Post # 16
“I need to give notice on 6/28 and as I’ve said before, I need a commitment from you in order to do that. If you want to marry me, please propose with it without a ring before then. A proposal does not need a ring. I just want to know that you want to marry me.”
Use the above conversation or realize that he’s already essentially given you the confirmation by showing that he’s in the process of buying a ring. Personally, I would go for the latter option because his actions do not sound like he is stringing you along and yes, you do sound like a brat.
Post # 17
Personally, I think that when 2 people agree to get married that matters far more than the formal proposal or the ring. I had no problem feeling like my FH had committed to me after we made that agreement even though he hadn’t given me my ring yet. So the apt lease situation does not register to me. And as far as wanting to be engaged before your friend’s wedding…sounds like the ring is just a status symbol you were hoping to show off.
Post # 18
- Wedding: June 2018 - Pantagis Renaissance
If he’s already in the process of moving things along, why are you so bummed about it not happening by 6/28? Does he usually back out of things he says he’s going to do? If not, hang in there and give him a chance to do what he said he’s going to do. Don’t count him out just yet. Forget the deadline, that’s what’s driving you nuts.
Post # 19
Um, today is June 19–he still has 9 more days. You sound out of control. Back ff or you might spook him.
Post # 20
futuremrsdaniellebell : Actually I had hoped to ask my best friend who I see once a year to be my Maid of Honor in person. To be clear, I did not ask for an elaborate ring or a big ring – no say or direction was given except for claw prongs. Seeing as my hometown is NYC and my circle of friends does very well, my ring will likely be modest in comparison to theirs. Certainly not a status symbol to show off. And I’m more than happy about that, the “keeping up w the Jones” attitude is a reason I left NY. I’ll accept comments that I might be acting Spoiled b/c I’d allowed myself to get my hopes up but I think your comment is unfounded. I have no intentions of flaunting a ring in anyones face, its not my personality at all. I’m actually pretty uncomfortable receiving gifts so showing them off is not likely. I gave SO little direction (and pic of a setting from James Allen under $900), so No I’m not waiting for a 4 carat Leon Mege to brag on. Whatever he decides on will be fine, I will love it but no one will see my walking around w my hand out gushing about a ring.
Post # 21
the jeweler designing my ring’s wife passed away and my ring was delayed. we already talked about marriage and knew we wanted to get married. but Darling Husband still wanted to do the big proposal.
he asked me if i wanted to wait for the ring and if he could propose without the ring. i said propose without it.
you know it is coming. if you really want a committment so you don’t have to sign another lease, talk to him about it.
Post # 22
bluegreyeyes : Sweetie- you don’t know that he didn’t ask for your dad’s blessing. Of course he wouldn’t do it within earshot of you, it would be a quiet private moment between the two of them.
Your girlfriend going off on a girls’ trip to Europe when her Darling Husband missed his deadline may have been an entirely different situation, perhaps she was starting to feel strung along and questioning his sincerity. I don’t think your boyfriend’s sincerity is in question since you say he always keeps his word & he’s in the process of having the ring made, doing a pretty major overhaul of his home in preparation for you moving in.
But I do get that you have a lease coming up and an agreed on timeline, so I do think that if your boyfriend is planning to propose, but after the deadline, he should be upfront about this. I also understand you hoping to be engaged when you visit your hometown in 3 weeks, I think a lot of Bees would feel the same way. Usually I’m not a fan of last minute extensions of timelines- but I think your boyfriend’s actions and track record of keeping his word are enough for you to go ahead with giving your notice on your apartment and venting on the waiting boards instead of to your boyfriend- because he may very well be meeting the agreed upon timeline or it may be a week or two past the agreed upon date- but it sounds like he has every intention on proposing in the very near future.
Post # 23
bluegreyeyes : It doesn’t matter that you’re not asking for an “elaborate” or a “big ring”. If you’re looking for anything customized (and it sounds like you want very specific prongs), that takes time. Many settings need to be made around the actual stone. When my husband ordered my setting, it took 8 weeks to come in, and he didn’t make any changes to the one he saw in the display case. He had done his research and didn’t realize it could take that long. Give your guy some slack. If he hadn’t done anything at all to get your ring rolling, then I’d be concerned.
I think you’re putting pressure on yourself about this date. I understand you have to decide but you really have until August 28 to move out, and it sounds like you’ll have your ring by then. You also really have to realize that life rarely goes perfectly. In a perfect world you’d have your ring to show off when you’re back home, not because you want to brag, but because you want tangible proof of your comittment. But even if you don’t have your precious, you still can enjoy your trip. Long story short, it’s coming. Just be patient and don’t drive yourself and your boyfriend crazy with extra pressure.
Post # 24
bluegreyeyes : I actually didn’t mean flaunt the ring in terms of carat size/ cost or anything like that. I more meant flaunt being engaged/ the status of your relationship since from what you’ve said engagment & having a ring are one in the same.
You put way more emphasis on the physical ring than the fact that your SO wants to marry you.
Post # 25
You guys are doing this as if it was some sort of business transaction and not what could have been a beautiful romantic moment. To each his own, but at this point, why even bother with the proposal? This man has told you his intent to marry you. His is cleaning out his house and buying a ring. (A ring which is no more of a binding contract than his word, which he appears to already have given.) You have chosen the ring and the date by which he must “propose,” but the ring and the date appear to not be compatible with each other. So it sounds like you can’t have both. Your boyfriend did not want to become engaged before he was ready to marry you, and that factor was more important than the ring or the date. So just chill and have a little faith. If you trust the guy, move forward with your relationship. It sounds like you have found “the one.” No sense in letting him get away. Just do not be shocked or disappointed if the actual proposal feels less like the movies and more like filing taxes after all this. When you try to micromanage something so much, sometimes you lose track of what was supposed to be the main point.
Post # 26
I think you’re all right, I just kinda needed to hear it. I can rationally hear myself and know I’m being unreasonable – I want certain prongs by a certain deadline, he’s going over the top to make sure he finds the right designer and makes an educated purchase. I should be happy & grateful & excited. But I’m impatient & anxious & critical. I’m pretty self aware so I know it. It just helps to have others confirm it so that I don’t let myself get pissy with him. Which I haven’t, I think hearing this feedback although some was kinda harsh, will help me keep my sanity and accept the wait instead of resent the wait. Yes, the lease is a “cold date” but when we talked timelines back in November, that was sorta the milestone we threw out there and that we’ve referred to ever since. I have no expectations about a fairytale proposal, none at all. He wants to make it a romantic surprise (which in 2017 when we talked timeline & I helped w ring, how big of a surprise can it actually be?) and I should just chill out. Sometimes it’s easier said than done.
Post # 27
bluegreyeyes : I feel like these comments are a little too harsh. Yes, your June 28th date is arbitary, but if you made that clear to him that you wanted a commitment before moving in, I do think it’s important to recognize that. I’d have a chat with him about that, but I do think it sounds like he’s moving forward. I totally get the position that it puts you in if he doesn’t propose before the deadline – it’s such a sticky situation! Worst comes to worst is that he doesn’t propose by the end of the summer and you end up in a different apartment – that wouldn’t be ideal, obviously but you have that option if it comes to that. To me it sounds like he does plan on proposing, but getting a ring is taking longer than expected. (Although that doesn’t seem too surprising to me.)
I disagree with people calling you a brat – being in a waiting situation myself for almost two years (with no end in sight, honestly), I think it’s important that women stand up for their wants. It’s a balance with the other person in the relationship, but it’s not unreasonable to state what you want out of your relationship.