(Closed) sort of dreading the wedding…

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
2759 posts
Sugar bee

@runfaster: Can I ask what it is that you want which you can’t have? And what kind of wedding is being planned in its place – this might help me come up with some suggestions for you.

Also, I understand how you feel. It’s hard to realize that you can’t have what you’ve always dreamed of. But at the same time, it sounds like you might be putting pressure on yourself to be someone else or someone more than who you are for your wedding, and that just isn’t healthy. You always want to be the person you imagine in your head, but your Fiance, friends and family love you for who you are. I have issues separating the “me” in my head with the “me” in real life, but I know I have to in order to stay sane because that girl doesn’t actually exist. I just want her to because I think she’s gotta, if that makes any sense? Sorry if it doesn’t.

Post # 4
Member
196 posts
Blushing bee

It sounds like you should either elope or have an extremely small wedding.  I see nothing wrong with going to the Justice of the Peace, but you could also do a “parents only” or “parents and siblings only” wedding, where you could just have a nice dinner in a restaurant.  If everyone (including yourself) is putting pressure on you for the “big white wedding” and you just can’t swing it financially or emotionally with what you have in the time you have, then something smaller or just a Justice of the Peace visit is the way to go – or go on a destination wedding/honeymoon, just you and your fiance.  The only two people who have to be happy with your choice are you and your fiance.  

Post # 6
Member
772 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

You say you can’t afford to have the wedding you want, but can you afford to have the wedding Fiance and his family want?  It sucks to give up what you want, but if it is impossible that might be the second best thing.

You could do a Justice of the Peace ceremony, and then let his family throw a party/reception at a later date.   Then you get a scaled back ceremony that you don’t have to feel you are faking it with, and his family gets the family celebration they want. 

When did you find out you can’t have the wedding you want?  It could be you just need a few weeks to come to grips with that. Don’t throw the baby out with the bathwater too quickly.  Cut yourself some slack, and think about what it is you really want.  there might be other ways to realize the dream.  

Post # 8
Member
1798 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Just want to let you know, I’ve been there. I didn’t have the good sense to rethink things before I’d already put down deposits. If you spend hundreds or thousands of dollars on a wedding that’s not what you want, you will still look back and wish you had the wedding you wanted. In My Humble Opinion it’s better to do JOP now and the wedding you really want in a year or two when you have the time/money to pull it off.

Post # 9
Member
2891 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I will be watching for your post tomorrow and i really hope we can help you. I am so sorry this all makes you cry right now. 🙁  But it is perfectly healthy to mourn over the death of a dream. No bootstrap talk here just a listening ear and a hug 🙂

Post # 10
Member
688 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I know exactly where you are coming from. Can you do the Justice of the Peace of the peace next year and then have a nice big reception when you feel you can finanically afford it. Also you can always do a destination wedding and come back to have a nice bbq to celebrate with friends and family.

Hang in there because I know how hard and confusing planning a weddin is. I sometimes feel like I am bi-polar because one day I think I have it all figured it out and the next day I am sure where I stand.

 

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