Post # 31
elphya2 : The next time he said “you know it’s there, on the shelf,” I would take the next opportunity that you were home after that to pick up the ring box off the shelf, hand it to him, and hold out your finger.
I’m not sure if you two don’t see eye to eye with how you view the marriage process, or if he’s feeling hesitant, or if he is just nervous about giving you the “right” proposal and trying to push you into helping him. Is there something else about the actual wedding that the two of you disagree on or have something complex to work out, regarding?
Post # 32
I came with updates and better spirit.
llevinso: He did get robbed in a 5* hotel so he’s a little paranoid. And he’s a procrastinator regarding home-related stuff, like if he knows it’s Easter weekend or if we have a busy day scheduled, he’ll not even plan on/get the idea of proposing, and be happy to not have to plan anything.
He just came back from a trip and the guys went out for drinks late in the night. They asked if he’s not going to hit on some girl, and he said he told them “my fiance is waiting for me back home”. I know, that’s cute!
Anyway, I have been thinking about all this “there is the ring for you” and I suddenly realized I should keep focused on what is relevant. Therefore, after we put on paper all the trips we have to do this spring/summer, I told him we have something more to schedule, and that is we have to look at venues and decide on a date.
[He recently went to a cardiology specialist because he has been having some pains in his chest muscles and he was diagnosed with hypertension and advised to monitor his tension at home. So he put the cuff of the machine on his arm and said that he’s gonna have high values (like a drama queen). He even requested the attendance from a nurse, and I told him I have that costume prepared, but I’m waiting on a special ocasion.]
But I insisted it is important to look for a venue since we want to get married next year, and he said “I know!”.
I don’t think he’s gonna propose soon. But this Sunday, I want to talk to him about choosing a date and look online for possible venues, so we have a list to visit next.
PS: We are not living together yet because I refused to move in with him without being his very-soon-to-be-wife. So I usually spend the weekends with him and, if he’s in town, a night over during workdays.
Post # 33
elphya2 : Sorry, but why would his friends even ask him why he’s not hitting on some girl, if they know he’s in a comitted relationship? That is very bizarre, and him telling you about the conversation and how he called you his fiance, when you are not his fiance, is not “cute”.
It would be cute if he just pulled the ring off the shelf and asked you to marry him already.
I’m not trying to rain on your parade, but this still just sounds like loads of excuses as to why he won’t propose to you.
Post # 34
Tell him he has no right to call you fiance until he makes you one.
Post # 35
I too am confused. You’re looking at venues, booking a date, he’s calling you fiance. Are you engaged? If so, just put the ring on and get on with your life.
If not, wtf?
Post # 36
Your update is kind of bizarre. I’d be pissed off at him for calling me his fiancé when he has an engagement ring SITTING ON HIS DRESSER THAT HE WILL NOT PUT ON YOUR FINGER. You are NOT his fiancé, and he could change that at ANY time, but for some reason he will not.
What is there to plan? Why can’t he just give you the damn thing?! How hard is it to go to dinner and ask you four words? Why is this so hard??
It is concerning that you are having to keep driving things forward and while he agrees to start looking at venues “soon,” you are the one pushing things. And yet that’s not enough for him to realize “hey I should propose!” You have to keep prodding him and he still won’t do it.
This is not a good update.
**I’d be so irritated at him calling me his fiancé that I’d go put the ring on right now and if he asks why you’re wearing it, tell him you’re his fiancé. His words.
Post # 37
This gets weirder and weirder with every update. He’s calling you fiance and he hasn’t proposed? Not cool. His friends ask him if he’s going to hit on some random girl? Not cool. You’re going to look at venues but you’re not engaged? Don’t do this. He can’t take the ring off the shelf and just propose already? This makes no freaking sense at all.
Post # 38
They were acquaintances (i.d. people met that week), not friends.
I don’t really care about the ring. It’s just a piece of jewelry. It’s the symbol behind it that is important. And him just going along with planning is very important for me. If I am looking to TTC before 35, we have to start looking for venues now.
So he gets to do his proposal whenever he feels good about it. Maybe it’ll happen after setting the date. I don’t know how I’llI react. Probably not impressed. I think he should assume that since he’h taking his time.
Post # 39
elphya2 : no, it’s not cute that he called you his fiance to his friend but is too lazy and thoughtless to propose to you with the ring sitting on a shelf. Not cute, try “ridiculous”. Next time he calls you his fiance just take the ring out of the box and put it on. He obviously skipped the proposal part and you don’t care about the formality anyway.
Post # 40
elphya2 : I liked your update :-). May be because I am not that traditional, but I do know procrastinators. I think starting to plan a wedding is a great idea. But also I suggest plan in the engagement date. Remind him in advance so he remembers. Decide with him and set a date when it is going to happen. Ask his imput on where it is going to happen. If outside somewhere, make sure you guys don’t forget the ring at home :-). If he stalls then, just plain tell him at the right minute: “Ok, it’s time for our engagement. I am ready.” Or something like that. Give him the box so he gives you the ring. You both sound like humorous people. It still will be enjoyable and fun to tease him about.
Not every man is that sort of romantic. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you or be loyal to you. My friend’s now husband asked her what kind of engagement ring she wanted. She said she was not into engagement rings at all. Then he said he’d rather start planning wedding. So they skipped engagement altogether.
Post # 42
‘I don’t really care about the ring. It’s just a piece of jewelry. It’s the symbol behind it that is important.’
Of course that goes without saying but what about the symbolism of it still lying on the shelf?
‘And him just going along with planning is very important for me’
I don’t quite understand what you mean here. The actual planning is important ? Or his just going along with it is important , negatively speaking ?
Either way, talk is cheap isn’t it ? I would take the ring off the shelf , put it in front of him and say something like ” OK babe , make it offficial” . He has then to do it …..or not. In the latter case you need to know why the hell not. This planning of venues and all while still waiting for some sort of a surprise proposal is, well, a bit silly …..at best.