(Closed) SOS! SOS! MAYDAY! Bridal shower/ brunch help

posted 6 years ago in Parties
Post # 2
Member
323 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

I think it’s personal opinion if you want to ask the rest of the bridal party to help pay. I personally do not think there is anything wrong with asking them to help. Luckily when I was Maid/Matron of Honor for my sis, her BM’s offered and my mom helped me with costs as well. Start talking to them about it and hopefully they will offer. 

The bridal shower budget is whatever you are comfortable with and can afford, unfortunately the bride does not get to choose this part! Hopefully she is grateful for whatever you decide to do. But if she is saying things beyond your budget, I would let her know right away what you can afford and cant. Good Luck!

Post # 3
Member
7440 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Argh. My opinion is that if the bride wants an elaborate brunch she can plan it and do it herself and spare someone else a headache. Especially if she wants an elaborate Out of Town bachlorette. That is against society norms though.

Yes, you can ask the bridal party to help pitch in funding although the response depends on their budget. Best way to give a dress code is word of mouth. You can tell the friends and the mother can tell family

Post # 4
Member
1042 posts
Bumble bee

Bridal… Brunch and Bachelorette? I think asking you to foot the bill for two events is a bit much. IF you are going to do so, I don’t think Vegas is a feesable option. Definately do ask your BM’s for financial help and dicuss, do things you all can afford. The bride might get a say, but she doesn’t get to dictate what you can or can’t afford.

A lot of bees will give you crap for this and say guests can wear what they want, but if you want a theme you can word it on your invitation. If they want to come and not wear pastels, it’s up to them also. You can indicate the dresscode where you will specify if it’s formal, semi-formal, etc. Theme: Pastel colors. Or Pastel colors recommended. Personally though, I think you should ask the bride to reconsider though. If all your guests show up in light pastel pink, is the bride going to be okay that her white dress won’t contrast with the guests that much?

Post # 5
Member
2156 posts
Buzzing bee

View original reply
bobbydurst :  it’s very typical for ALL the bridesmaids to “host” the shower. get their contact info anf start talking to them about it. if all of you together can afford the brunch, great. if not, the bride gets what you can afford to throw her, plain and simple. you might also wish to get the contact info of the bride’s mother and her future mother in law, as its not uncommon for them to want to help out when it comes to the shower.

as for the bachlorette, common practice is for everyone to pay their own way, and together cover the bride’s costs (unless the costs are substantial – like plane tickets – then it is perfectly acceptable to ask the bride to pay for herself). so as far as vegas goes – the question is can YOU afford to pay for yourself to go to vegas (plus a bit extra to cover the bride). everyone who comes to the party should be splitting the bride’s costs – so you should find out how many people would be coming.

Post # 6
Member
4835 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

View original reply
bobbydurst :  Very exciting and you sound like an awesome friend.  But I think the bride is getting a little bit carried away.

1) You need to shut downt he idea that you are going to tell guests what color to wear.  What possible differnce could it make if they wear only pastels?  Why on earth could this possibly matter?  It will be a signifigant inconvenience to many and people will probably get pissy if you ask them to do this.  Tell her it’s not a good idea.

2) It’s typical for whoever is hosting to pay, and the shower is often hosted by multipul people.  For example, by all the women in the bridal parties, or by a group of aunties or whatever.  It’s great for the bride to give you an idea of what’s she’s thinking, but becuase she isn’t paying she should not be DICTATING what you do for her shower.  In fact, she should try to stay out of it unless you ask for her input. 

3) You need to figure out who you’ll ask to co-host with you (bridesmaids can be asked to co-host, but they may say no) then work as a group to figure out a budget and a game plan.  She wants a brunch – lovely!  That’s pretty easy to pull off.  You guys should decide if one of you wants to host at your home or if you want to go for a restraunt or a park or whatever. 

4) If you also have a destination bach to think about, make sure you don’t break the bank on this party then end up resneting the bride by the time the wedding comes around.  Many of the ways to make things special are all aobut the attitude and effort, not about expensive canapes or whatever.  If you think the bride has sky high expectations, it’s a good idea to get ahead of that in advance.  You might have to bring her down to earth by telling her “that sounds lovely, but based on the guest list it will cost about $3000 and I cannot afford that.”

Post # 7
Member
144 posts
Blushing bee

OP: You should definitely ask for help from family members or other bridesmaids. If you feel uncomfortable saying, “I need X dollars to throw this” instead ask for key people to provide stuff. Bridesmaid A brings all the paper products, Bridesmaid B brings the beverages, etc. Try to break it up evenly. Also, provide a clear vision in the beginning about what the theme. 

Post # 8
Member
3928 posts
Honey bee

To be  honest, I would step down RIGHT NOW. Best friend or not, she is asking for ridiculous things. I truly feel sorry for you because this is only the START of her crazy demands.

Wow. Just WOW. frown

Post # 9
Member
928 posts
Busy bee

For my friend’s bridal shower all the guests were asked to wear something sparkly.  It was fun and I didn’t think it was gauche.  And you definitely should work with the other bridesmaids to develop a budget for the shower.  You shouldn’t be expected to foot the entire bill.  I’ve always contributed to my friends’ showers and I haven’t even been a bridesmaid.  

Make sure you set expectations as to what you and the rest of the bridesmaids can afford and are willing to do.  You’re a bridesmaid – not a servant.

Post # 10
Member
415 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2016 - Hunting Hill Mansion

It’s not in poor taste to ask the other bridesmaids to help out. Even if they are unable to financially, they still might be able to contribute with planning time/coordinating things/licking invite envelopes for the party. 

Agreeing with 

View original reply
theatrejulia :  dress code is best spread by word of mouth, however, if you pick a solid “theme” that might help people follow suit. 
View original reply
cassiegirl :  ‘s friend’s sparkle theme sounds super cute. Not sure how that would work for pastels, so you’ll have to get creative!

I’m not sure what you mean by “elaborate” but, fortunately, breakfast foods are generally pretty budget-friendly. For my 21st birthday, my parents hosted a small-ish get together and it was only $14/person for bottomless mimosas (just for the drinks, not including the brunch food) at a cute mexican restaurant with a rooftop bar. I think there’s a lot of easy DIY you can do with brunch!

Post # 11
Member
928 posts
Busy bee

You can call the party something like “Pretty in Pastels” or something to that effect.  

Post # 12
Member
1705 posts
Bumble bee

I would just set expectations with the bride as early as possible, since she sounds like the type who might get a little carried away. Figure out a budget with the other bridesmaids, and what that will pay for, and be honest with the bride about your limitations.

Brunch would actually be fairly inexpensive to host in someone’s home, depending on how many guests there would be. I really hope for your sake the bride is reasonable, bee!

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