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posted 7 months ago in Catholic
Post # 31
Member
32 posts
Newbee

tc3033 :  I meant “full catholic wedding” as in with the mass and communion included in the ceremony but I can see how that might be taken otherwise. I think what @LilliV is saying helps sum up why my friend and her fiancé were told no and why some of my friends made sure to convert before the wedding instead of afterwards. All of my friends who did covert are very happy that they did so.

Post # 32
Member
35 posts
Newbee

mirandaperanda :  I meant “full catholic wedding” as in with the mass and communion included in the ceremony but I can see how that might be taken otherwise.

 

Understood…I know what you meant, but there are a lot of people who believe that if there isn’t communion it isn’t a sacrament…which is false…so some can/do take offense when they’re told they didn’t have a wedding…

 

I think what @LilliV is saying helps sum up why my friend and her fiancé were told no and why some of my friends made sure to convert before the wedding instead of afterwards.

 

Yep, could be…but I still find it strange.  From my expereince, dispensations are near “rubber stamp” as most of the time they’re rather see the wedding validly done in the Catholic Church…

 

All of my friends who did covert are very happy that they did so.

 

I’m sure that they are…it’s a lot of work, but not my “cup o’ tea” yet though.

Post # 33
Member
7901 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

tc3033 :  maybe it’s because I live on Boston but I wouldn’t think most bishops would prefer that at all. We’ve got a lot of old-school priests up here. When it was time to baptise me the priest gave my mom a ton of crap because my father (her husband) was Episcopal and not Roman Catholic! He even kept saying that there was a nice Episocopal Church in town for my dad and my mom was insistent we went to mass as a family and reminded the priest that it was allowed since my dad didn’t take communion. 

I actually don’t have any friends that married non-Catholics in the Church locally, all of the ones I know who did it were out of state. My husband is Jewish so we didn’t even bother trying for any type of religious ceremony. 

Post # 34
Member
35 posts
Newbee

LilliV :  maybe it’s because I live on Boston but I wouldn’t think most bishops would prefer that at all.

 

Really, I’d thing they’d rather have the Catholic have a valid wedding in the Catholic church then them get married in-validly outside…, then they would no longer have access to the sacraments until a convalidation is done.  Like I said…could be just me, but from my understanding it isn’t normal practice (and is actally quite frowned upon) to turn down a wedding solely because one party isn’t Catholic.  I know some very conservative Catholics who were quite taken back to even hear about the practice.

When it was time to baptise me the priest gave my mom a ton of crap because my father (her husband) was Episcopal and not Roman Catholic! He even kept saying that there was a nice Episocopal Church in town for my dad

 

LOL, I think the same thing happened when getting ready to baptize our youngest at a new parish.  I guess the priest asked if I found a church to go to yet… ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Post # 35
Member
32 posts
Newbee

tc3033 :  I understand what you are saying, but I never said that not having communion or mass means that someone didn’t have a wedding. 

Also, you don’t have to convert if you don’t want to. My fiancé is technically catholic because he was baptized as a baby but I don’t want to be catholic so I won’t be. (We won’t be getting married in the church because neither of us want to.) Some people are perfectly happy being catholic and some don’t want to be and that’s perfectly okay! I wasn’t trying to say that because my friends are happy being catholic that you have to convert or anything like that, but if YOU want to then that’s perfectly fine as well! 

Like @LilliV and I have said, some churches will turn couples away, that’s just a fact. It’s probably dependent on the area you live in. Like @LilliV I also live in an area (South Texas) where Catholicism is practiced very traditional and “old-school” and that could be the difference. 

 

Post # 36
Member
35 posts
Newbee

mirandaperanda :   I understand what you are saying, but I never said that not having communion or mass means that someone didn’t have a wedding.

 

 I know what you meant…I just meant that some will take offense to that…as if it means their wedding somehow didn’t count (I know some that have been told that since they didn’t have Mass, it wasn’t a sacrament)

I wasn’t trying to say that because my friends are happy being catholic that you have to convert or anything like that,

 

It’s all good, I didn’t take it that way.

 

Like @LilliV and I have said, some churches will turn couples away, that’s just a fact. It’s probably dependent on the area you live in. Like @LilliV I also live in an area (South Texas) where Catholicism is practiced very traditional and “old-school” and that could be the difference. 

 

Which I still find strange as they’re not supposed to.  Just the fact of one party not being Catholic isn’t supposed to be a deal breaker for being married in the Catholic Church.  Like I said, I’ve talked with some pretty conservative Catholics and they’re surprised by the practive of turning down weddings only because one party isn’t Catholic, and are the ones that told me it’s not supposed to happen….guessing YMMV.

Post # 37
Member
32 posts
Newbee

tc3033 :  That’s so awful that people have been told that their marriage somehow doesn’t count because they didn’t have mass! I know couples who were both catholic and opted out of having mass to keep the ceremony shorter. It really sucks that someone felt they had the authority to invalidate someone else’s marriage like that. If the priest performed it then why wouldn’t it be a real marriage in the eyes of the church? 

I also find it strange that in some areas not both being Catholic isn’t a problem and in some areas it is, but I guess that’s just how it works since different people are in charge of the final say?  

Post # 38
Member
1211 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

tc3033 :  Yeah that’s completely crazy that someone would say a Catholic ceremony outside of mass wouldn’t be considered a sacrament! I know Catholics who’ve chosen not to have Communion for various reasons at their weddings- I know I considered not having it for our wedding since roughly 75% of our guests weren’t Catholic and I didn’t want them to feel awkward or excluded during it. (We ended up having it mostly because our ceremony was at 4 PM, which was late enough on a Saturday to count for the Sunday mass obligation for the Catholics we did have in attendance.)

Post # 40
Member
960 posts
Busy bee

bayoubee :  the CCC has a definition… or pretty long-winded explanation about the sacrament of marriage….

Post # 41
Member
35 posts
Newbee

KatzeB :  I have wink….was there something I missed?

Post # 42
Member
724 posts
Busy bee

This is just not true that to marry in the Catholic church both people must be baptised, confirmed and practicing Catholics. I am Catholic and my husband is Lutheran. We did a Catholic ceremony (not full mass) no problem. Our Priest didn’t bat an eye when we first met with him. Yes you have to agree to raise your children Catholic but that was never an issue for us as my husband is far less religous/spiritual than I am and so he always said it was a non-issue for him for our future children to be Catholic. Now, I am in a major city in the Midwest, USA so maybe certain churches are more strict than others. But I have plenty of Catholic friends marrying non-Catholics (other Christian denominations) within the church no problem. 

ETA: my church never pressured my husband to convert and it is not a “requirement”. Our Priest handed him papers with information regarding it at our initial meeting but that was it. 

Post # 43
Member
35 posts
Newbee

els2016 :  

Yes you have to agree to raise your children Catholic

 

I think some areas have even started pulling the reigns back on this too.  I’ve heard of couples now where the NC didn’t have to sign an agreement to raise the kids Catholic, they just need to be made known the Catholic spouse promises to “do their best” to raise the children in the faith.

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