(Closed) SO's Friend Not Acting Like A Friend….Hurt

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: What Should We Do?? Please Explain....
    SO should drop out of the wedding : (0 votes)
    We should cut all contact with these people (they aren't attached to our other friends really) : (7 votes)
    32 %
    SO (and/or I) should try to talk to his friend : (8 votes)
    36 %
    We should just keep trying to invite them to things : (3 votes)
    14 %
    Other : (4 votes)
    18 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    333 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    I’m sorry to hear this – sounds like a crummy situation right now.

    It also sounds like you’ve done so much in terms of trying to be polite. 

    Two questions so that maybe we can give better advice:

    How does SO feel about this? Or does he not notice as much, take it as personally?

    If SO is in the wedding, have there been any plans, updates from that friend to your SO? Or is he in the dark? If it’s only a few months away, I’d be curious.

    Post # 4
    Member
    544 posts
    Busy bee

    I think you’re being too sensitive about the whole situation, honestly. If someone were blowing me off and turning down my offers to hang out, I’d think “Meh, okay. Your loss.” and leave it at that. You shouldn’t let it get to you so much. You have plenty of other friendships to focus on.

    I think you should leave the wedding be. It’s your SO’s problem, not yours.

     

    Post # 5
    Member
    6222 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House

    If they don’t want to be friends with you, then don’t try to keep it up. He should just stay in the wedding, and then don’t continue to reach out after that. The friendship will fall by the wayside and you won’t have to worry about it anymore.

    Post # 6
    Member
    544 posts
    Busy bee

    @MeiFrancis:  Agreed. Just stop putting in an effort and move on. No need to get worked up or cause more problems.

    Post # 9
    Member
    391 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    My SO recently got hurt by who he wanted to be his best man. He got pretty emotional about it too :(. It hurt me to see him go through it, but he eventually realized what kind of ‘friend’ the guy really is. The friend eventually apologized and felt pretty bad about that whole situation. They are still friends, but I’m not sure about the ‘best man’ status!

    I think you should support your SO, let him be in the party if he still wants to and whatever happens to the relationship after that, just let it be. 🙂

    Post # 11
    Member
    443 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    I think perhaps this sounds like a case of your friend forgetting about the rest of the world now that he is in a serious relationship. Some people tend to make their Fiance the centre of their world and neglect their other relationships. I know I was very guilty of this with my very 1st boyfriend as well as when Fiance and I first started dating. It’s a case of the honeymoon phase where you only have eyes for each other… 

    Post # 12
    Member
    4272 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: April 2012

    How to put this nicely….

    Your SO is a big boy. You need to talk to him about how you feel about this guy, but leave it up to him to make any decisions.

    Post # 15
    Member
    6110 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: October 2013

    Well, your SO has a lot more patience than I do. I had a similar situation happen to me after I met my Fiance. I had a best friend for about 10 years and while I was single in college I would always go over her house and hang out on the weekends (we lived about 20 minutes apart because I was living near campus). Well I met my now Fiance and I started to hang out in the city where I was living because he did too. I constantly asked her and her boyfriend to come hang out (I lived in a house with a spare bedroom, mind you) and she always made excuses. It wasn’t like my Fiance and I could go over her house because all she had for us to sleep on was the floor…yeah, not happening. After months and months of trying to make plans and see her I eventually quit trying. Still don’t really talk to her much but I learned that some people care way more about themselves than they do about you. So I voted you cut ties, mainly because I don’t see the relationship getting better.

    Just to add: I tried talking to my friend about and voicing my concerns and it did nothing. She even tried to tell me that it was my fault. Oh well…

    Post # 16
    Member
    4272 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: April 2012

    @Anony33:  Okay well I am sorry you found it rude, but you have to understand that getting into the middle of this could cause problems. I guess I could have put it alittle better since my viewpoint on this is so different. I have probably gone years without speaking to a friend when she was going through certain things, but I still maintained that friendship when she needed me. Other people would have probably given up on her, but it was my decision to give her a chance, after all, she is my friend. It is entirely up to him and he needs to make that decision based not only on your input but his feelings as well. Like others have said, people get caught up in their relationships and forget their friends and take them for granted. It might be hurtful to you, but if your SO is willing to look past this and give him a chance then again that is his decision. Men tend to be a bit more forgiving and willing to put emotions aside. They usually do not hold grudges and when they do it is in rare circumstances. I have seen men get into full out physical fights and then act like it never happened the next week. Do, I understand it? No. But that is just how most men are. So, unless he said specifically that he is hurt by his friend’s action and wants nothing again to do with him, then I wouldn’t push it. If he chooses to let go, he will. I have known all of my husbands friends for over 6 years now, one of his “ex-friends” turned out to be fake and owes him about $5,000. I told my husband I thought that guy was an ass, but he was the one that decided it would be best to lose all contact with him. He knows his friends best and if he thought he would change his behavior then I would trust his judgement. Again, I apologize for the different, if blunt, perspective on this.

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