(Closed) so…um…probably tmi

posted 8 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 3
172 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

First, congratulations!

Second, I think the most important thing about intimacy is honest communication.  He either needs to find a way to be comfortable talking about it, or he should look at some resources.  There are some “adult” books that you could buy (not porn, but more of a how to please him/her guide), or he could probably search on the internet.  If you are uncomfortable going to a store, you could check amazon.com.

Might it work for you to communicate to him how different things feel as it happens so that it’s not really a “conversation?”  This could either be reacting to something he does or guiding him to do what feels good for you.

Third, feel free to pm me if you want to talk more privately.

There is no right or wrong way to do it.  There is only what feels good.  Everyone goes through some trial and error to figure it out.

Bravo for asking the tough questions.  Good luck!

Post # 4
144 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

my fh is 6’4″ and i’m 5’3″, we have found a few that work better than others.. maybe tmi, but try missionary with your legs on his shoulders, or just plain ol’ with you on top. stamina takes lots of practice(and everyone slips out when they switch positions) your problems are normal so you just have to learn together

Post # 5
31 posts
  • Wedding: July 2010

Use lots of pillows for support. Try missionary with pillows under your back.

But the real issue here is communication. Both of you need to learn how to talk about this in a way that approaches comfort.  

I don’t know if you are Christian — sounds like you grew up in that environment — but check out the suggestions in this thread. It sounds like this one is particularly good. Read it together, and talk about it afterward.

Post # 6
1830 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2014


That is all.



Just kidding, 😉 But really, doggy style is a really good starter position, IMO, and one where your heights and weights don’t matter much at all. And it’s great. Okay, sorry, if Too Much Information…

Post # 7
1523 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I think you need to be able to communicate more openly about sex with your Fiance. My Fiance and I struggled with sex when we first started. We were not vigins, but it was tough finding positions that work for us. My suggestion is buy a book of positions or a couples guide to sex book. Fiance and I have a couple of these and enjoy looking through them together sometimes. It may help you think of new positions or get your Fiance to be more open about sex.

I would try Fiance sitting up (in a chair with no arms or with back against head board with pillows) and you on top. You can control the movements, or Fiance can help by holding your legs or butt.

Post # 8
18637 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I agree with the others that communication is key.  I know it is tough at first and embarrassing but you need to figure out how to communicate your likes and dislikes together.  There have been some good positions suggested here.  And it is nearly impossible for him to stay in when you switch positions, blame porn for another lie about how sex really is.

Post # 9
52 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

This is a book that explains everything (maybe too many things) in exhaustive detail. It’s like an encyclopedia of sex, but it’s a little bit too irreverent for some. It also includes less conventional things, which you could always skip over or read for a laugh… I know I found a few items pretty amusing…

Post # 10
73 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

i’d suggest books by tracy cox – enough explanation with a good dose of humor.

Post # 11
549 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Talk, talk talk talk talk… this is a very important aspect of your relationship, and will take some time getting used to.. read books, talk to people, get ideas, and be willing to try different positions.  look into books such as a Karma Sutra (stereotypical I know, but they have lots of great information and recommendations!) and most of all, have fun, try not to stress about it, and relax!!! If you need to laugh, just laugh!!

Post # 12
807 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Just go to a good books store and look around till you find something that suits you both…

I am not sure if you think that you size is the problem… because i am only 4 ft 8 in 98lbs and my fiance is 6ft 7in tall and 270lbs.. and we have no problems in any sexual position other than odviously i cant stand up and have sex with him lol

I think the problem is more about you and your finace not being in sync with one another… you really shoudnt have a problem with any position but if you feel that it is painful i woudl suggest you being on top because you will have more control of how deep hard fast etc

Post # 13
36 posts
  • Wedding: July 2010

When we got engaged, my fiance’s cousin sent over a recommended reading list.  We just ordered and received some of those books this week and just the little bit we have read and discussed have been so helpful on many levels (we are both waiting).

The following books are written from Christian perspectives, but are also technically specific. I would get all three:

Holy Sex

The Act of Marriage

Sheet Music: Uncovering the Secrets of Sexual Intimacy in Marriage


Hope this helps!


Post # 14
6 posts
  • Wedding: May 2011

I say relax :). Yes it can be a very frustrating situation but try to keep it as fun as possible no matter what the outcome. If it’s not working out when you are actually doing it, try not to make a big deal out of it and move on to other things like kissing each other and caressing. Guys can be very sensitive about their performance and while it is very important that both of you enjoy it, it kind of ends things early if he looses his “mojo”. Also when your body is tense it is going to make things a lot more difficult and less enjoyable for you. That includes your limbs and back especially if you are trying things you are not comfortable with.

One of the best pieces of advice I’ve ever received: Never talk about sex while in bed!

From a girl with experience, switching up positions like it’s going out of style can be very overrated. Yes sometimes it’s amazing but for the most part him and I just stick to our favorites, which by porn standards are very very boring.

Everyone’s advice here is right on. I think the books listed are all a great idea. If you don’t want to spend a lot of money, you should check out the library. If you are too embarrassed to check them out, check to see if there is computerized check out so you don’t have to get any weird stares from the old librarian. Then leave a bunch of different books around where he can readily take a peek at them too!

Remember sex is supposed to be fun! If I were you I would take the initiative and get over the embarrassment, I am pretty sure he will follow suit pretty quickly.


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