Speaking of too sexy dresses…

posted 3 years ago in Dress
Post # 76
1454 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2016 - St. John\'s Lutheran Church

JoRocka:  First of all, this is some heinous body shaming. Really, you have trouble believing this woman is a fitness model? I’m sure you have a six pack that would blow us all out of the water, then. You may not agree with her choie of attire but there’s no reason to attack her. You don’t even know her.

And really, this entire thread is kind of mean-spirited. Isn’t it against WB rules to begin a thread solely for the purpose of bashing others’ choices? Which is what you were fully aware was going to happen here? Why is it okay just because she’s a model? Newsflash – she’s a human being.

Post # 77
429 posts
Helper bee

Bridey77:  Oh I don’t mean the women commenting in disagreement to the dress don’t have great bodies, just that in my opinino even very beautiful women can feel insecure about something, it doesn’t have to be about their body as a whole. The only part of her breasts that I see visible is a little of the middle cleavage top part, and on the upper sides. I fail to understand how that’s any different than large breasted women that wear the strapless dresses that don’t fully cover the top of their breasts. It’s just skin, and I don’t over-sexualize breasts so I just can’t see anything wrong with those parts as long as she’s not fully exposing them. I agree about guests having different levels of comfort, but where do we draw the line? It just when choosing what apparel to wear, or what about traditions that make some guests uncomfortable, or the people that can’t eat cake & feel uncomfortable during the cake cutting. Just trying to look at it from different points of view lol. Maybe it was a small wedding or only invited people they know are very relaxed about that type of clothing options. 

princessbride1979:  I completely agree with you about your view on sensuality and it is absoultely not just physical. The way a woman portrays herself verbally and through actions has more weight than what she wears. But, I would not assume this woman does not behave properly, and if she is graceful and acting appropriately for a wedding, showing some skin does not make or break who she is. Because she is NOT exposing any private parts. A “private part” would be considered the nipples and the area between her legs. I just don’t understand why anyone would think showing part of the skin from the top side corner of her breasts is anything different than women with large breasts that wear strapless dresses that don’t fully cover the top of their breasts. I don’t see her as a piece of meat by what she chooses to wear. I would rather teach my kids to never view any woman as a piece of meat regardless of what she chooses to wear. I don’t over-sexualize women, that’s why I fail to apparently see why this dress is a problem lol. Skin is skin to me. A lot of men walk around shirtless in public and I have never heard anyone say anything about him not being confident and that’s why he has to show off. 
Her body is everything she worked for, she did not get implants like many models that wear even more revealing dresses do. I’m pretty sure kids were not even invited to that wedding… The only reason why women are oversexualized by so many people is because those are only the people that are not used to seeing that, so it’s always “OMG, shameful, shocking!”, and that’s the problem. People don’t try to desensitize themselves from things that should not even be sexual in the first place. In several tribes in Africa women do not wear tops, they walk around with their boobs hanging out. And guess what, men are not drooling over them as they walk and other women and not critizing each other for showing their breasts. Because they know the only purpose of their breasts is to feed their babies, not anything else. I’m not saying walk around like that, but I’m saying they’re desensitized from being around it and making their minds see it’s normal instead of critizing. There’s my rant lol it’s not directly towards you just on the subject in general

Post # 78
7208 posts
Busy Beekeeper


I don’t think anyone is being bitter.It’s just that most of us find the intention very questionable    –  myself included. I don’t think it is gross  or trashy , it is just utterly inappropriate andvulgar ( I almost typed vulvar!) .

It is absolutely NOT  to do with with hating or fearing the female body in any of it’s many shapes and sizes .

Post # 79
151 posts
Blushing bee

elderbee:  You’ve encapsulated my feelings on the subject really well. It’s not that I’m body shaming, it’s the jarring disconnect.  She’s dressed in a deliberately provocative manner — *just* enough stragegic lace to cover but not quite cover personal areas, while the bridesmaids, the groom, etc. are all dressed conventionally.  This speaks to the underlying feeling that her greatest value as a person is to be physically beautiful and as provocative as possible at all times. Really why does she want people other than the groom to potentially find her sexually attractive *on her wedding day*? There’s a real current there that the only value a woman has is as a desirable sexual object, and that’s just not something I’m on board with.

