Post # 1
Hi Bees, I have a dilemma and I dont know how I should feel about it. I would really appreciate some perspective. Sorry about the lengthy post!
My SO bought an engagement ring for his ex, but never ended up giving it to her as they broke up before he proposed. He has kept it since then as he was hoping the value would increase (it has argyle pink diamonds), and though I wasnt happy, I put up with it. Albeit reluctantly!
He finally agreed to sell the ring after some discussion last week. I explained to him that having the ring around makes me jealous and brings up bad memories, and he understood. We went to his parents’ home, where he keeps the ring, to collect it and the papers so we can put it up for sale online.
Long story short, his mother ended up asking to see the ring (he had never shown it to her), trying it on, and falling in love with it! She asked if she could keep the ring, and offered to pay my SO for it. Now dont get me wrong, SO’s mother is a lovely lady, and she has sacrificed a lot to bring up SO and his siblings. She saves on herself so she can spend on her loved ones. And its not hard to see how much she loves the ring. It fit her perfectly. But I hate the thought of her wearing his ex’s engagement ring. I think of the times I will see her wear that ring and my heart sinks at the thought. Its just a reminder of a bad time and I want it out of our lives so I never have to see it again. It may sound silly, but I am so upset at the thought I will never get rid of his ex’s shadow!
SO has been very understanding, and he offered to tell his mum she cant have it. I feel guilty that I am denying his mum something she really likes because of my feelings, and I also dont want her to have a bad impression of me. We arent close enough so I can talk to her about my feelings.
Should I take SO up on his offer to tell his mum she cant have the ring? Or am I being irrational and should just suck it up?
Post # 3
The engagement ring was never his Ex’s if he didn’t give it to her. Give the ring to his mom! I wouldn’t even have her pay!
Post # 4
I say let her keep it. Consider it a good-will effort towards your potential future mother-in-law. It’s just a ring, and if she really loves it it’s not worth the battle.
Post # 5
@theplife: The ex never touched this ring. I don’t see anything wrong with his mom having it. I hope you don’t take this the wrong way but I think you need to get over these feelings about the ex. She’s history!
Post # 6
@Birdi: +1. His ex was in his life before you came around. The ring never saw the light of day as far as his ex was concerned. I don’t see why you have such animousity towards it. Let his mom have it, it’s not your place to say what he does with something that was purchased before you came into the picture.
Post # 7
I echo the other bees… I can see why it would make you uncomfortable, but it never belonged to the EX, and she likely never even saw it. I’d say let the mom have it, she sounds like a lovely woman who deserves something pretty for herself for a change.
Post # 8
The ring’s history is in the past. By giving it to SO’s mom, the ring can be turned into something positive. I say let your SO’s mom keep the ring.
Post # 9
Let her keep the ring. The Ex never owned it – it was never her ring! If anything, it’s a ring he bought for his mom, he just didn’t know it at the time.
Honestly, if you make an ordeal about it, his mom will probably think it odd of you at the very least. I would definitely think it really strange for someone to not let me have something I really liked just because an ex girlfriend never wore the ring.
Post # 10
It was never the ex’s ring. He never proposed, she never wore it. Very different than if the engagement had been called off and she gave it back. If you can afford to, gift it to your fmil, from both of you. Maybe for Mother’s Day, wrap it up in a beautiful package. I bet she would thrilled. When you see her wearing it you’ll think about how happy she was and it’ll have a good memory associated with it.
Post # 11
i’m a pretty jealous person especially when it comes to ex’s…but you’re being a little silly! 😉 let his mom have the ring!
Post # 12
I say let his mom have the ring, and don’t ask her to pay! Turn something negative (a past relationship that you are jealous of) into something positive (a generous gesture to someone who will be in your life for a long time).
Post # 13
It sounds like this is more about you than it is about this ring. I would give the ring to SO’s mom and use this as an opportunity to work on your jealousy issues with his ex.
Post # 14
@theplife: If she keeps the ring, soon it will become your mother in law’s ring, and you wont even think about where it came from. 🙂
Post # 15
Let it stew for a little while and see if you can change how you think about the ring. I’m with you that it’s a little weird, but at this point… try to just see it as a ring. He bought it for his ex, but he never gave it to her. Giving it to his mom is a sweet gesture if she likes it. It’s family over exes. Try to see it as the relationship with his ex that never was is now a stronger bond with his family and with you. If that doesn’t work after a few days – ask him to sell it and buy her something silimar for mother’s day.