Post # 1
Member
2 posts
Wannabee
Hi to you all, i’m writing this post because i can’t talk about this with my soulmate/ friend and u will soon know why ! So i met this guy like a year ago when i went to my best friend’s engagement. This guy was her fiancé’s best buddy. We connected from day one and became good friends. i was supposed to stay there two weeks but i ended up staying there for 8 months ! He likes women, he is very flirty around girls when i’m not around but when i’m there he doesn’t do anything wrong. I sleep at his house, i met his parents and family ( even traveled with them) and he is very gentle and respectful towards me. He invites me to go on trips with him and i know ( heard ) that he doesn’t say that to anybody else.
The thing is i feel like he doesn’t want to date someone or he is afraid of going further. We act like a couple when we hang out and spend lot of time with each other when i’m there but once i’m out of town we don’t keep in touch, he never calls or ask if about how i’m doing.
He told his friend that he likes me a lot but why not take it to the next level ? i want to date him but he seems hesitant. I remember the day i left he was sad, i spent the day with his family and when i was gone my friend told me he said that i’m important to him but he can’t go faster. My train was at 12oc’ and he posted at that time Marvin Gaye ” lets get it on” that reminds me of us T T
I really don’t understand his behaviour ..first time it’s happening to me actually and it’s quite confusing ..
what you think ? is he worthy to try to understand him and look deeper or he isn’t just into it ? I think i’m in love though 🙁
Post # 2
Member
230 posts
Helper bee
Life is too short to play mind-reading games. Just ASK him what’s up. If he likes you – it won’t make him like you less. If he doens’t like you, then at least you know.
Post # 5
Member
1462 posts
Bumble bee
By what your wrote, it sounds like this guy does not consider you his girlfriend and he himself does not want to be your boyfriend. I’m not trying to be harsh, but the best thing you can do for yourself is finally wake-up and smell the coffee. Even though you stayed and spent all this time with him playing “house” and acting like a couple, you are in fact NOT in any kind of relationship. You are in an imaginary relationship. One where it feels like you’re in a relationship when you spend time with him, but the moment you go home *poof* the clock has struck and he completely disappears.
It does not matter if he introduced you to his family — this means absolutely nothing. Women tend to put a lot of meaning and importance to this, when for the guy, it meant nothing. You could have been just about anybody else and he still would’ve brought you to hang out. Please do not place so much value on this gesture, it will only hurt you in the end.
It does NOT matter if he has issues and fears around relationships. Because the end result is the same, He Does Not Want To Be In a Relationship with You. Period. A guy who is truly into you and wants to be in a relationship with you would make this absolutely known to you, and if anything, would be bursting at the seams to tell everyone he knows he met someone special and is in a relationship with you. If you were my BFF, I would tell you this:
You deserve so much better than a guy who flirts with women behind your back and likes to play house with you but still wants to be single. You deserve to be with a man who wants a real relationship with you, instead of stringing you along with pretty words and playing make-believe relationship.
I know you have feelings for him. But the best advice I can give you is not to take whatever you have with him very seriously, know that he will talk/flirt with other women behind your back, and continue to meet and date other guys because this one just wants to have his cake and eat it too.
Post # 6
Member
4224 posts
Honey bee
Agreed with the other poster- you just ned to talk to him. Tell him straight up that you want to be in an exclusive relationship with him. Ask him to be your boyfriend. Then decide how you will respond if he says no- it sounds to me like you won’t be OK with things continuing on as they have been.
Post # 7
Member
3378 posts
Sugar bee
It sounds to me like you’re giving him the benefits of a girlfriend while you’re there without requiring any commitment from him. Of course he doesn’t want to change things, he’s getting away with not having to give up anything or make any sacrifices to get what he wants.
You need to have a frank conversation with him – if you want a commitment, tell him that. And if he’s not ready to give you that, move on. Don’t continue visiting him, taking trips with him, being intimate with him in any way (physical or emotional) without a better-defined commitment. Honestly, this is pretty basic for being in an adult relationship – you have to be able to talk about what you want/need, and not be afraid to demand it.
Post # 8
Member
2 posts
Wannabee
Thank you all for answering, i just feel lost at times because thats a vicious circle. You develop feelings and believe what you hear but yes the truth can hurt u bad.
I needed objective views because my friends try to push it convincing me to go for it
I will act like a friend and thats all , no more headaches or heart storms !
Thank u Thank u , you are amazing people !!
Post # 9
Member
5984 posts
Bee Keeper
honestly, it sounds like he just isnt that into you. He likes you when its convenient but thats about as far as he is wiling to go. Guys like that arent worth even bothering to ask.
Post # 10
Member
1221 posts
Bumble bee
ameparisienne: You’re right to step back. If he’s not calling you, trying to keep in touch, he’s not into you. No doubt he enjoys your company when you’re there, but otherwise it’s out of sight, out of mind. I’m sure your friends mean well but don’t let them turn you into the girl who is doting on a guy who doesn’t care, hanging on hoping he will want something more. He doesn’t.
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