Post # 4
6572 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2010

we’re having a small ceremony and a bigger dinner. when my aunt found out she’s not invited to the ceremony, she hung up on my mom. there were other bad reactions as well. we just explain our reasons and usually they understand. if not, oh well.

Post # 6
1205 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

Geez … there’s no reason for a nasty voicemail. I’m assuming he’s not invited because the friendship has fizzled? And your first contact with him was a voicemail regarding the wedding? I have two questions: 1) were you ever romantically involved and 2) was he drunk?

I’d suggest letting him know the wedding is small, but that you’d love to catch up the next time it works out.

You might be getting some flack if friends are finding out about your engagement thorugh the grapevine, through facebook, etc. Even friends I didn’t invite to the wedding I told personally, either through a phonecall or even email, so the “status change” wasn’t a surprise.

Post # 7
2695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

I’m with Mary-Alice.  Why would he call you after 8 months of not talking and be upset about the wedding the night before?  I would just let him know that you are sorry you hurt his feelings but you had a private event with you family.

Post # 8
202 posts
Helper bee

If they don’t understand why, they are not the right kind of friend and the relationship needs to be reevaulated or even ended.  This guy seems like he needs to get nixed – for good!

Post # 10
3162 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I’m dreading these type of scenarios. While my wedding won’t be small (150 max), I went to a very small college – the type of thing where everyone knows everyone and groups of friends overlap and there are lots of “acquaintances” and such. I simply can’t invite everyone I would want to due to budget and space constraints, but I’m sure there will be drama once the guestlist goes public and a lot of “I can’t believe X was invited and not me” blah blah blah. My friends (from my same college) just got married and there was MAD drama of this type and as a Bridesmaid or Best Man I had to field a lot of questions about why people weren’t invited and it was incredibly annoying. Frankly, I’ve done my best with the space I’ve got and if people don’t like it, they can shove their non-existent invitation up their you know what. Over it.

Post # 11
828 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

I haven’t made my guest list yet, but I’m terrified of the reaction I’m going to receive from my extended family. We’re getting married at City Hall, which allows couples to have only six guests!! Already that poses a problem since my FH’s parents are both divorced and remarried. 

Our reception venue only holds 50 people, so I know that there’ll be a sh!t fit from my grandmother about not inviting all my random great-aunts and uncles. Plus it’s going to be at a bar at 10 pm, so I know that’ll be another big effing problem. *sigh*

Post # 12
4480 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch

Weird. Fiance and I weren’t invited to a friend’s wedding a while back, which was really confusing because we had hung out with them every week for a really long time–spent New Year’s together twice, had been over to each other’s places often–and they invited everyone else in our group (AWKWARD when someone started talking about receiving the invitation and got shushed by the groom). They didn’t have a particularly small wedding either.

I gave them the benefit of the doubt and assumed they made the guestlist early in the process (before we met the bride, who was in school in the South at the time and we all became friends who hung out regularly) and for some reason decided to be inflexible about adding two people. 😉 I would NEVER have called the day before the wedding to bitch and moan about it; it’s their decision.

Of course, we’re not really friends with them anymore, either, directly as a result of being the only ones in that circle who weren’t invited. It was kind of weird, but not as weird as the fact that they never acknowledged how weird it was.  A simple “we would have liked to invite you, but space was too tight” or SOMETHING would have been enough! Pretending nothing happened was just too awkward.

Post # 13
1135 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

@ pinklady: I think behavior like that does not even warrant a return call. Friendships work both ways. If he thought he was invited, why didn’t he call earlier than the night before? And when was the last time he invited you over for a simple BBQ, or called to say happy birthday? No m’am, I think you’re better off just not returning that call. Especially if you hardly talked to him in the last year anyways. Not worth it.

Post # 14
3979 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

I’m terrified of the reaction we’re going to get from his family… like your family, both his parents have a ton of siblings. We can’t invite them, all their kids, their kids kids, etc. You HAVE to draw the line!  As for the ex-college friend, what a jerk! Who does that? I’m sorry he tried to rain on your parade. 🙂

In our case, only my FIs immediate family members (parents, siblings & their spouses and children) and about 2 sets of cousins & their spouses are invited. He’ll have more of his college friends & coworkers there than family.  We are having a small wedding (less than 75) but I imagine they still won’t understand & I’ll be known as his b*tchy wife who didn’t let any of his come to the wedding.

C’est la vie. People have to deal & stop procreating so much! I have 13 cousins, he has about 50. Sheesh… find a hobby! lol jk.

Post # 15
290 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

Not directly to us, but one person expressed her displeasure to a mutual friend. The irony is we aren’t even friends! She has told multiple people that she introduced my husband and I. Which is NOT TRUE. Trust me I remember the night I met my husband. 🙂

I would just take it as a compliment that he cares so much… and be grateful we weren’t friends anymore.

Post # 16
1765 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

My wedding is 135 so not small.. but if anyone did that to me, I don’t think I would consider them a friend nor wanting to be there for me. Just my opinion though.

I have been on the other side of this: I didn’t see a really good friend of mine for a couple of months. Cue to a month ago, she gets married and invites everyone in my group but me and my FH (and some couldn’t go–she knew this in enough time to B-List us at least)! Lesson learned: I don’t have to pay for her dinner on May 15, 2010, and we’re not as close as I thought we were.

But I would NOT call her and bitch her out. No way.

Edit: btw, this friend got engaged and married in two months, just an FYI. I hadn’t seen her in 3 and she doesn’t answer her phone or reply on facebook, so I didn’t make the cut!

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