(Closed) Sort of a cheat, FI kicked me out

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 32
Member
1252 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

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@lookingforadvice77  I would personally not be okay with staying with my husband’s friends without my husband. Not because they are not my friends (they are of course my friends too), but because to me it really does seem and feel odd being by myself at a bar/restaurant/ some other place knowing that my husband is tired or wants to leave. I wouldn’t want to stay in that situation.

Post # 33
Member
1252 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

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@Atalanta  No of course not! I am not going to go into details explaining what we do together/separately, all I am going to say is that would never ever stay out drinking if my husband decided to call it a night. That just seems odd to me. Call me old fashioned, but I really do think that if you are a couple and one of you is tired and wants to go home, you should go too!

Post # 34
Member
1344 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

If a guy had done this there would be a LOT more judgment than what is going on here! It irritates me so much when people on this site will instantly flame a guy if he makes a mistake, but when it’s a girl and people are honest in their responses all of a sudden they’re judgy. All that while fighting for gender equality- well, maybe practise what you preach. This is a pretty big screw up regardless of whether it was a girl or guy who did it.

Sorry OP, you screwed up and now all you can do is either find out what really happened somehow, or eat some humble pie, say you’re sorry, work on your relationship and hope that he’s willing to forgive you. Did he actually see what happened? I mean, springing apart and prtending to be asleep is pretty freaking fishy IMO. How do you know you didn’t cheat when you yourself say that you can’t remember what went on?

Post # 35
Member
175 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

It really doesn’t matter what we think.  Her Fiance thinks she crossed a line and it may be too much for him. No matter how unfair others may think he is acting ultimately only he has control as to if he will accept you back or not.  

 

 

 

Stop looking for justification here.  Sincerely apologize and try and show him that this and worse will never happen again. He may believe you.  Or he may not. Your behavior has given him pause. Better to think it through now before you are married than to wind up divorcing later on. 

 

 

 

If you want to save your relationship you need to own this and work on regaining trust.  Not worrying about who is right or wrong in being mad. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Post # 37
Member
6256 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2014

Is it possible that this was a test?

Post # 39
Member
4846 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Obviously alcohol clouds your judgement. That’s the what it does, physiologcially. You did not go out intent on this happening. It did happen however, and your fiance can’t NOT be hurt because of it. I think what’s being forgotten here is that this co worker has a history of being a skeeze. He’s probably very practiced at encouraging ladies to drink more and influencing the situation. I don’t think putting extreme blame on yourself for this is beneficial. Alcohol was obviously a factor. You’re not say “Oh well, totes not my fault I was drink LOL” and using it as an excuse. It’s part of the story, plain and simple. 

I think some relationship counselling will help you both get through this. I don’t think it’s a total deal breaker. I think you can build the trust again. If it were me, I would swear of drinking with intent in the future. 

It may be beneficial to have a frank discussion with the co worker about it. He may need to apologize to your fiance as well. 

Best of luck to you both, 

Post # 40
Member
1397 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@ally707  Oh man. I’m so sorry you’re going through this, especially so close to your wedding. However, this is a perfect example of why you shouldn’t invite potentially awkward situations… like being drunk outta your mind and alone with a man who isn’t your Fiance or relative. But what’s done is done. All you can do is learn from it and move on. I assume you’ve apologized/groveled your fair share… I’d keep that up, but also look at where the situation got out of hand (starting with Fiance went home drunk and you stayed out drunk with his drunk friends, as well as several other things), what you’ve learned from it, and what the alternatives will be for the future. Be honest and realistic. Try to move forward from there… 

Post # 41
Member
858 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2018

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@Just give him his space and let him work it out himself.  I would leave a simple voice mail (he’s probably not going to take your call) and just say.  “I know your upset and if you want to talk about it I’d like that but if you don’t I understand.  I want you to always be happy even if it’s not with me.  I wont be trying to get ahold of you so take as much time and space as you need.”

Post # 44
Member
680 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Hopefully you’ve learnt a little about putting yourself in certain situations – especially when alcohol is involved. Realistically you should be able to work this out, but you’ll need to prove to your fiance that you can be trusted, you’ve prob just planted a seed of doubt in his mind even if you didn’t do anything.

I feel bad for your Fiance having to work with this guy, could be kinda awkward.

Give him space, let him know you’re sorry and hopefully he will cool off

Post # 45
Member
230 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2014 - saint patricks parish

@ally707  honey that sounds like a set up to me. And second of all do you usually drink that much because you might have went over your limit and might not want to drink that much again. just saying.

Post # 46
Member
349 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2008

Obviously you should not have brought FI’s friend back to your house to continue drinking…alone…at night…trashed….on the couch…cuddling. I’ve been out with DH and his friends and once or twice I’ve wanted to stay out later than DH and nothing has ever/would ever happen since I would not put myself in a position that could misconstrued as anything but on the up and up. Especially not leaving the group to be alone with another man. With that said, I think it’s an overreaction on your FI’s part to go so far as to kick you out of the house over this and potentially end the relationship. You made a poor judgement call, but for him to throw everything away just like that when you didn’t actually do anything, not even kiss, is over the top. If he walked in on you having sex? Justified. Walked in on you sitting too close to a friend of his while you were drunk? Sounds like Fiance scares easily. I say give him some time to cool off and hopefully see reason. 

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