(Closed) Soul searching… How did you "find yourself"?

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 16
1953 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

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ruthierosa: “This next piece of advice kinda sucks and is much easier said than done. Perhaps there’s a person or two who are bad influences in your life – if so, you may have to cut them out. I don’t know you or anything about your life, so I obviously don’t know if this is the case. However, I’ve often found that people who are going through a slump are in kind of relationship that’s holding them down. It might be a friend or a boyfriend, but if you feel as though your relationship with said person is stagnant and isn’t benefiting you anymore, end it. It will hurt but the feeling of freedom and happiness will hit you out of nowhere, and trust me, it is sooooo worth it.”

It is scary how this whole paragraph alone jumped out at me like that. This is exactly how I felt up until about a month ago. I cut that friend out of my life, said goodbye to the person who has hurt me the most for the longest time (my father) and am moving on. I am so much happier than I have ever been. I’m spending more time with the people who make the effort with me, going out and exploring what the state of Victoria has to offer, making more memories than anyone could poke a stick at. I’ve visited my grandparents, and listened to their stories. They talked about my mum a lot, which helped because I felt like I’d lost her.

I still don’t know what I want to do with my life career-wise, but you can ask anyone in my life – DH, my sister, anyone from work – and they will tell you I am so much happier than I was one short month ago.

Post # 17
292 posts
Helper bee

Travel on your own. Even if its for a little while. I did 6 weeks without SO. 

It definitly brings out the strength and weaknesses. You realise things that you thought were important to you suddently arent. And you spent your days meeting new people in back packers with amazing crazy stories as to their reasoning for travel. More importantly you find interests or things you enjoyed that previously you would have never thought twice about. 

Post # 18
9519 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

It is almost 4 am, I have had a couple cocktails so this will be pretty honest. I grew up not feeling worthy of friends, I was stubborn, and did not know how to define myself. Moving away helped but I still felt lonely. Not to go into details but I lost my family my sophmore year of college. My junior year I backpacked through Europe and found a huge love of travel, hearing the stories of others, and found some of my strengths. 5 weeks after I came back to the US I was in a bad motorcycle accident that made me unable to walk my senior year. I didnt have family to support me. I learned to walk again. By myself. Without support and still double majored with a high GPA. I found honesty to my self. To forget people that are unsupportive. To help those in need. To appreciate the random stranger that helps when it doesnt benefit them. To appreciate what you have. Has it been easy since? Hardly. But you learn and grow. Life’s worst challanges are hard, so very hard but they make you stronger. As soon as the surgeon released me to full mobility I was able to land a job that took me on an around the world tour. I wasnt the happy ending of course but it was the happy ending to a long road of establshing the foundation of me. 

We all have our own journeys. I wish you the best hills and valleys. It shouldnt be so hard to break you but enough to build you up

Post # 19
3723 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

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jccountrylove:  I have felt like you are feeling many times in my life. Finding yourself and your continued, authentic happiness is an ongoing process for most people.

For me, being introspective helps to flesh out my feelings, wants and needs. To do this, I need to have a calmer, quieter environment. I used to be addicted to always being busy but there is great freedom in making sure your schedule has free time for self-care.

Post # 20
1128 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

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jccountrylove:  I will be 30 in just 2 months and I still don’t know what I want to do.  I been where you are now and yes it does get frustrating.  But like one of the PP mentioned… I think it starts hitting you when you are in your early 30s.  Just recently I have been having a better idea of what I want to do with my life.  I have a college degree but I do not work in my field.  I didn’t know I wanted to be in that specific field until I did an intership.  By that time I was already a semester away from graduating.  So I graduated and have a college degree.  But now that I am a little older I have a better idea of what I want to do.  I want to start up my own business and work for myself rather than working for someone else.  My DH and I hope to get started within the next couple of years.  You are still pretty young.  If you are not happy where you are now maybe consider looking for another job.  Maybe another job that will give you better hours so that you can have more time to learn about yourself.   Good luck!

Post # 21
283 posts
Helper bee

Great post and so timely for me as I feel like I am going through a quarter life crisis at the moment and dont have things figured out.  I’ll be 30 in a month or so and feel like I should be more settled.  I have a masters and work in my field and make good money but I’m so unhappy career wise.  I’ve had two back to back horrible work situations that have left me questioning all together what I want to do with my life and what will make me happy. i just wanted to say I understand how you feel and you are not alone.  You fot some great advise from the bees.  I think what resonates the most for me in terms of advice is being kinder to yourself.  I beat myself up all the time with what I should know and where I should be by now and that is not at all helpful.

Unfortunately, I have to tough out my work situation for at least a year. hopefully in that time I can figure out what will bring me true happiness.  Right now I work 70 hour work weeks which is not healthy and makes me super anxious and depressed.  I think I want to work on administration in a university next, I just have to figure out how to get there from where I am now.


best of luck!



Post # 22
193 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

I’m your age and I found myself quite young I feel.

I grew up always trying to fit in/be popular and realised I was something I was not!

I moved to a new country when I was 17 and realised then who I was. It was hard but not being bound by my history or social circle was immensely freeing.

Moving countries is drastic but maybe some travel would suffice??


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