- 8 years ago
- Wedding: August 2011
My finace and I dated for 3 years before getting engaged. I was so shoked when he proprosed at midnight of our anniversary. Little did I know that he had told many of our friends, and family. At midnight, I called my mom, my sister, and my best friend. FYI, my sister is 24, nearly 2 years older than I am. We told other friends and family the next day. I wanted to enjoy being engaged before we started the stressful planning everyone always spoke of. We enjoyed engagement dinners, and discussed potential wedding dates. My sister refused to attend a dinner for us! Either way, My Fiance and I decided on a wedding date 1 1/2 years away. This was perfect for us. After a short time had passed we started to discuss our wedding party. In my head, my sister was automatically maid of honor. Over our childhood, we had an on and off relationship but had a relatively close relationship at the time and I could not picture anyone else standing next to me supporting me that day! I asked my sister if she would be my maid of honor, and she said “seriously, i didn’t expect that, why do you want me to be your maid of honor”. I didn’t know what to say. I told her I would appreciate her support.
We soon scheduled appointments to try on dresses. The other brides maids were their, future mom in law, my mom, future sisters in law, and my sister. Everyone tried on dresses that fit their role in the wedding, except my sister who stated “i’ll burn the dress as soon as the wedding is over; I hate dresses; I’m not wearing this, it is ugly, I’m not spending money on this”. After this experience and embarrassment, I cried! I was so hurt!! I talked it over with my fiance and it was decided I needed to let her know how hurt i was by her actions. This conversation did not help anything!! My sister exploded telling me she has been jealous of me my whole life, she is scared to death for me to get married, marriage is a big commitment, do i really want to marry him, am i really happy. She started to attack me for things that had happened in our childhood. From you stole my barbie, you bake a better cake, and decorate your home better than me, you went to college, … the list goes one. I left my sister’s in tears, once again. I had tried to resolve this and failed!
After another long discussion with my fiance about how my sister was making me feel, we decided to tell her she in fact was not the maid of honor. She was making me feel terrible for being engaged, being so happy, and excited about getting married. Once I told her I would like to remove her from maid of honor, she lost it. She never wanted to be the Maid/Matron of Honor, she started to repeat her mean comments from before. I told her at that point she was not in the wedding party. I have other friends and family that are supporting me that I would rather have there on our special day. My sister cried, apologized. I left.
For the next few days, she apologized to me, and my fiance. Explaining how sorry she was. I invited her to go do wedding planning, just her and myself. She was going to meet me at the invitations store. She never showed up. I was hurt. I continued to do planning with others. I had found my wedding dress and she told me she felt left out. I schedule another time for her to come watch me try it on, she never showed. She was not showing me she actually cared, or that she truly wanted to be in the wedding! I had decided there was no way she was back in the wedding. I was so hurt, and couldn’t set myself up to get hurt again! I decided I was done talking about wedding stuff with her.
A few months later I got a text message that said, “he proposed”. She called a few minutes later to let me know that her boyfriend of 9 months proposed and they are having a destination wedding in a few months. She tried to explain that this had nothing to do with my wedding or that she wanted to be married before her baby sister.
I am so torn! We haven’t talked about her wedding at all but I’m secretly hoping I don’t even get invited!