(Closed) "Sorry You're Not Invited" Cards

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
436 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

@ohcaptainmycaptain:  If I were you, I wouldn’t send cards. I would just invite those who are on the invite list and maybe contact in person the others. From the viewpoint of the un-invited: It seems like it would be the least you could do if they’re not being invited and you’re still close to them. If you do decide to do the cards, it would be VERY rude to include your registeries on the card. Only people who are invited should see that information, and unless the un-invited ask for it, leave it off.
Good luck with this!

Post # 4
Member
62 posts
Worker bee

I think it’s a great idea, but as you said, you should be really careful with how you word it,, I am not good at it either so I don’t think I can help you much,,

but I think adding where you are registered is not a good idea,, I feel like it’s asking for gifts from people you are not inviting.. 

This is really treaky because I want to have an intimidate wedding too but I don’t know how it will play out!

 

Post # 5
Member
989 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Don’t do the cards.  There’s no polite way to announce to someone that you’re not inviting them to your wedding.  One, they’ll figure it out when they don’t receive an invitation.  There’s no need to go out of your way months in advance to tell them they’re not invited.  Two, if these are people you really care about, there are better ways of informing them about your intimate plans than an impersonal card.

Including registry information?  Ballsy, I guess.  But no…just no.

Post # 6
Member
3126 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2017

@Wed2Attn:  Agreed. If you feel the need to contact them do it personally and individually with a visit or a telephone call, and unless they ask DO NOT TELL THEM WHERE YOU ARE REGISTERED.

Post # 7
Member
243 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I think including your registration would be rude if you’re not inviting them. Some bees here have received wedding registration or even baby registration without being invited to any event and feel like they’re just getting a card because the couple want stuff. 

Totally not your intention, I know!! But it might give the wrong impression so I’d keep it safe. Relatives who still want to give a gift may send money, gift cards, or call up and ask where your registry is. 

Not sure how to phrase the marriage anouncement.

Post # 8
Member
11270 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

@ohcaptainmycaptain:  i can understand your dilema but i don’t think it’s necessary to send a “you’re not invited” card.  that wouldn’t sit well with me, personally.  it’s like rubbing in the fact that i’m not invited.  it’s a bit odd.

i think that you should casually mention to people that you are having a small intimate wedding and leave it at that.  they will get the point and you will be not be so “in your face” about it.

another option would be to send out wedding announcements after the wedding.

Post # 9
Member
3267 posts
Sugar bee

Send out an announcement after the wedding.  It is not polite to talk about an event that someone is not invited to. 

Under no circimstances should you send someone where you are registered.  The most polite way to handle it, is to tell a few key people, who people can ask. 

If I received a “Sorry You’re Not Invited” card AND it had registry info on it, I would definitely think you were after my presents.  There’s no way to not think that you want gifts, IMO.

Post # 10
Member
3569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I think it’s in bad taste to send out these cards. I think most people will understand they aren’t invited when they don’t get the invitation. The best thing to do is send a wedding announcement out after the wedding. You guys can include a picture and a note explain although you would have to love to invite everyone it was a very intimate wedding, and you guys wanted to share a small part of your day with them.

I also think you shouldn’t even mention a registry to people whom aren’t invited to your wedding, it reeks of gift grabbing. Some people may see that card as being a tool for you guys to collect gifts. People who want to give a gift will find out about the registry or send a card. I have sent wedding presents to weddings I wasn’t invited too, and I know a lot of other people do this to. But I would be rubbed the wrong way by getting a card saying I wasn’t invited and then being directed to the registry.

Post # 11
Member
2359 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I would hate to get a card saying I wasn’t invited.   Id rather hear through the grapevine that its  immediate family only.

Post # 12
Member
246 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Don’t do it! That is so offensive. The only way I could conceive this happening is 

1. They get the -nonvite and already knew about the wedding and are now offended they both aren’t invited AND didn’t get a personal response from your or reason why.

2. They get the non-vite and didn’t even know your date had been set/etc, and are now offended because the way they found out was being told they couldn’t come.

 

This is just a bad, bad idea. I can’t think of a single good way to use this idea, especially including the registry. People only give you gifts if they were supposed to get free food, meaning they had to have been invited! 

Post # 13
Bee
1433 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012 - Historic Lougheed House

Okay, you don’t do this BEFORE you get married.  You can’t just send people a card that says “were having a budget wedding – oh by the way theres a registry number on the bottom of the card if you’re NOT budgeting!”  BEFORE the wedding. 

The proper way to do this is to mail out wedding announcements AFTER the wedding, and to NOT include any wedding registry info.  

Sorry, this just really really is poor manners. 

Post # 14
Member
1659 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

No, absolutely not, none of it.

A formal non-invitation notice is so rude! You wouldn’t send this for any other type of event, and I think that this is soooo inappropriate for a wedding. If there are people that you’d like to know that you’re thinking of them, reach out to them directly with a phone call.

If you do go ahead with this, do not include yor registry. Including your registry information would be insulting. 

 

Post # 15
Member
11270 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

i don’t know how i missed the part about stating where they are registered. 

omg, no.  no.  no.

this would just add insult to injury. 

even the regular invitations should not mention anything about where you are registered.  besides, why would you expect a gift from someone who isn’t even invited?

Post # 16
Member
607 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

don’t do it. IF you can, after the fact, have a celebration cookout with all the family to say we had a small wedding , but we want to celebrate with you all this way”.

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