"Special" "surprise" is laying on the shelf

posted 2 months ago in Waiting
Post # 31
1015 posts
Bumble bee

elphya2 :  The next time he said “you know it’s there, on the shelf,” I would take the next opportunity that you were home after that to pick up the ring box off the shelf, hand it to him, and hold out your finger.

I’m not sure if you two don’t see eye to eye with how you view the marriage process, or if he’s feeling hesitant, or if he is just nervous about giving you the “right” proposal and trying to push you into helping him. Is there something else about the actual wedding that the two of you disagree on or have something complex to work out, regarding?

Post # 33
2677 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

elphya2 :  Sorry, but why would his friends even ask him why he’s not hitting on some girl, if they know he’s in a comitted relationship? That is very bizarre, and him telling you about the conversation and how he called you his fiance, when you are not his fiance, is not “cute”.

It would be cute if he just pulled the ring off the shelf and asked you to marry him already.

I’m not trying to rain on your parade, but this still just sounds like loads of excuses as to why he won’t propose to you. 

Post # 34
1015 posts
Bumble bee

Tell him he has no right to call you fiance until he makes you one.

Post # 35
6003 posts
Bee Keeper

I too am confused. You’re looking at venues, booking a date, he’s calling you fiance. Are you engaged? If so, just put the ring on and get on with your life.

If not, wtf? 

Post # 36
569 posts
Busy bee

Your update is kind of bizarre. I’d be pissed off at him for calling me his fiancé when he has an engagement ring SITTING ON HIS DRESSER THAT HE WILL NOT PUT ON YOUR FINGER. You are NOT his fiancé, and he could change that at ANY time, but for some reason he will not.

What is there to plan? Why can’t he just give you the damn thing?! How hard is it to go to dinner and ask you four words? Why is this so hard??

It is concerning that you are having to keep driving things forward and while he agrees to start looking at venues “soon,” you are the one pushing things. And yet that’s not enough for him to realize “hey I should propose!” You have to keep prodding him and he still won’t do it.

This is not a good update.

**I’d be so irritated at him calling me his fiancé that I’d go put the ring on right now and if he asks why you’re wearing it, tell him you’re his fiancé. His words.

 elphya2 :  

Post # 37
3027 posts
Sugar bee

This gets weirder and weirder with every update. He’s calling you fiance and he hasn’t proposed? Not cool. His friends ask him if he’s going to hit on some random girl? Not cool. You’re going to look at venues but you’re not engaged? Don’t do this. He can’t take the ring off the shelf and just propose already? This makes no freaking sense at all.

Post # 39
4257 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

elphya2 :  no, it’s not cute that he called you his fiance to his friend but is too lazy and thoughtless to propose to you with the ring sitting on a shelf. Not cute, try “ridiculous”. Next time he calls you his fiance just take the ring out of the box and put it on. He obviously skipped the proposal part and you don’t care about the formality anyway.

Post # 40
61 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2019

elphya2 :  I liked your update :-). May be because I am not that traditional, but I do know procrastinators. I think starting to plan a wedding is a great idea. But also I suggest plan in the engagement date. Remind him in advance so he remembers. Decide with him and set a date when it is going to happen. Ask his imput on where it is going to happen. If outside somewhere, make sure you guys don’t forget the ring at home :-). If he stalls then, just plain tell him at the right minute: “Ok, it’s time for our engagement. I am ready.”  Or something like that. Give him the box so he gives you the ring. You both sound like humorous people. It still will be enjoyable and fun to tease him about.

Not every man is that sort of romantic. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you or be loyal to you. My friend’s now husband asked her what kind of engagement ring she wanted. She said she was not into engagement rings at all. Then he said he’d rather start planning wedding. So they skipped engagement altogether.

Post # 42
7761 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

elphya2 :  

‘I don’t really care about the ring. It’s just a piece of jewelry. It’s the symbol behind it that is important.’ 

Of course that goes without saying  but what about the  symbolism of it still lying on the shelf?

‘And him just going along with planning is very important for me’

 I don’t  quite  understand what  you mean here. The actual  planning is important ? Or   his just going  along with  it is important ,  negatively  speaking ? 

Either  way,  talk is cheap isn’t it ?  I would take the  ring off the shelf , put it in front of him and say something like ”  OK babe , make it offficial” . He has then to do it …..or not.  In the latter case you need to know why  the hell not. This planning  of venues  and  all while still  waiting for some sort of a surprise proposal is,   well,  a bit silly …..at best. 

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