The bride is beautiful, the dress is pretty if skimpy, and somehow it’s all uneasy making in a way that my friend’s pagan wedding wasn’t. My date and I attended unclothed, by the way, to honour the bride and groom’s commitment, and we didn’t feel out of place (though I was a bit nervous about it initially because there would be a lot of people there who I had never met). There were people there from the ages of 18 to mid seventies of both genders who were not wearing clothing, people of all sizes and shapes, and there was absolutely nothing wrong with it. So I’m not pearl clutching about a woman’s body or sexuality, and neither am I envious. I’m sad that she feels the desire to attract as much attention as possible to her body when it’s not necessary. She’s the bride! People would pay attention to her even if she was wearing a burlap sack. She’s also going to have just as much value as a person in fifty or sixy years time when she’s not shaped like that anymore. The underlying impetus really isn’t either liberating or empowering in my eyes, and that’s my issue with it.

  • This reply was modified 3 years, 1 month ago by  silvergrey.
Post # 80
2001 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

If she likes it I love it. Thats my motto for weddings and people’s personal choices in general! More power to her if thats what she wanted to do! Her body is amazing! I wouldn’t have done it but she did so hats off to her for doing what she wanted! I just try not to judge people because I have been judged by many and its no fun. 

Post # 81
7208 posts
Busy Beekeeper




What a thoughful and sensitive take on the  whole thing . I think many pps ( and of course many people in general ) assume that any negative or demurring comment about a dress like this is intended to mean   the woman in question  ‘ought not /shouldn’t/is wrong/a slut and other nasty names .  I  have never in my life and will never  call any woman  a slut or a whore or a bitch or any other name intened to denigrate women. And of course  I would back any woman’s right to  wear pretty much  anything she damn well pleases .

But that doesn’t mean we have to applaud that choice  or think it is intelligent or ideologically sound .  There’s an otherwise really  well-argued post  above which included the phrase

The only reason why women are oversexualized by so many people is because those are only the people that are not used to seeing that, so it’s always “OMG, shameful, shocking!”, and that’s the problem.

I have to disagree with that part ( though not other things she said) Women  – and increasingly children – are sexualised because that is the yardstick a  commodity-driven  society uses to value them.  Young  women  are  almost synonymous with sex itself, and their closeness to a very narrowly drawn set of physical criteria  is the measure of their worth and their attractiveness.

If I spend  too long on  sites devoted to film criticism I come away feeling sad and furious at the way in which the amateur critics judge actresses  on how ‘hot’ they are , how well they fit some  spotty youths’  or  some tedious  middleaged man’s  idea of who he thinks he’d like to get laid by ( hah, some chance!) 

As I said, I don’t find   the dress or the amount of flesh shocking or  shameful or any of those things.  Nor would  I patronise  her or others like her  by calling them sad or try-hard or whatever . But  I’m  a bit sad that any woman is so delineated   by her ‘sexiness’ that she wants it to  be the defining characteristic of her appearance at her wedding.  


Post # 82
2407 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

WAAAY late to the party. But wanted to comment anyway. I think she looks absolutely perfect in this dress. However I do find it too revealing to wear publicly. Not because anyone should be “ashamed” of their body. But because there should be some minimum level of courtesy for your guests and that shouldn’t be solely covering nipples, vulva, and butt crack. Honnestly it’s the under butt cheek that gets me with this. Because lined or not she looks nearly naked. I still think the top is lovely. Not something I would wear for my wedding but very pretty.  I would be uncomfortable looking at a friend wearing something that looks more like lingerie than clothing. Same for a man. If he was walking down the aisle in cheeky booty shorts and an banana hammock. She is totally gorgeous though but I don’t want to see those parts of another person’s body if I am not intimate with them to begin with. In just the same way that I would not be comfortable with a shirtless groom. This dress is just a bit too revealing for me, and it comes off as a bit impolite. However I really would love to find something like this for a nightgown honnestly. lol 

Post # 83
2510 posts
Sugar bee

ksn1219:  if she’s comfortable wearing it, good for her.

is it a dress i would wear? no, it’s just not my taste.

would i walk out or be offended as a guest? that seems like the most ridiculous idea ever – of course i wouldn’t.

would i make a snarky remark to my Fiance when we got back in our car at the end of the night? probably, because that’s just what i do.

but honestly, it’s their wedding, both of them seem happy with what she’s wearing, i’m sure her friends and family know her well enough to not be that shocked – so whatever.

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