(Closed) Sorry, You’re Not Invited?!?!

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
1514 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

I would explain to the majority of the family that due to budget, this will be an intimate affair.  everyone knows weddings are pricey and hopefully they would understand. 

Post # 4
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

Yeah, you’ll just have to be firm, decided and trust that they will understand. It helps that you won’t be allowing ANYONE from outside the immediate family because once you let one in, that opens up the floodgates.

I just saw pictures on Facebook of a friends intimate immediate family only wedding and I totally wasn’t offended at all for not being invited. If I had seen any friends, I might feel differently.

Post # 5
2695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

My cousin is in the same boat as you.  Originally she just wanted just the two of them.  Then she decided to add parents and siblings and their kids.  Which was 50 people.  Then her 3 good girlfriends got wind of the wedding plans and said she wasn’t keeping them from coming like it or not.  So then that left me, her cousin and her bestfriend.  How could she not invite me when they were coming?  And I live down the street from her!  She got really stressed out about not inviting aunts and uncles because we are all so close.  I finally convinced her to do what she wanted to do.  And that yes our aunts/uncles want to be apart of the festivities so why not let them host a couples shower.  Which is what we are going to do for her.  That way they can help celebrate the big day but it not be a strain on her wallet.

Hope this gives you some good ideas of what you can do with the family.


Post # 6
330 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2008

I had a small intimate wedding with only immediate family and then mine and my hubby’s CLOSEST friends and everything turned out fine. There were a lot of other close friends I would have loved to invite, but everyone understood our budget constraints and our desire for a small wedding, so no one was offended at all. After the wedding I made a nice photo card on shutterfly as our wedding announcement and sent those to everyone we wanted to invite but weren’t able to (more distant relatives and friends). Never heard a complaint or negative comment from a single person. It’s tough with family, but explain that due to your budget your wedding will only be so big, and people will understand.

Post # 7
349 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

Don’t feel bad. You have no reason to. As long as you tell people that you’re only inviting immediate family only because of budget issues, no one can judge you for that.

I would simply send out an announcement after the wedding. Because so many family members will NOT be invited, it might make them think they’re getting an invite to a wedding if they’re receiving a notice. You can simply run an annoucement in the local paper and have everyone spread the news via word-of-mouth. After, send a lovely photo card or post card saying "We tied the knot on [date] and celebrated with our immediate family with an intimate backyard reception."

Post # 8
2819 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

I agree with sminerva21: don’t feel bad, because there’s no reason for you to. You are having a wedding within your means, and you simply cannot afford to invite these other people. I would send out marriage announcements, and if people ask, I would tell them that due to "budget constraints" you had a "simple, intimate ceremony" with "immediate family only" to "make everything legal". You could go about it a la Miss Mary Jane and stress that you were "making it all legal", but didn’t want to just waltz into the courthouse (this may work better if you’re having a religious officiant, because a marriage at City Hall would of course be secular).

Post # 9
7053 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

Congratulations!  And glad to meet another encore bride!

Check out our page too.  Many encore brides have great budgeting ideas!

Btw, there are a few great budget bride blogspots out there..check out the $2,000wedding! 

You could do a romantic backyard wedding and have a tent or just string up lights and lanterns.  Fiftyflowers and proflowers.com has awesome wedding flower prices as well as brides here who swear by Costco!

I know my local Publix stores makes temping cakes and I actually saw one of their wedding cakes (covered in fondant) a few weeks ago and it was absolutely gorgeous (and I know it tasted good).

 One last idea..why not have a super small wedding at say a beach and just have a dinner reception?  You could maybe even cut the list down further by doing that?  That way it’s a destination wedding (quiet wedding) and many don’t get offended if you make it look as if you "ran off" and did the deed!!!  That’s how I’d play it anyway.

I think it’s awesome to be within a budget.  A wedding is one day.  A MARRIAGE is the rest of your life!  Investing wisely is my take on things!



Post # 10
21 posts
  • Wedding: January 2003

One thing you would do is not share all of the details with people who are not invited, that would be asking for trouble if they might possibly show up.  I have been married more than once and even when I was planning a private destination wedding a friend of mine threatened to go to Jamaica and be there…..  so I never gave up the details, problem solved.

Post # 11
2641 posts
Sugar bee

I’m trying to view this the best way I can, as it would unfold in my family.  It’s kind of expected in my family, that everyone invites the whole famiy to the weddings.  However, if someone is remarrying, it tends to be more understood if they just do something low key.  Since this is a second marriage for both of you, are you sure your extended family will be so hard? 

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