Post # 1
I have the Future Mother-In-Law from Hell. I am the woman who is stealing her only son. She has tried for the past 3 years to break us up. Going as far as to say to my face I was responsible for my miscarriage because I had an ultrasound. Yep she’s a keeper. My fiance and I have always had a rule of you are responsible for keeping your own parents in line if they do something stupid. Which would be great if she wasn’t the world’s most munipulative person and knew exactly how to get him to feel like he is an awful son for standinding up to her. Our latest and longest drama has been the guest list. I have been begging for 2 years to get her side of the families list. This is holding up our entire wedding. Everything is booked thru 2012 and part of 2013. I don’t want to start putting deposits down and then find out we have to small or to big of a venue. I’m honestly ready to throw my hands up in the air and say forget it. We can get married when she’s dead then she can’t screw it up. I don’t want to be the bitter daughter in law. I have included her in picking my dress, center pieces, looking at venues. But she just can’t seem to say a nice thing about me. Recently at my son (from a prior relationship who she insists he call her Grandma) birthday party someone made the comment oh I bet you can’t wait for more Grand kids. Her response was I hope they never have children. Seriously I can’t win. How do I move forward with this wedding with such negativity on her part? I want her involved. I Want to be a normal family not one that ends up on Jerry Springer.
Post # 3
I would go right ahead and plan the wedding the way the two of you want it and limit her role as much as possible. As for getting a guest list from her. I would suggest either:
A – Tell her she may have so many guests. Non-negotiable. End of story.
B – Tell her she has one week to give you a guest list or you’ll assume there isn’t anyone she wants invited.
Clearly she’s using this as a way to manipulate and delay. Take her power from her by taking charge and moving ahead.
Post # 4
@Divot: My Future Mother-In-Law is an alcoholic for the past 20 something odd years, she has no teeth, she does not eat solid food she weighs about 90 lbs and she manipulates all her children into giving her money. If they don’t she threatens to kill herself. If they do she is slowly killing herself. I am tired of pitying her. I feel you on the running out of politeness!
Post # 5
@Dsquared:Mine is a diagnosised with major depression, but picks and choses what meds to take while rinsing them down with a bottle of cheap wine. I suspect she is bi-polar. None of which is an excuse for her behavior. I don’t want him to have to chose between me and his mom. I would just like to see a backbone or hear you will not speak to my future wife like that. Something to show me that the next 20 yrs of my life won’t be like this. It just like there are red flares going off saying run for your life while you still can. But I really love this Man and she is the only part of our relationship that isn’t rock solid. I really think we are going to have to go to couples consueling to get an outside view.
Post # 6
@Cappugcino:If I had my way it would be on a beach all alone. He wants the grand event.
Post # 7
Divot, That is a terrible thing to be going through.
Just be honest and tell her how you feel, respectfully and unemotionally. Give her a reasonable timeline to hand over her list. Calmly and kindly explain that you would feel terrible if her friends and family couldnt be there over something so avoidable. But, DO NOT accept them after the date you set. This sets the precedent for the future. She needs to know you’re not to be fooled around with. Otherwise, she’ll walk all over you.
Lastly, your Fiance needs to stand up to her ASAP. He is marrying you and is starting a family with you. You turn into his #1 priority once you’re married, not her. Ask him if it were HIS daughter who was being treated this way by her Future Mother-In-Law, if he would be so passive about it!