Post # 1
I recently got married in my fiances hometown in northwest Florida. I am from New Jersey and only immediate family members of mine were able to attend our wedding, so it was mostly his family And friends. Being from nj, I am used to weddings being huge celebrations and parties. At our wedding, most everyone (besides guests on my side) left very early, did not even dress up, didn’t even go to the effort of giving us a card ( there was a total of 70 guests, and we got 5 cards from my family and friends), and did not participate in any of the dances/games that we had planned. I mentioned it to my fiancé that my feelings were hurt and he said thats how it was in the south. He said most people leave early and don’t give cards. I realize I sound like a brat but I am very offended and so was my family Because we were the ones who planned everything. Am I wrong to be upset? Is this really how southern weddings are?! I would have planned the wedding to be in nj if I knew no one cared about weddings down here!
Post # 2
I’m not southern, but I have gone to a lot of southern weddings because my now Fiance is from Memphis and a lot of people who attended my alma mater are from the South. And uh……I’ve never seen that done at one of those functions. Ever. It seemed to me like weddings are a bigger deal down there than they are up here. I also dont really consider Florida, the South, lol.
Post # 3
A1387f: Florida generally is not considered the traditional South. its literally located in the south of the US, but its culture is totally opposite of traditionl southern states like Alabama, Georgia, Lousiana etc.
That said, Im not from the South but have spent quite a bit of time there and ive never seen this. I think Southerners are generally more laid back, welcoming, and less formal for sure, they are easy going people, not all caught up in bridal etiquette and crap like that…with that said. i get why youre feelings were hurt, but its over now. move on. you cant get the day back. You should be basking in newlywed bliss not still letting urself be stressed out over something like this. its spilled milk. you’re doing yourself a disservice by still letting it affect you. its unfortunate this happened, and i dont agree with the excuse of “its the South” but you still being upset over it isnt going to change anything.
Post # 4
A1387f: If anything, all of the Southern weddings I’ve been to have been very etiquette-minded. Thought the South is also more of the gift-giving type than the card/money type.
Post # 5
Can I ask and please don’t get offended but why was your immediate family insulted that people left early when you said that most of your family couldn’t come at all?
I would be upset that I put in all this effort but they did come and share your special day and I would focus on that, however I do understand being disapointed that it wasn’t how you expected.
Post # 6
By cards do you mean money? And by dances do you mean a money dance? I think in the south they are more likely to get a registry gift than give cash.
Post # 7
It depends more on the family. My family does not like to dance or party, and they would think games are stupid. I really want to have a photobooth, but I’m afraid no one will use it. Fiancee’s family would probably enjoy dancing and the photobooth, but they still wouldn’t like games or anything too cutesy. This more uptight wedding style is a relic of formality and formal dinner parties (think Charleston debutantes). I was shocked last night when my mom said that most people in the South don’t even have engagement parties. She has never been to one, and was surprised that I wanted one. She said it was more of a northeast thing.
That said, I know lots of families who are down to party, I think it just depends on the family.
Post # 8
To me it sounds like it wasnt a “south” thing – but more of a family thing. Sounds like his family is rude and that’s how they always behave!
Post # 9
I’ve been to many weddings in the South and do not think it is a Southern thing to leave early or not dress up for weddings. What time/day of the week was your wedding? Did you have formal invitations? Formal dinner?
It is a Southern thing to gift presents instead of cash. Dollar dances are not really a Southern thing, either. I’m not sure what games you’re talking about, so I can’t speak to that.
All that said, I don’t usually consider Florida the South, though northern Florida could be. If your husband anticipated this, why didn’t he speak up while you were planning?
Post # 10
if that’s the way his family does things — and since it was pretty much everyone doing the same thing– I think you need to accept it and move on. You’re the new addition to the family, and the extended family shouldn’t be expected to adopt entirely new customs whenever someone new comes in. You also can’t assume that no one cares just because no one gave gifts or played games. In my family, it’s not common to give gifts if the couple has been living together already (my extended family believes the wedding gifts are meant to help the couple start a household, so if you’ve already got a household, they tend not to give gifts) and I don’t think I’ve ever been to a wedding that had games so none of us would join in those. But that doesn’t mean we don’t care. We just express it differently.
Post # 11
That sounds the complete opposite of any wedding I’ve ever attended here in the South. That said, cash gifts are not a big thing here and games are for birthday parties.
Post # 12
sway0060: most of my family could not come due to the cost of them coming down here since they all live in New Jersey.
Post # 13
Scarlett11: no, i dont mean money.. just a simple card. I guess it just makes me feel like they didnt care enough to go out ahead of time and get a card to at least wish us well. they didnt participate in any dances, we didnt do a money dance thank goodness cause i think that would have been embarssing by the lack if participation.
Post # 14
JenGirl: i don’t know. I wished I would have known though and I would have done it in NJ.
Post # 15
I wouldnt call Florida the south, it’s just… Florida. But I will say in the South they mostly send boxed gifts before or soon after the wedding. The mandatory envelope with check at the wedding is *definitely* a north east thing. Leaving early is rude pretty much anywhere in the country. Was there an open bar or free beer/wine? Games I don’t get, and wouldn’t be surprised that adults wouldn’t participate.