(Closed) Sorry, you're not invited…

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Proactively telling people they are NOT invited is:
    Helpful : (3 votes)
    2 %
    Tacky : (62 votes)
    43 %
    I would never : (76 votes)
    53 %
    I have! : (3 votes)
    2 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    2457 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    Dude, no. This is so not okay! What a way to slap people in the face!

    Post # 4
    Member
    839 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    @phillybride61513:  What? People actually do this? How unbelievably rude. I don’t think it would EVER be appropriate to reach out to someone with the sole intention of telling them they are not invited to a wedding. If they ask you first, that’s one thing, but I can see no other purpose for telling someone they aren’t invited when you haven’t been provoked to do so other than to rub it in their face.

    Post # 5
    Member
    1202 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    @phillybride61513:  Wow, that is terribly tacky. I would never tell someone they weren’t invited to something unless they asked whether it is a party or a wedding. I think it is so rude to just tell someone oh by the way you aren’t invited but I am making it a point to tell you just to rub it in your face. I wouldn’t go to a wedding of a bride and groom who would do this to other people. THere is a different between having tact and then being downright tacky and rude! Wow…

    Post # 6
    Member
    1161 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    @phillybride61513:  I agree with the article too. I think it comes off really tacky to go out of your way to send people a non-invitation. I can’t think of anytime this would be okay. Even if you have to let people know if they ask, you can find a gracious way to say it instead of resorting to putting it in writing or mailing them a non-invitation! 

    Post # 7
    Member
    983 posts
    Busy bee

    It’s terrible, but in the same aspect, I’d love to send one to my sister. Muahahahaha…I’m kidding…..no…I’m not…wait, yes I am….

    Post # 8
    Member
    11752 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I only told people they werne’t invited or weren’t sure if they would be if they directly asked me if they were invited. Awkward and rude of them, so I have no problem being direct and telling the truth!

    Post # 9
    Member
    525 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    Umm… if they asked me directly if they were invited, and I knew they weren’t going to, yes I told them they weren’t invited. I don’t think it’s a big deal as long as you say it politely and not in a smirk rude way…

    Post # 10
    Member
    3226 posts
    Sugar bee

    I am having a 35 guest family only wedding because I didn’t want to have one in the first place but had to compromise. I have been a Bridesmaid or Best Man or Maid/Matron of Honor six times. Each and everyone of these ladies expected an invitation to my wedding. I sent them all an e-mail explaining the situation and why they were not invited. They all understood because I have never wanted to have a wedding but got trapped into having one. I am not even doing the planning. The only thing I am responsible for during this process is myself (although I got stuck with what FH was responsible for too because he doesn’t understand that you have to get everything booked WAY in advanced – he thought he could book an officiant the week before).

    I would have absolutely loved going to the courthouse and then annoucing that we got married on our lunch break but sometimes you can’t always get what you want. Since I am having a wedding, I would have loved to invite all these people but we are not having a wedding for me or my FH. We are having a wedding for FH’s family.

    Edit: I have also made it very clear to everyone (I am a bit overly dramatic) that I am being forced to have a wedding against my will. All my friends understand but they still want to throw me a bachelorette type party anyway.

    Post # 11
    Member
    152 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    Oh wow… you must really hate someone to tell them specifically that they’re not invited to your wedding.  I can understand if they asked you… but sending them a non-invite??????  Wow.

    Post # 12
    Member
    1724 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 1998

    Ah, to think of all the time I wasted not rubbing my wedding in the faces of my least liked friends and enemies…

    The blatant narcissism of this is astounding to me. Then again, it seems like the wedding thing keeps getting more and more narcissistic. Sending this out almost reeks of, to me at least, “I know you have been waiting with bated breath…but you’re rejected…”

    Post # 13
    Member
    120 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    I couldnt imagine sending people a non-invite whether it was to a wedding, birthday party or whatever. If they dont get an invite they would just assume they arent invited anyway no need to rub it in their faces. how tacky of some people to do this. My wedding is going to be tiny and i will have to explain at work that i cannot invite anybody (theres around 50 people most of whom i do not like) because it is a family only wedding but i wouldnt send them non-invites it would be so awkard =/

    Post # 14
    Member
    4495 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    That is so rude! Even when people flatout ask me if they’re invited I feel so bad and awkward saying no. I can’t imagine going out of my way to do it!

    Post # 15
    Member
    1399 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    EW! I hate when people ask if/assume that they are invited, and I hate having to say no… so how awkward to say so without even having them ask! :-

    Post # 16
    Member
    4803 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    @Mulan05:  Yeah, when they ask if they’re invited that’s rude of them, obviously you need to tell them that they’re not. But the article is about brides who reach out to people in advance (people who have NOT asked that question) to let them know that they’re not invited.

    I think it’s awful. It would be like making plans with some of your friends, and then calling the others and saying, “Hey just so you know, X and I are going out on Saturday, but we wanted to keep it a small simple thing, so you’re not invited. Hope you understand!” Um…what? Why would you even…I just don’t understand. Unless it’s a situation where you made comments to a person before, or they have to you, implying that they’re coming to the wedding and you had to make cuts. Then I can see making a phone call to catch up with them, and including somewhere in it that you had to make some cuts to the guest list and are really sorry you can’t invite them but you and Fiance would love to have them over sometime to catch up! But sending someone something in the mail telling them they’re not invited to an event?! Wow. I know we hate the word tacky, but let’s get real – this is.

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