(Closed) Speeches and Toasts

posted 8 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
396 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

Hmm… that’s a tought one. I’d like to think that he shouldn’t since your parents are footing the whole bill; but @ the same time I don’t know how you would break that to him without hurting his feelings…. I’m interested to see others opinions on this one.

Post # 4
Member
2765 posts
Sugar bee

Would he give a good and appropriate speech?  If so, I think it’s OK to let him speak at the wedding!

I found that the family dynamics of wedding planning can get really tricky when things get tied to money contributions…  but ymmv!!

Post # 5
Member
2404 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I didn’t know the Future Father-In-Law says a toast at the Rehearsal Dinner…i bet mine won’t ha!! I guess its nice that he would like to but if he is not helping out with the wedding, then i can somewhat understand the dilemma.

Could he say something after your Father & Best Man speak at the reception? So your father gives kind of an official “welcome” (read: hi we are the ones putting this shindig on) and so on.. then the best man.. then Future Father-In-Law gets introduced saying he’d like to say a few words or something, so its more casual in a way. (?)

 

Post # 6
Member
4001 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I am really not sure about any tradition etiquette about speeches, but I think you should decide this based on what you’re comforable with.  If you’d rather not have him speak at the reception, ask him not to.  That will get really uncomfortable though.  I don’t know how you’d manage that without hurting his feelings. 

Post # 8
Member
972 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I dont think it matters who foots the bill in  order to make a speech for their child.  I think its ok he gives one, its a nice blessing to have and good positive karma for you two.  Go for it, you dont want to hurt his feelings, both dads can actually, its your wedding, you can do it any way you want to.  im sure guests already know your parents paid for the whole wedding by your invitation wording right?

Post # 9
Member
1154 posts
Bumble bee

I don’t think there are rules for this and while I’m usually in favor of the people paying getting to make decisions (we’re paying so I like anything that suggests we get all the decisions :)) I don’t think the money issue is very relevant here. It’s not a money related decision, it’s a sentiment decision. 

I mean, his parents are coming to the wedding right?  If, since your parents are paying his parents get no say in their son’s wedding than why should they come?  They’re coming for their sons benefit, because they are very very important to him, as parents always are.  That’s a bit extreme of course and I don’t think you’re suggesting they don’t get any say in the wedding but I think that’s the natural end result of taking the money reasoning to its conclusion.  Cutting people out of the wedding leaves them with no incentive to be positive at the wedding which leads to the hurt feelings of groom and bride.  I think the wedding aught to be about your and FI’s commitment to each other and the two families in equal measure.  You can’t buy affection or emotional importance.

Now, if his parents are complaining about the food or decorations or music…. I’m totally on the side of they do not get a voice in those things. 

 

 

 

Post # 10
Member
396 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I agree that I would let him give a speech @ the reception; but it should be kind of informal and After the Best Man and Your Parents give theirs.

Post # 12
Member
2765 posts
Sugar bee

One thing to keep in mind is your relationship with your Father-In-Law after the wedding… will he be upset if he’s asked to give a shorter informal speech?

Post # 13
Member
224 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

In the etiquette books, FH’s parents pay for the rehearsal dinner and Future Father-In-Law gives a speech.  Bride’s parents pay for wedding and Dad gives the speech.

That being said, how do your parents feel about FFIL’s wishes?

The topic ‘Speeches and Toasts’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors