(Closed) sort of a timeline

posted 9 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
687 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012


I know the feeling… My boyfriend is 2 years younger than me and he puts a lot of pressure on himself to be the breadwinner.  He has a checklist of things he wanted to accomplish before marriage.  However, he got started later in life and just started college two years ago.  I am finished with college- for the most part, and started my career last year.  We’ve been together for about 4 and a half years.

I am ready.  He knows it and brought up getting engaged about two years ago, that’s how I know it’s coming and we’ve gone ring shopping- he’s very in tune to getting married and is planning a proposal. 

He told me recently that he received advice from a family member (around the time he asked about us getting engaged) and basically was told that, “If you’re not ready, she might be.  And if you feel that she is the one, you can marry her now and complete your list.  Especially since she loves you and knows you’re the right match for her.”  He told me that this really helped him come to the conclusion that even though he has a list of things he wants to accomplish he can do them while we’re married. 

I’m grateful he listened to this advice.  Just be sure that you two want the same things eventually.  He may surprise you!  But he may want to stick to his timeline.  If that doesn’t work for you, you may need to move on to find someone who’ll want the same things you do.  I’d check up with him again at the year mark 😀  good luck!

Post # 5
345 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I totally understand your pain!  My guy was exactly like that, with a very linear timeline.  I’m 33.  So when we finally started talking about getting engaged (which was 2 YEARS after we started dating – woah!) I was shocked and upset to discover what his timeline was. It was a five year plan…. I ended up having to tell his that that timeline would NOT work for me.  He took a few months to think things through and changed his timeline. I think it’s fine for you to bring this up with him – the sooner the better! Because if he tells you he is willing to rethink things, then great. If he tells you there is no way whatsoever he will consider changing his plans, then it’s time to move on.  

Everyone is scared of marrying the wrong person until they meet the right person.  So when he and you are both happy and ready, then it will feel right and his timeline will go out the window.  If it doesn’t then you both deserve to be with other people who meet your needs better.

you’re not being unfair to him at all. I REALLY regret not bringing up the engagement/marriage thing earlier in my relationship because by the time I did bring it up it caused so many problems because we weren’t open from the beginning about things and didn’t talk about our life plans.  good luck!!!

Post # 6
67 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

You know, women  accomplish so much – education, careers, families, etc. without these “linear timelines”.  I wish men would get it together.  It really isn’t fair that we have to concern ourselves with biological limitations.

Your concerns are totally valid!  I think his linear timeline is arbitrary, but your reproductive health is not.  If he knows he wants to marry you someday, he should have no problem adjusting his plans so that it is an optimal timeline for what you both want in life.

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